Once had sex, not interested for days

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by thelightfantastic, Feb 18, 2020.

  1. thelightfantastic

    thelightfantastic Fapstronaut

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    Wondering if anyone can shed any light on why, after sex with my wife it takes days or even a week or twi before I’m interested again, it’s like it takes ages to generate sexual energy for somone else or to be in the mood, otherwise i feel like i don’t want to be touched for a few days and i feel more insular and more distant in general. But I’d be happy to masterbate. This has been going on way before i started NoFap, on a background of years of PMO addiction.

    my background is in my log, but been taking nofap seriously, on a 8 day streak and seeing some benefits already.
     
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  2. thelightfantastic

    thelightfantastic Fapstronaut

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    Anyone??? Does anyone see or read my posts?
     
  3. thelightfantastic

    thelightfantastic Fapstronaut

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  4. thelightfantastic

    thelightfantastic Fapstronaut

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    hey, thanks so much for the very insightful post, its uncanny how closely how I’ve been feeling finally fits a model that makes sense , your post really made up for the lack of replies son thanks!
     
  5. Severusx

    Severusx Fapstronaut

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    Hey just read your post. I am just 19 years old and facing a similar issue. I was on the 5th day streak, abstaining from porn and masturbation. I met my girlfriend and i got a handjob. The orgasm was way too good but after that I suddenly felt so distant like i started even questioning my sexuality. What should i do?
     
  6. thelightfantastic

    thelightfantastic Fapstronaut

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    Did you see the ted talk and the link?

    They explain things pretty good, they don’t directly address our issue but essentially what i took from it is that, the way our brains respond to sexual arousal is now so fucked up we no longer behave normally. So feeling weird after sex I’m guessing is an anxiety response which is mixed up with sex as a result of long term PMO abuse.

    so trust the process of abstaining from PMO and remember that recovery is not linear, we will have both good and bad periods.

    I think that having sex probably isn’t as effective as hard mode but not a bad compromise if you’re in a relationship.

    This week i had sex twice, first was great and we both enjoyed it, second time 2 days later I nearly PIED and didn’t O, I didn’t have enough time off between sex, before i was really ready for sex again i think. Im hoping this gets better with time. Im going to update my journal today with more details of my recent experience if you’re interested.
     
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  7. Severusx

    Severusx Fapstronaut

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    Yeah i did watch the ted talk. Made very much sense to me. Yeah i think P is messing with us very bad.Will definitely read your journal.Also, i am a virgin. I have has this HOCD for a few months now but i have always been into girls.When i get that distant feeling after the orgasm, it just makes me think if i am not straight and this is just my sexual experience trying to tell me i am gay.
     
  8. If you're usually into girls you cannot be gay. At most you're bi but then you have some choice in the matter. But seriously, feeling low libido afterwards feels normal.

    Back when I first start my relationship I wanted to have sex everyday or more and my gf thought something was wrong with her because she wasnt as horny. Back then I figured Im a guy, more T thats just normal so we would be once or twice a week as she wanted. But now just a few years later as I start the journey I seem to be more in line with her.
    I think the porn made me hypersexualized and left me always craving. As I fill my time and thoughts with other things its already slowed to approx every 4 days for me. I expect it might slow down even further since Im not being mentally exposed to a new girl(s) in between anymore via porn.
     
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  9. Rehab101

    Rehab101 Fapstronaut

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    Yea, i feel the same way. I think its bc of novelty and being attracted to the same person again takes effort and time. Having porn is basically have a sex slave to please u alone without asking anything in return.
     
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  10. thelightfantastic

    thelightfantastic Fapstronaut

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    I’ve updated my journal.

    @Satwik sounds like classic HOCD to me mate. Be brave and wonder into the uknown wilderness of PMO free lifestyle
     
  11. Severusx

    Severusx Fapstronaut

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    Help please.
     
  12. ctrl urself

    ctrl urself Fapstronaut

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    it sounds like you’re going through a shift bro. Don’t discount power of this process, even at 5 days, it’s already beginning. You are experiencing the value of retaining and it’s going to be *super* tricky now you have a gf, but it can be done. Give yourself the gift
     
    Last edited: Feb 28, 2020
  13. ctrl urself

    ctrl urself Fapstronaut

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    There’s a deeper element also. I feel you would get some value from reading/listening to David Deida. There’s stuff on YouTube, I recommend the audios on his web page though, and also the way of the superior man
     
  14. Severusx

    Severusx Fapstronaut

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    Yeah man super unfortunate but we broke up. Yesterday was the 10th day and this girl sent me nudes and i finally masturbated. Should i start over or should this become a no P streak? Also what do you mean by the word shift?
     
  15. I can agree with you there actually, I think p0rn hyper sexualised me too! In my late 20s/early 30s I was craving sex non stop! More than when I was a teenager!!! I had no idea p0rn was doing this to me...like, I would PMO 3-5 times a day, AND have sex in the evening with my wife. I thought that was normal for a guy of that age.
     
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  16. ctrl urself

    ctrl urself Fapstronaut

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    a shift happens as you go through this process, and it will feel weird and new probably. The shift in general is back to who you are, shedding the triggers and addictions along the way. It feels like you had a taste of this, then had a huge pullback after experiencing the intensity of orgasm.
    At your stage, I’d do your best to leave guilt & shame behind and start over. With new insights into how and why you relapsed. This shit will show you your triggers
     
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  17. Severusx

    Severusx Fapstronaut

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    Yeah man you’re right. So i should completely stop masturbating? Not even sexting?
     
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  18. ctrl urself

    ctrl urself Fapstronaut

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    Everyone has to find what works, for the short & long term. If your goal is to defeat the triggers and wounds, then hands off for 90 days is the deepest and best way. It’ll be hard for a while because we don’t just masturbate for thrills. It’s to soothe emotions usually. And porn is another beast all together.

    As for being with a woman, it’s a personal choice. I’ve been with two in my 30 odd days, and looks like I’ve met my someone. I’m still retaining though... and that is hard work! You have to really want to heal bro
     
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