One night stands while on NoFap

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Purifythesoul, Sep 11, 2019.

  1. Purifythesoul

    Purifythesoul Fapstronaut

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    I started nofap after my erections with girls were no longer at 100% and I had a hard time getting off. It has now been two weeks of no orgasms and my erections are back much stronger.

    Should I continue nofap on hard mode or is it wise to go back to hooking up? Will my erections go to shit again if I don't do a full reboot? I think I'm done with porn for life after seeing how bad it is, but I'm in college and sex is quite available, so abstaining completely will be a challenge.
     
    AspiringVitality likes this.
  2. Gratefulforchange

    Gratefulforchange Fapstronaut

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    Tough one sir. Will getting laid lead you back to PMO? Maybe..... maybe not. But two weeks is no 90 days. The libido is a hard thing to manage when we’re young. And getting laid always seems like a good idea to most any guy.
    Your erections are connected to your brain. Your brain is connected to PMO even though you have had a reprieve. Since hooking up is so easy it sounds like if you go a little longer, you won’t miss out. My addiction always thinks it’s going to miss out on something. Truth is, PMO, girls, sex will alone there in some form. But my peace of mind may not be.
    Myself, I would try to go a while longer. This is your mental health we are talking about! It’s worth a little more time. But in the end, we all have to go through what we have to go through. As long as we learn from choices, good or bad, it is us who benefit.
    Keep us in the loop! And keep on truckin
     
  3. I would advise you similar. In a way I think of One-Night-Stands as very similar to PMO. Sure, not exactly the same, but similar.

    You do something easy that feels good for a bit but also something with no committment and no positive aspects for your future.
    Sure you can hook up with a girl on a one night stand, but what have you learned? Sure, you can jack off to P but what have you learned?

    Finding a meaningful relationship with real intimacy and real good sex life is something that is hard work at the beginning, but pays off incredibly.

    That's my opinion :)

    On another note, have you ever asked yourself why you want to have one-Night-Stands? I used to think having sex with a lot of different girls is exactly what I wanted, then I asked why? I realized I only wanted to do it to get recognition from others, to boost my own self-confidence - not for the sex itself (as sex with a girl you know good is much better imo)
     
  4. Purifythesoul

    Purifythesoul Fapstronaut

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    I agree, but the temptation is so strong I might not be able to resist it. I've already had to decline sex with girls I was attracted to because of nofap and it doesn't feel to good.

    The intimacy without having to give anything is just too much to pass up. If you want something and it's there for pennies, it just makes no logical sense not to take it; it's hard to convince yourself not to do it.

    Having a girl can be great, no doubt, but you have to invest time and emotional energy. I don't know if a man can resist free sex with girls he's attracted to... but sexual exhaustion is still definitely a factor even if porn is forever renounced. Hopefully there is a balance to be achieved instead of a cycle of lust and exhaustion, to then cleansing and resting.

    It's a tough one.
     
    Last edited: Sep 12, 2019
    Consencus likes this.
  5. I think this is something we can and have to achive. I realized that this mindset doesn't magically change as soon as you are in a relationship. In a relationship you might not always get sex whenever you want, so you have a similar urge like now. And if you then can't pass on 'free sex' it's a problem. And even more: you will have the mindset to 'need' more women even if you are in a relationship (as mindsets don't change easy). And that's an even bigger problem (for your mental well-being)
     
  6. LifeAdvancer

    LifeAdvancer Fapstronaut

    How did you even get to a point where you can have ONS whenever you want? Sounds impossible for me :)
    Sone input from my side: The rebound effect exists, so going hardmode is easier. You could make sure that you get laid every time you want to, so that you don't get the urges again, but if you can achieve this, why are you even here?
     
  7. bobjames127

    bobjames127 Fapstronaut

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    Don't fool yourself. I've made this mistake of engaging in sex, even after 6 months, while on nofap thinking that everything will work itself out. If you have an addiction-wired brain, your sex life will eventually lead you back into PMO related sex and then PMO fantasies. Meaning, all the healing you think that you've done will be undone. As many people have stated, this is a long term game if you do want to be completely healed, and maintain strong erections based on the sight of a woman and mutual intimacy, opposed to fantasies based around parts of the woman. This healing will take a long time. I've been at this a few years and entered a few relationships thinking that intimacy based sex will help me rewire, however, usually intimacy based sex eventually drifts into PMO-based sex and then I'm back at the start. For this reason, I firmly believe a complete long-term reboot is absolutely necessary--one that may last 1-3 years. This is if you want more than just strong erections from not having sex in so long. Trust me, these strong erections will fade the moment your mind drifts back to PMO fantasies.
     
  8. Purifythesoul

    Purifythesoul Fapstronaut

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    The environment favours it, we party every weekend, have one of the best houses etc. *Sex can lead to exhaustion just like porn does, especially if you have novelty combined with it. It was actually the combination of porn and sex that caused my erection problems.

    But if you don't experience it in youth you might get the midlife crisis and go sex crazy... it's a double edged sword.

    This sounds very severe, all the reason never to watch porn again. I don't ever want to get at that level; I've always somewhat managed it and never got to liking any hardcore stuff. What excites me is beauty more so than any body part and I've always connected emotionally with women.

    I have no idea what having a long term (2+ years) girlfriend will be like though, and a desire for novelty might be there until midlife. It's good to bring awareness though to the fact that sex can also cause exhaustion and it's not just porn that we have to be weary about.

    The big temptation will be tomorrow and it'll also be day 14, the urge is already screaming. If you're in college and you live in a house that has girls over all the time, how can you resist? I really do want to go longer and what you're saying is pretty scary, but it's going to fucking suck...
     
    Last edited: Sep 12, 2019
  9. Purifythesoul

    Purifythesoul Fapstronaut

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    Man I feel good on day 14. Zinc supplements really helped and also eggs every morning with butter and grilled cheese, to get that testosterone right. Dealing with sexual exhaustion is a big part of recovery from sex/porn addiction, because if you feel good then you'll want to keep that feeling and maybe not abuse your body in the future. Too much cumming depletes your nutrients, especially zinc, and I believe this is a big part of what guys here call the flatline--it's just lowered testosterone.

    You either satisfy your lust and feel like shit or you exercise patience and feel good. Let's see what happens tonight, I'll be happy either way. We must love our bodies first.
     
  10. Purifythesoul

    Purifythesoul Fapstronaut

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    Porn and even sex are truly horrible things. The world just seems so beautiful and perfect without them; everything fits; there is true peace to be found. Satisfying sexual urges only seems to make life boring and meaningless.

    This is the longest I've been without orgasm and it's the best decision I've ever made.
     
  11. Purifythesoul

    Purifythesoul Fapstronaut

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    Just had sex with a girl that was just too into me to decline... Did it twice, erection was fine maybe 80%. I pulled all the strings, did everything I could mentally, but it was just too much, the more I ran the more it grew, the more she was into it. I feel fine, tired but ok.

    I'm going to try to keep it once a week max, but I've found out there is just a point where you can't control your body and the animal in you takes over. It's hard because we are so much better without sex; more moral; more hard working; disciplined; reason loving. Nonetheless a learning experience and in a strange way shows that sex has very little value other than what our egos assign to it. It felt good at first but then animalistic and at the end I saw in her but a clumsy doll.

    It has never been easier to see a woman as an object than it is now: it's sad, but true. While there may be women that can be beautiful mothers and grandmothers and keep families together, there are also those that are promiscuous their entire lives and have criminals for sons and strippers for daughters.

    This is what you're potentially creating by engaging with these women; you may seed the scum of the earth. There is a fatalism to the whole thing, a biological determinism. Now the emptiness starts seeping in, like life has no value.
     
    Consencus likes this.
  12. Purifythesoul

    Purifythesoul Fapstronaut

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    Painful moments really give us strength, perspective has definitely come. It may seem that many of the actions we do are harmful or redundant, but they're not, we can only truly learn by first hand experience. The cost of being free is pain because only pain can keep you strong enough to deserve freedom. All the men that are controlled by their girlfriends and wives simply refuse to grow, to become men, and women hate them for it, embarrassing and degrading them daily.

    These men chose comfort and submission, instead of accepting the challenge of becoming men and then leaders, the hard road that comes with that. I see now that casual sex is a necessity before we can have the true leadership abilities to be in a relationship and eventually become fathers.
     
  13. Harry Pottery

    Harry Pottery Fapstronaut

    My two cents: College usually lasts 4 years. A basic reboot would last 30 to 90 days. I leave the math to you.
     
    Gratefulforchange likes this.
  14. Purifythesoul

    Purifythesoul Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, it's not going to work out. Completely went sex crazy yesterday. I'm going to try to do 90 days and hopefully that will show me what moderation means. I really don't want to get a girlfriend but I might need one just to save me from lust. At least if I cheat on her she'll make me feel bad for it and maybe that'll restrain my urges enough.

    What a shit hole society we live in, I should in no way have access to all this, it destroys one's ambition, one's discipline... It's truly awful.
     
    need4realchg and Freeddom_Taker like this.
  15. BigBallOfFire

    BigBallOfFire Fapstronaut

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    sorry please explain like Im five
    > usually intimacy based sex eventually drifts into PMO-based sex

    what those two differ? PMO based sex is what? when you fuck your girl like in porn?
     
  16. BigBallOfFire

    BigBallOfFire Fapstronaut

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    Well I just love sex! I didnt had ONS when I was in my 20s almost at all (Im 36 now) so I'd like to fulfill that... before its too late!
     
  17. BigBallOfFire

    BigBallOfFire Fapstronaut

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    was she happy after sex and how she was fucked at least? ;)
     
  18. bobjames127

    bobjames127 Fapstronaut

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    What I mean is that you begin to want fantasy and start to not be aroused by intimacy. For example, I end up just wanting handjobs or blowjobs rather than penetration. And have a hard time being aroused just from kissing.
     
  19. BigBallOfFire

    BigBallOfFire Fapstronaut

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    I see. I think I have healed that part, kissing is the most arousing part for me... but with time idk maybe it just becomes boring. For me biggest problem I think was the energy depletion thing... after dating a new gf I noticed my energy levels going down so I moved to more alcohol or caffeine or other stuff to keep the energy flowing- which only further exposed me and made me more vulnerable.
     
  20. bobjames127

    bobjames127 Fapstronaut

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    That's interesting I do the same. Like right after sex all I want to do is drink beer. I think that's a sign if dopamine addiction.
     

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