On the verge of quitting

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Brador, Sep 3, 2019.

  1. Brador

    Brador Fapstronaut

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    Over the last 12 years, I've come to terms with the fact that any woman I express interest in, no matter who it is, will reject me. In fact, rejection is certain even before I've had the opportunity to evaluate whomever I could be potentially interested in if at all. This has been my reality. My question is if I'm never going to have any form of sexual contact, much less any physical contact for the remainder of my existence, then why even continue NoFap? I mean I am aware that porn is nothing but bunch of pixels, but at 32, the imagination is all I have left and I still have sex drive. Furthermore, I've lost interest and the desire to be social and more "outgoing". The very idea itself is a turn off to me now. I'm pretty much at a crossroads were it seems that both paths lead to the same place.
     
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  2. Those were always my thoughts just before I relapsed. I can understand your situation.
    I pull through nofap because I do not want to give any woman (real or pixel) even the slightest power over me.
     
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  3. Tibo87

    Tibo87 Fapstronaut

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    Your question should be ''How can I love myself, be confident, and meet people that will share the same things that I like?''

    Take things that you have accomplished in your life (business, sport, or whatever). Did you quit to do those things?
    Keep a winning strategy and use it for dating and NoFap.

    You are young and you have a lot of beautiful opportunities in font of you. Be grateful for being alive.
     
  4. romeolima

    romeolima Fapstronaut

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    I took a look at your other thread before I responded to this one. I think you have a lot going on in terms of your relationships with other people. You've had some good advice on your other thread.

    What I would say is that you should consider trying to broaden your social horizons, and I see from you other posts that this could be difficult for you. I honestly think meeting other people, men and women in a different setting, will help you to develop better relationships with people. Women aren't to be feared and I think some of you attempts to not engage with them are what causes friction.

    If you can have normal social relations with women it is more likely that other relationships will develop.

    Good luck
     
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  5. Leo Szilard

    Leo Szilard Fapstronaut

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    Dude , you have to love yourself ( Be proud of your accomplishments , if you dont have any start working on them , saving up cash , being jacked) think of your interaction with others as a relationship between you and yourself. You might want to check The Red Pill on reddit
     
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  6. LavaMe

    LavaMe Fapstronaut

    I think you should do NoFap primarily for yourself. It will have benefits, including with relationships with other people. But you do it for your self. Simply stopping porn and masturbation won’t fix all your problems. But it will put you in a much better place to fix them. It will at the very least clear you mind. I’d say get some real time under your belt like a year or at least half a year and then evaluate your situation.
     
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  7. Brador

    Brador Fapstronaut

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    I can't see how I can possibly love myself when every woman I meet or don't meet rejects me. The constant crippling rejection validates the notion that I have no value.


    The desire for relationship drains my energy. The more I focus on it, the more I realize I'll never obtain it. Focusing less on them has the same effect.
     
  8. surtennis123

    surtennis123 Fapstronaut

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    Brador, I've felt the way you feel and continue to feel this way sometimes. I guess the question is if pornography gives you more happiness than any other (perhaps healthy) pleasure you could indulge in at the time, and if being a part of NoFap makes you feel better in any way. Honestly, I wouldn't see any problem if you looked at pics of nude women, but the problem is that it quickly escalates to viewing masturbation vids of females, and then to straight out porn. Porn is like a drug, and it takes nerves of steel to not have a porn blocker and consume it say every week for thirty minutes (unless you're not the average porn user). Viewing nude women = less shame, viewing masturbation = more shame, viewing hardcore = lots of shame. I can't blame you if you continue using porn, because a lot of people have at least one detrimental habit that affects their brains in significant ways, for example: smoking, consuming alcohol regularly, promiscuous sex, e-cigs, gaming addiction, drugs, etc. But be warned! If you don't consume your poison of choice in a somewhat moderate way then it will seep through the veil of your persona and it will drag you into other addictions, which may be even more detrimental to your sanity and health. I want to be able to look women in the eye, but I also want to receive some consolation prizes, for my "regal" suffering. I'm only human, but that doesn't mean I can't better myself.
     
  9. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    What you're basically doing is thinking, feeling, and behaving in a way that reflects how much you don't love yourself. You express that towards others ("Hi. I don't like myself. Can you like me please?"). Which isn't attractive at all. Then you use those results as a way to reinforce the belief that you shouldn't love yourself.

    That would be like telling myself that I'm horrible at basketball... then giving a mediocre half assed expecting to lose effort to shoot a few balls into the hoop.... missing all of them.... and saying "see.. I knew it... I'm horrible at basketball"........... then giving up.

    What do you do on a consistent basis that makes you proud of yourself?
    What difficult and uncertain things have you overcome to earn confidence?

    I don't believe that you're doing things that would lead to self love / respect / pride. You're doing nothing other than waiting for someone to do the work for you (validate you). It's not a good strategy. Like I said above... your self hatred manifests through your thoughts, feelings, and behavior towards others which becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

    If you don't like yourself, why should anybody else?

    "I don't like myself, but you should like me... oh you don't?... I knew it."

    ????????????????????

    It's a victim's mindset. It's self sabotage. It's a very poor strategy. It's waiting for someone to magically fix you.
     
  10. Brador

    Brador Fapstronaut

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    How can I possibly express that towards others when I avoid any and all possible contact with people? I'm always running from one place to another if not walking with purpose. I keep conversations brief and direct, and I avoid any and all eye contact because I fucking hate it. I find it awkward, weird, and makes me uncomfortable. I also hate small talk, nor do I have the energy to entertain it. Therefore, I definitely don't express anything of sorts. If anything, I come across as a dickhead because at this point I have nothing to lose. I'm damned if I do damned If I don't.

    There's nothing in life that I've accomplished that's worth being proud of. And as for my confidence, It's long been eroding from crippling rejections from women, social interactions, and just life in general. I'm not genetically built to obtain success. The best advice I've ever received was "Either ya got it or ya don't". In my case, I've never had it.

    I'm definitely not waiting for anyone to validate. If anyone does that, then that person is clearly looking to use me or obtain something from me.
     
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  11. I feel you. I'm 36 and I've never even been on a date. I feel strange doing nofap because I feel I've robbed myself of the closest thing to sex I'll ever get. And as time goes on, I see that it seems less likely that Nofap is going to get me a woman. Yes, I know people might chime in with "Nofap isn't enough on its own. You gotta do x,y,and z." Well, my social anxiety is too bad for me to just cold approach or make bullshit conversation about the weather. Another thing is a lot of the women around me are taken anyway. I'm really just fucked.
     
  12. Brador

    Brador Fapstronaut

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    I feel you on this 1000%
     
  13. At this very moment hundreds of thousands of men who are dumber, duller and weaker than you are getting laid. Women have terrible tastes. Stop seeking approval from them and from anyone else besides yourself.

    If having a girlfriend is important to you, just get one. You're simply not trying hard enough. Millions of your ancestors most of whom were far more primitive organisms than you found themselves a pussy/cloaca. That means you can do it too.
     
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  14. letter

    letter Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    My Journal
    Stop saying “I can’t”

    Start saying “I can”

    The way you think creates your reality. Change the way you think. Change your reality.
     
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  15. Leo Szilard

    Leo Szilard Fapstronaut

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    Brador do not estimate your worth based on women , focus on yourself first , go to the red pill on reddit and read thr shit about the sidebar
     
  16. Brador

    Brador Fapstronaut

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    I certainly don't want a girlfriend and I'm definitely not seeking to be validated.

    My natural ability, or lack thereof to engage women, much less people in general, is nonexistent. And that as a man, a human being, I am convinced that I'm either broken beyond repair or that there is something else beyond my control or comprehension causing this. What I've gone through, and still continue to go through, nearly inexplicable and far from the relative normal.
     
  17. I had a similar problem with people reacting negatively to me, hostilely even, for no apparent reason. Then I tried acting in a very different way than I had used to. I spoke loudly, smiled, shared jokes, gave people compliments and gifts... I turned into an extrovert. Guess what happened?

    Over night, the reactions I received did a 180 degree turn. Most people I've met suddenly seemed to like me! When I turned back into my old gloomy self, the popularity went back down too.

    People are just like Tamagotchis. Feed them positive attention and they'll be happy. It's even sort of embarrassing how easy to bribe we are.
     
    LavaMe likes this.
  18. I think every guy wants a woman and validation. It's in our biology, unfortunately. And I know I feel worse when I try to deny it. I'm not very happy with women because they want nothing to do with me, but I still have a drive for them just like I have a drive for interactions with other guys.
     
  19. I can relate to you with the part about giving gifts. I have a guy I hang out with and I'm always buying a meals and paying for his gas and taking him out to play putt-putt golf with. I hate myself afterwards because I feel like I've been taken advantage of. I don't feel like I should have to buy friendship. But that's really all I have to offer is what little money I make. As for the smiling, people seem to get angry when I smile at them. maybe it's because they know it's phony.
     
  20. skibum71

    skibum71 Fapstronaut

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    Youre basically saying "why does no-one value me, when i attach no value to myself?"
    Thigs dont work that way, never have and never will. So that begs the question, how do I value myself? Well for people like us, with very low/non exsistent self esteem, learning to value yourself is a long, and sometimes hard road. Changes do not happen overnight. Ive battled through life (im 47) in this way, and last year after a rejection I decided to declare war on all the limiting narratives Ive been telling myself my whole life (Never gonna find anyone/ED + PE means no sex life ever again/no woman would come within a million miles of me/pretty much every other man is more attractive than me etc etc etc ...) With the help of a wonderful psychotherapist im starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Things are falling into place.
    I think you need to think about doing something similar. Or you can take the easy way out, tell yourself there is nothing you can do about it, put your feet up and enjoy a life of unhappiness, unfulfilment and loneliness.
    Its up to you where you go from here.
    Good luck!
     
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