On Porn and Escorts

Hello all.

I am fighting off both a porn and an escort habit. If you also struggle with an escort habit, you know that the combination of porn and escorts makes the cycle more difficult to escape.

At the beginning of this year, I told myself I would stop seeing escorts, I went 60 days without porn, escorts or masturbation. At around day 50 I was weak and let my cravings get the better of me and browsed for escorts, I didn't pull the trigger but it went downhill from there. I had already broken that line so I kept browsing escorts each day until I finally pulled the trigger, as usual, I instantly regretted the decision after the deed was done. After that relapse, I went back to old patterns and escalated to a new record of masturbation sessions per day to keep myself from getting horny enough to see another escort.

The escort habit is my biggest concern, it started about 3 years ago. I made the calculations and I have spent close to 9k on escorts. I kept telling myself that it was not a problem, seeing escorts kept me from feeling lonely and let me focus on my work. I thought I had it figured out, I focus on improving my skills and my ability to make money and I can then simply pay for sex for the rest of my life. It was not until recently that I realized how bad this habit has impacted me. This habit will leave you without any motivation to work on your social skills or develop a social life. Porn makes it worse, through porn I developed fetishes I never thought I would have. I developed a fetish for transexual porn and have been with two transexual escorts, I believe that those fetishes were learned by my escalation with porn genres. These two habits feed off each other and make a vice that is never satiated, the more you feed them the hungrier they get.

I have been escort-free for roughly about two months and porn-and-masturbation-free for 15 days. Today I was very tempted to browse online for an escort but instead, I did something I have been meaning to do for a while now and decided to make an account here at NoFap and join the ranks of my fellow Fapstronauts.

I am looking forward to becoming the person I know I can become, I no longer want to be a puppet to my vices.

 

I'm glad reading this helps you see the darkness behind that illusion. I never thought it would become a 3-year habit. I hope I can stay away from it and heal.

 

Thank you, Digger. I have already found it helpful to get this off my chest, it was always kind of my dark secret so it feels good to post about it and not be judged. Good luck in your own journey.