On Ugliness

My looks are below-average by conventional, societal standards; primarily due to prominent facial features and some facial asymmetry. I have no interest in fixing my looks, but would like to learn to be at peace with them more consistently.

I'm rarely bothered by them, and have had few problems in the past forming friendships and romantic relationships; but on the days when I find myself obsessing and ruminating, what would you advise as techniques or mantras for reducing this?

 

No, that's not wrong, you're absolutely spot on! There are a few TED talks out there by speakers with severe physical deformities and YouTube channels devoted to interviewing persons with disabilities of various sorts; both of which I have found both heartwarming and sobering.

Perspective is an important thing, and its easy to take our good fortune for granted. Thank you for your post!

 

You're right, all things aside from virtue are inconsequential!

Went on a research hunt in this topic, and found some interesting bits and pieces. Attractive people see some advantages in life, particularly with regards to ease in making friends, forming relationships, earning trust, etc; but the less attractive have one big advantage, as highlighted in this paper:

https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/pdf/10.1111/pere.12173

"Across four studies, being more attractive physically predicted greater likelihood of relationship dissolution, briefer relationships, and decreased engagement in relationship-maintenance processes. In Studies 1 and 2, more physically attractive individuals were more likely to experience shorter marriages and higher divorce rates. In Study 3, more physically attractive individuals involved in dating relationships expressed less derogation of attractive alternatives. In Study 4, PA hurt relationship processes by predicting increased interest in attractive alternatives among those who were dissatisfied with their relationship. Study 4 is important in showing that being more physically attractive makes one’s relationship more vulnerable to threats—namely, those stemming from poor satisfaction with one’s existing relationship."

In being less attractive, we are far less likely to develop an inflated sense of entitlement, which in turn sabotages meaningful relationships; or to over-value our appearance, causing us to suffer from self-esteem related mental health issues later in life.

That's a heck of a positive!