One Couple Who Takes On The World

Hi there! I had an idea to start a journal for me and my SO @Forte B. could really get down to the nitty gritty of our relationship. We have been having some trouble communicating so by writing things down we can really evaluate what we need to work on in our relationship. If you would like to read about my personal story you can refer to one of my postings about my personal addiction to web-camming or my journal, and if you want my SO's personal story you can refer to @Forte B. to his journal. We both will be posting daily, this is more for our sake but it could really be helpful for new couples entering NoFap. We will be addressing the readers and to each other.

Negatives:
-We become very frustrated with each other
Positives:
-We bounce back quickly

I would like to try and reduce the amount of spats we have, we misunderstand each other a little too much which causes most of the fights. I yell too much and he's passive aggressive. It's tough but we love each other and want to improve our relationship (and it has thanks to NoFap), love takes time and effort. I need to learn to shut my mouth, watch my wording and I feel he needs to listen more but also speak his mind.

@Forte B. I love you more than you can ever imagine. Please understand I need to work on my hard head attitude. I'm too stubborn for my own good.

 

That article was amazing @Limeaid it really helped in realizing what roles we play in our relationship which is allowing us to call ourselves out when we display aggressive or annoying behavior. We've have been doing the best we have even been in our entire relationship! @Forte B. has been so incredible supportive and very thoughtful. It honestly has been so beautiful between us, especially the moments in where we have realized our mistakes, openly acknowledge and apologize for our behavior.
I can work on my negative thoughts, it really affects the way I think and feel about @Forte B. which really truthfully sucks. I have been treating them as fantasies in which I nick them in the bud. It has been helping immensely. Another thing is we're pretty cranky in the morning which is normal for the both of us but filled with kisses when he drops me off from work

Today was really good, we were both cranky but again hugs and kisses, I visited him at work and he gave me three big hugs which made my day He's also working a double which isn't easy my poor baby I miss him very much right now, I could use some cuddles right now

 

Well had a lot to drink during dinner which lead to sexy time and crying. I let my fears of his addiction affecting our future, he held me while I cried and told him everything. My fears of this addicting ruining a marriage, children, our love. It's always been there but I have never told him the extent of it. I am afraid of the future terrified in fact, love can make you feel things that you could never imagine. I never imagined loving someone and being afraid of losing them so much. I don't want to lose us, I want us to be happy. I also understand he sometimes wants to be alone and do what he needs to do but it reminds me of when he was pmo'ing and would do nothing but watch youtube and porn. It's like ptsd or something, I get flash backs and become so anxious and scared. But I understand, sometimes I want to be alone so I can do some things too. We don't live together which makes this weird become we don't spend everyday together. Only thursdays. Sure he takes me to work but we don't hang out so the whole wanting to be alone thing gets me upset. This week was different, we had his house to ourselves (I didn't sleep over). I feel as if this is a coping mechanism for him when h's upset he wants to be alone. Wallowing in his sadness, afraid of facing himself.

Things we need to work on:
-not being afraid of our emotions
-keep going towards our future

@Forte B. We can no longer be afraid! There will always be fear but it's us who choose to conquer it. I love you more than the universe can hold and I choose to walk with you. We are strong.

 

Okay, things aren't going so well at all. I feel like we're going backwards, he keeps saying I'm angry because of my job but it's not my job. I actually like my job sure it's hard but worth it. What has been causing my anger is he stopped telling me anything. Nothing about how he's doing (pmo wise, feelings wise, life wise), the fact that I'm the one who has to ask and if I do ask he gets upset. I'm starting to hit my limit. It's getting to that point again. It scares the living shit out of me. And if he does tell me, he sugar coats. He tries to reassure me he hasn't relapsed but how am I supposed to believe him when he hasn't tried rebuilding trust with me in the past 120 days? I think it's time to put a limit: No more lying. Ever again. I will never accept or forgive another lie. My foot is placed firmly down. I will stop being angry and be me. I had do many chances to blow up on him today and I did not. I am choosing to see and do the right thing. We are here to better ourselves as people, together, with each other. Even if it means hearing the ugly truth.

Issues:
-he creates scenarios in his head in which I do terrible things to him, which makes him suddenly become angry or upset with me.
-I do get angry but not because of him, it's redirected.

To do
-I'm going to start my daily meditation again.
-I'm going to explain to him why I'm upset ( when I do become upset) in order to be able to pin point the root.
-He needs to open up!
-Always be honest with me!

I love you. We need to build our trust, it's vital to any relationship! Trust. I'm here for you, for better or worse. You need to understand that. I need you to be here for me too, yes I'm currently mad at you but it doesn't mean I stopped loving you.

 

Actually, forte is the one going through PMO addiction. I am his supporting partner. The counter I have isn't for pmo but has to do with the warped sexuality he had towards me. He has problems with being honest and upfront, I have ALWAYS been honest and upfront with my feelings except he seems to get upset when I talk to him in a kind tone (never yelling or screaming). The problem is I already know everything and he still has trouble being honest. It's been over 6 months. It's my trust that has been broken. He has yet to attempt to build trust. I am angry because I have been VERY VERY patient and I do not lash out or yell AT ALL. An addiction is not easy but I have given him PLENTY of chances over YEARS and it's time for more now. He is the one having trouble moving forward. I have forgiven for this past but it's time for a brighter future. I will stick by his side but I cannot fix him, only he can fix himself.( I appreciate the comment but there's much information that you are missing that are both in our journals which you did state) And this is a duel journal we both post to clarify for each other. But again thank you!

 

Okay, lack of communication is the issue at hand. I need you to be able to talk to me. It's causing a strain right now, especially when you're passive aggressiveness comes in. I was being pushy today and I apologize for that, I am now aware of that. It's tough since I'm used to you mostly saying no so a small push would get you to do things (dancing, fishing, running) that would allow you to get out of your room and have fun but I will no longer do that.
Goals:
-always communicate how you feel (sad, angry, upset, annoyed ect....)
-for me to never become pushy!
-Always be honest

 

So last night he finally realized he was passive aggressive. Which is a start. I still feel the lack of my desire for intimacy which is still weird. I just feel mentally and physically exhausted. I'm trying my best to find a good balance but WE BOTH need to work together on this. I don't like scheduling time since I'm used to him wanting his "space". We also spoke about his resentment towards me because I make more money than he does. It makes me want to quit my job. My feelings are mixed up between doing whatever he wants and being able to assert myself. It's tough. I feel as if I am at fault for all his problems (I know I'm not).
Goals:
-being straight forward with our feelings
-scheduling time
-figuring out what we both want from this relationship

 

So, we need to seriously buck up. Things have never been so heated and angry. I'm not sure of the solutions, but I'll try to find something. I know when you read this you're going to be upset.