On how to handle eye contact ( with girls)

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by LionHart, May 16, 2017.

  1. LionHart

    LionHart Fapstronaut

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    Eye contact is very crucial part of social interractions...expecially with people of the opposite sex. The first impression does matter, and the way you use eye contact can determine if a girl is or isn't interested in you...that's why it's so important to know how to handle those short periods of visive communications : it can make the difference from result as a shy person, or a confident one who's not afraid of keeping an eye contact for several seconds, and eventually even smile :)
    Although I've never considered myself as a particularly nice-looking / attracting guy, in my personal experience, has happened many times that I shared repeated eye contacts with nice girls...but in none of those situations I was able to make the next step ( which is smiling, or maybe starting a conversation with her) . Instead, I've always assumed stupid postures , pretending to be disinterested , trying to look more "alpha m." and things like that. No suprises that this type of behaviuor has the opposite effect : I quickly end up to make disappear every girl that might have an interest for me.
    Till now, I've never had the courage to stand up, go straight to her, and presenting myself...it's something that simply looks impossible to me, I'm just too scared to do it.
    So my question is : for those of you who have overcomed this barrier...how did you do it?!? Did NoFap helped you to be more confident? I hope so...
    Because until a person do PMO, he simply doesn't need to approach a girl, because he can jerks off whenever he wants.
    But if this person can't reach the orgasm because he is attempting a NoFap challenge, he will be FORCED to talk to other girls : his mind will adjust, and he will do whatever it takes, to improve himself, becoming more attractive ...otherwhise, he will never satisfy his sexual urges and he'll become nevrotic .
    Does it make sense?
     
  2. superninjared

    superninjared Fapstronaut

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    I did a bootcamp with some dating coaches we went out IRL and did approaches. Meeting and talking to real people. We also did some improv classes too. You just need to learn how to communicate better. There are dozens of videos on Youtube where you can learn all of this stuff i can point you in the right direction if need be. I recently found some videos they are Ted Talks on connecting with people for example.
     
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  3. DrAwesome04

    DrAwesome04 Fapstronaut

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    Please superninjared give some links. I also need a girl in my life. I too want to be able to impress the opposite sex not by just looks but by some real matter in me.
    I also face the problem of not being confident enough to approach them.
    I have had many crushes but DAMN! I couldn't work out the problem.
    I hope you will help.
     
  4. DrAwesome04

    DrAwesome04 Fapstronaut

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    Hey buddy!
    I too face the same problem.
    My friend who is a pro at dating told me to be 'me' and not to back up when you are with her.
    I tried and we talked but the thing is I couldn't you know, impress her enough.
    I need help too!
     
  5. superninjared

    superninjared Fapstronaut

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    Sure.





    Here are a few but there are literally hundreds more like this. And as an added bonus here is one dating coach to get you started, its going to be information overload but this will change your life :) https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCm9vxWZXU_JA0coIBeSAk6A
     
  6. Lampard21

    Lampard21 Fapstronaut

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    Salam and Hi my friend!

    Eye contacting isn't that big of deal! You just have not to stare to her eyes too much, this makes you creepy to her. Sometimes, look at the ground, or look at someone's face who is in your visibility, etc. Stay confident, be gentle, don't talk too much classy or too much casual. Be yourself. Talk about the things that related to both of you. Don't think too much, stay focused. Have a gentle smile on your face for 70% of your time when you are talking to her.

    I can't remember more tips right now, but you can ask me your questions if you want! I'm not pro in things like this, and I'm just telling you the basic things.
     
    Last edited: May 18, 2017
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  7. Rockhold

    Rockhold Fapstronaut

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    Dude I went to the therapist once, and she was eye fucking me while we were talking so annoying. It's not like you can stand up and walk out of here, well I almost did. Old bitch. She the type to suck her own tits when she gets boned. BRRR.

    I am the flatline king right now, no women for me for a good 6 months. I want to rebuild myself fully like bro above.
     
  8. John84

    John84 Fapstronaut

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    I think 80% of the time if they won't make eye contact and look at you, it means they probably already glanced at you and decided in a micro second they're not attracted, just like that you're invisible now . Men and women both do the same thing.

    The other 20% of the time could be a lot of other reason, such as maybe their distracted, bad mood, or they have confidence or self esteem problems themselves or maybe their in a relationship and trying to purposely avoid other people their attracted towards.
     
    Last edited: May 18, 2017
  9. LionHart

    LionHart Fapstronaut

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    Ok I know that most of the times eye contacts don't have much meaning...but I'm talking about those rare cases where a girl may be really interested in you, but you don't have the balls to go present yourself, and so you simply do nothing.
    I think this happens because subconsciously we thought " why do I have to take this enormous risk, of being rejected and even derided, when I could simply go home and J***s off with the best porns available? It's not worthy, so just stand still and let her go..."
    But if you definitevely quit PMO, you will be FORCED to talk to other girls, because that will be the only way to actually satisfy your sexual desire!
    Now subconsciuosly you'll think "Damn, this girl really turns me on, and better go all in than return home empty-handed"
    So what once seemed impossible , now it's the only thing you can do... it's not magic, it's just a huge mind shift that's happening in your brain, every day you took your hand away from your d**k.
    This may be the power of a NoFap challenge ; society certainly underestimates the deep consequences of masturbating frequently , and yet it affects so deeply our social skills , our ability to communicate with other people ( especially with the opposite sex).
    I don't know how much it will take to make this mind shift, because it depends on each person...I wanted to know if there was somebody from you that experienced, or is experiencing, something like that.
    Thanks for the answers, they're all helping me to have a more complete vision of this argument so easily forgotten
     
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  10. John84

    John84 Fapstronaut

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    There may be a explanation for this fear of rejection. We fear rejection almost like the woman is gonna pull out a revolver and shoot us. The answer to this comes from evolutionary biology, its not exactly a respected field of science.


    Fear of rejection comes from the time when we lived in tribal groups. There would be consequences if you were rejected. You could be expelled from the group, or killed. It could also hurt your cred with other woman as they gossip.

    In our society today this doesn't matter, there really isn't consequences when you get rejected like there is when you're in a group of a couple hundred people. Yeah woman still gossip, like in highschool girls go around gossiping about guys they rejected and laughing at them. But in the real world it doesn't matter.
     
    Last edited: May 19, 2017
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  11. NoBrainer

    NoBrainer Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    Well, I haven't overcome this barrier, but I hope that I may share with you some insights I've learned over time regarding this situation. I too find it difficult to hold eye contact with people, unless I'm engaged in a conversation with them. Personally, I believe that the only way to improve holding your eye contact with people is to practice. Practice looking at people (men and women, young and old etc) and then if they look back at you, hold their gaze for however long you (or they) feel comfortable with. I believe that that is one way, if not the best way to improve. Doing it with a woman however, especially if she is attractive, is no doubt more challenging. But I do believe that if you've already gained that experience, you'll feel more comfortable with putting yourself out there.

    You've reminded me that this is something I should be doing more of too. Thanks! ;)
     
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  12. superninjared

    superninjared Fapstronaut

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    Observation is the key to success! If you want to get better making eye contact with people its very easy. Just go out IRL and do lots of approaches. Practice makes perfect soon it will just feel natural. And just remember that everyone gets insecure about making eye contact at some point you are not alone. Here’s a very simple exercise for practice every time you go to a store make eye contact with the person who is serving you and do a little bit of small talk and then leave. Very low pressure and you don’t have to worry about making a fool out of yourself because you know that you will be leaving right after.
     
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