Today I mixed pills and alcohol. I have done it many times before but this time is different. I waited until my sister went to sleep and drove to the grocery store. When I got back home i continued watching bad horror movies. My 6 month stay at the hospital is soon ending. I dont want to be healthy. I want to sink deeper into madness. I want to kill myself over and over again. I always bring a kitchen knife with me in case I want to hurt myself. I see dead people. Shadows watching me from the corners of my eye. I can control it but I dont want to. The more I entertain the thoughts the more real it becomes.