Once upon a time ( 400 plus Days)

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by arush1001, Apr 23, 2018.

  1. arush1001

    arush1001 Fapstronaut

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    Yes i did around 400 days of nofap hardmode (2015-16) and out of them 300 plus days i had been in a flatline with crazy mood swings ( Highs felt like crazy and lows pushed me in alone).
    Once i broke 400 days streak, i had some small streaks but all of them were less than 90 days. I know it was my fault to get into this spiral again. But now i am more determined than ever to do this streak again with a target of 500 days, currently day 18. I am helping around 20 people so that they dont make the same mistakes that i did. As per my current situation, highs and lows are balancing out and that is the sign of healing.

    Now only two things come in my life
    1. Breathing
    2. Nofap (Hard mode)

    I will take my revenge from porn.
     
  2. outwithold

    outwithold Fapstronaut

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    I guess what your saying sort of confirms to me that basically once we are an addict there is no 'cure' really...
    a set number of days doesnt = cure... I know I cant believe that ill be free from all this in so many days.. but hey im also open to it if it happens of course!
    The only issue also if that is the truth is that maybe we would abuse that also... ah its ok.. i only need to go 90 days and im cured again.. lol

    Anyway as Im seeing it as a lifestyle choice not to use porn or other destructive sexual behaviours in this instance and for me its not really all about the length of time involved as everyday is a new one where addiction is concerned...

    No matter NOFAP or what.. I realise I wont be forever protected from lifes ups and downs.. I guess thats a realisation of it... so everyday is as important as the other in my book!

    I think from what ive read and heard ...stopping any addiction can bring out strange underlying stuff including those emotions and those uncomfortable feelings we were probably hiding from initially... and maybe are what drove us to PMO as a 'solution' to deal with them?

    I realised that I had to STOP all this for one but I also realise I probably need to process the underlying stuff too...
    as it doesnt just go away..
    I think stopping is just a part of the whole process but maybe I will proved wrong..

    Anyway...It sounds like you came face to face with why you want to PMO during that massive streak and it didnt make sense maybe that you were still dealing with it ?or were having negative stuff coming up even after that amount of time so you gave in?...
    Obviously you have some great insights during that time as to what youve faced and how youve felt during do you have a thread somewhere like a journal?

    All that I can think or suggest to maybe help further if your not doing so is maybe some counselling, group therapy with fellow addicts and making futher life enhancing changes maybe?

    But again I dont have the answers as Im not there yet, but this is what Im working on putting in place for myself to give myself the best chance of staying clean!

    Kind regards brother
     
    boz and arush1001 like this.
  3. arush1001

    arush1001 Fapstronaut

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    Yes bro nofap is not a 90 or days game, If we succeed in making it a lifestyle then only we are truly on nofap journey
    Yes bro nofap is not about 90 days or 150 days. Its meant to be a lifestyle change.
     
  4. outwithold

    outwithold Fapstronaut

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    So may I ask? was it purely the undesirable thoughts, emotions and uncomfortable feelings that sort of made you throw the towel in the last time?

    we all talk about urges and cravings but I believe if we have a problem and we dont want to look into it we will try and cover it up with a solution... eventually the gap between the problem and solution closes and becomes automatic, its only when we stop the what is now an addictive and compulsive behaviour.. does the gap begin to widen until we are presented with the problem.. Im not sure if thats correct entirely but it sort of feel right for me..
     
  5. boz

    boz Fapstronaut

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    Excellent post. Thank you
     
  6. arush1001

    arush1001 Fapstronaut

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    It was more of carelessness. My motivation reduced because my recovery was taking a long time. I never imagined that i would fell so miserable even after 250 plus days. But i understood that youngsters need 6 months to 1 year to fully reboot.
     
  7. Fenix Rising

    Fenix Rising Fapstronaut

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    400 days, congrats! How did crazy mood swings look like? I'm 150 in 'hardmode' and in deep depression right now. I was almost euphoric just a month ago, planning going on two journeys with total strangers. First one was a disaster and I'm going on a second one (for 11 days) in two days, but really don't wanna go. Have no energy left, depressed, anxious, worried but I can't cancel it anymore. Does such behavior qualify as crazy mood swings? How to cope with it?
     
    arush1001 likes this.
  8. outwithold

    outwithold Fapstronaut

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    It sounds like youve been getting to the stage of being right in the face of the issues that make me want to PMO in the first place..
    which is actually good even though Im guessing it doesnt feel like that..
     
  9. arush1001

    arush1001 Fapstronaut

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    Mood swings often flipped my life upside down, highs gave me a King like feel while lows pushed me alone and depressed (Felt not in a stage to talk to anyone). Those 400 days gave me a very good healing for my crazy dopamine imbalance. Even if i am on day 20 right now, I feel like a stable personality. my highs are not maniac and my lows are not that bad now. My brother, time is the only answer for porn addiction recovery. So i have decided to ignore the noise and keep moving on this path.
     
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