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On Nofap for more than two years but strong urges continue

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by maximusthegreat, Jun 22, 2020.

  1. maximusthegreat

    maximusthegreat Fapstronaut

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    Hi brothers, I've been abstaining from PMO for more than two years. I started because of my girlfriend - I love her and I wanted to hurt her no more with my behaviour, my ignorance and addiction. Other reason - the benefits are appealing.
    The point I am writing here is because I am really stuck but it is not stuck like can't get through month or 90 days of no masturbating. I do not masturbate. My biggest problem are fantasies and my thoughts. Basically I am fighting with strong urges ever since I stopped. Some days mild other strong. First months I was mostly losing to them, looking at insta, fb and random girls at street (sometimes even try to flirt). I deleted social network apps, trained myself to not to ogle and peep - though sometimes I fail with that too. I thought my brain would rewire. But no, instead of superpower I get these urges that lead me towards fantasies, because I am trained to not open any porn / porn-sub content. I sometimes follow fantasies in my head or keep playing over and over my favourite scenes of porn, hot memories from my life or similar images. Sometimes, when life offers an opportunity (or challenge) to look at some psub I can't put my eyes and mind off the stuff, be it nice legs of a stranger, some tv commercial, a music video. It's like i am pouring in oil into the fire but never explode (masturbate).
    The benefit of nofap - big attractivness and sexual drive. Yes I have it! I feel confident as fuck, attractive, strong ... everything. But I don't have an outlet for my accumulated energy. My gf is not attractive to me anymore as she gained weight in depression. If I try to motivate her into loosing weight through excercise and eating less, she falls into even deepest depression. So we are not having sex. I don't want to cheat on her, also. The choice could be: break up with her. But I love her. We nearly broke up in the past but I realized it is for life. If I imagine she would die tommorow I immediately regret all my addictive actions when I could spend the time with her fully. It is that sometimes my urges are so strong I can't get to imagining loosing her. It feels as I am completely brainwashed in that moment. Outletting it to gym and work is not motivating enough. I am in my 24s I really feel that I need the healthy sexual outlet to function properly (maybe that feeling is my addicted brain too) but she is just not attractive anymore when I compare it with the first year so I can't get motivated to start flirting. When I try to flirt and start something with her I can't help but feel forcing myself into it without my interest. She was really hot before though, I start getting boner when i remember our relationship beginnings.
    It may be that I am losing a point or something. I would be grateful for some other points of view.
     
    Last edited: Jun 22, 2020
  2. maximusthegreat

    maximusthegreat Fapstronaut

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    Well, thank you for your point of view. Yes I am an animal. We all are, biologically. Maybe for you it is completely natural to have some outlet for your sexual energy - which exists and builds up over time. Congrats, can you tell me your secret? I don't know you, don't know if you were addicted and managed to heal but to me because of my addiction since teen years yes my mind sometimes tricks me into thinking that sex is everything. Urges are real. Unfortunately your post doesn't offer any insight or solution so I don't know what to take from it except from your anger and disgrace for me. I don't think this site is about that, but we are free people so I accept you. I may be weak man but what to do with that? And please don't write "Man the fuck up" or "Grab life by balls" because in time when fantasies come it is about learning to control the mind and believe me the thought to "man the fuck up" doesn't even come to my consciousness at that moment. I don't go around and cheat and I don't go to porn websites to look for content because I learned to control my body. I have trouble controlling my mind though. I try to do pushups everytime urge or fantasy comes but don't think it helps as the fantasy is back as soon as I lose focus after working out.
     
  3. Jo-trying

    Jo-trying Fapstronaut

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    matt2k12, this forum is all about supporting and helping each other. If someone opens up their inner feelings and thoughts, the last thing any of us should do is judge, criticize or put down that person. You are entitled to your opinions, but if you can't help then, at least, don't harm. We are all trying to get rid of this damn addiction - and we're all struggling, you, me, maximusthegreat and everyone else that gets help and support from this amazing forum.

    maximusthegreat, I have the same issue regarding no pmo but still struggling with fantasies. I've been addicted to pmo for 25 years, relapsed MANY times but keep on trying. If you are not attracted to your gf that makes things difficult. You said she suffers from depression, have the two of you considered some form of couples therapy or just talking openly with each other in a constructive manner? Maybe you discover some mutual ground regarding your sex life that you never knew existed. My wife is in very good shape and we are very happy in the bedroom, but I still struggle with fantasies and mo, so I visit nofap daily to learn, grow and, hopefully, help. My personal feeling is that this addiction is very damaging and takes a long time for many of us to rewire and recalibrate our brains.

    All the best man - don't give up!
     

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