One last failure...is what I needed.

I don't know what it was about this last relapse, but I feel so much different, so much stronger about rebooting than I've ever felt in the last 3 months since joining NoFap. I think it's a combination of cutting way, way back on the booze, the gambling, getting my ass back into the gym. I fell in love with a beautiful girl during the time I realized why my dick was broken. Why it's been broken for so long. Best part is, it's not my dick, it's my fuckin' brain. It didn't work out with that beautiful girl for obvious reasons. I felt bad for her. I felt like I lied to her, and in a way, I guess I did. That's the part that hit me this last relapse. This is a girl I think about every day and what might have been. Not that I'm crying about it, but it was just bad timing. When I relapsed this last time, I thought to myself, "Are you fucking kidding me? Again? You fucking did it again?! What the fuck is wrong with you?!" I'm embarrassed and angry, which is what I deserve. Not being able to be "with" her emasculated the fuck outta me. And I continued to relapse, regardless. But now, now it's like it all finally hit me. All the embarrassment, all the anger, all feeling like a half-a-man, a beat-off, a little fuck with no balls. Like all my testosterone was drained from my body; a fucking milquetoast. That's not what I am, but that's what I became. The thought of jerking off right now turns my fucking stomach. I guess one last relapse is just what the Dr. ordered.

In the movie, "Forgetting Sarah Marshall", the big Hawaiian, (I forget his name), tells Peter, (the main character, who's girlfriend Sarah, broke up with him) "It's like the Sopranos; it's over. Find a new show."
Let's all find a new show.

 

I will, Bri, thank you! It's only been 4 days, but I'm still feeling strong, (even though I drank. Drinking tends to make me wanna fap). You stay strong as well!! We WILL win this battle.