Once is is lost can you get it back?

Mkngitwrk

Mkngitwrk

Fapstronaut
Things have been going really good for me lately and I am on a roll. I have been clean and have not had any desire to PMO! I have been single for a little and have found out so much about myself and feel that I am enjoying my own company. Unlike many others I have not been married but have had some very serious long term relationships. Recently one of my old flames has asked me out and I am unsure of what to do since I am enjoying my tranquility and not having to cater to others needs. This individual however was a great lover but a not partner. Loving, caring, independant, but demanding and untrustworthy. So the question is how do you trust again when someone has broken that trust? I can't forget and the action for some is unforgivable. I had strong feelings for the person in the past and when they reached out I had an erection thinking about the sex. Is this enough to get back with the person as a friend...? Knowing it may lead to more, sex.?
 
Hi Mkngitwrk,
I can imagine familiar always feels great and I tend to usually only remember the good memories when reflecting back on my past flames. All the times great love making sessions and wanting to do anything to get it back. However it is equally important to remember all the negative parts, in your case, why did you leave in the first place? Second are you out for a FB or a GF?

These will all play a part in your decision. If you are looking for a FB there are plently of fish out there, and she might be one of them as long as you don't feel bad afterwards. It is sometimes hard to create a hard line / isolate past feelings especially when trust was broken.

If you are looking for a GF? does she think that as well? and why did you leave her in the first place and are you able to forgive her?

Finally, are you only wanting to reach out to her because it is easy, familiar, guaranteed lovemaking, and convient? If yes, make sure you don't get hurt!
 
I feel like it would depend on what you are looking for right now.
In either case, be open and honest about what you want to do or not do with her.
 
She is seeking me. I'm really not looking for a GF but I don't want to just blow her off. I don't have to make any decisions now anyway. Thanks for the thought provoking feedback.
 
it is tempting to get with an old flame, but you have to remember why you broke up in the first place. Then think about how you treated her when you were together and a PA. I wouldnt suggest jumping into bed with her, but you should talk to her. be honest and tell her what you've been doing and about you PA. Be completely open cause what's the worst thing that'll happen. she'll think you're a weirdo and leave or she'll be happy you were honest with her. either way good luck and enjoy being sober, it really is a great feeling.
 
Good to hear, sometimes just sharing a lunch and conversation can be a good thing.
 
Mkngitwrk said:
We set up a date for lunch..no expectations.
Click to expand...

Hey @Mkngitwrk i would just be honest with her about how you feel. You don’t have to go into your whole nofap journey with her, but you can go into where you are as far as not looking for a relationship and how you have been working on self discovery and improving yourself. You like where you are and want to keep exploring that. Who knows, maybe she isn’t looking for anything serious either. I don’t know if you would be interested in her as a FWB. depending on how things ended with you two as a couple, I think the easiest time a FWB has of working is when two people know each other well, and like one another, but both know they aren’t relationship material. Anyway, something to think about if your both on the same page with it.
 
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