One of my male friends is a trigger for me

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by abcdofindia, Nov 12, 2018.

  1. abcdofindia

    abcdofindia Fapstronaut

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    How do I prevent myself from getting triggered around him.
    I can't avoid him because he's in the same social group as me... please help... any advice will be helpful
     
  2. kropo82

    kropo82 Fapstronaut

    A couple of ideas, hopefully others have more
    1. Set up boundaries when you are talking to him: don't talk about anything that you wouldn't be comfortable talking to him about in front of your boyfriend.
    2. Acknowledge the thought, the trigger, and then move your mind onto other things (not easy at first but this gets easier with practice).
     
    Last edited: Nov 12, 2018
  3. abcdofindia

    abcdofindia Fapstronaut

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    Thank you, I'll implement these two ideas during our next interaction...
    I'll need to prepare myself to consciously take cognition of the things that he does or says that trigger me...
    Thank you
     
  4. Tom30

    Tom30 Fapstronaut

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    This is good advice. Id only add to avoid being alone with him. Hopefully its not an issue as youve indicated youre both part of a group of friends but if youre going to end up in a situation alone with this guy invite some of your other friends along, or if youre all meeting up try and make sure you arrive when theres more than just him.
     
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  5. abcdofindia

    abcdofindia Fapstronaut

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    You're right.
    Unfortunately, owing to our college work-stuff I endup being alone with him 90% of the time. Which is what bothers me the most. I endup up reaching home feeling weird.
    And when I try to avoid him, he starts following me around to check what's wrong and tries to get my attention... which is particularly annoying...
    I don't understand men anymore.
     
  6. Tom30

    Tom30 Fapstronaut

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    Following you around and putting demands on your attention is not good, its big red flag behaviour. Be very clear with him what your boundaries are and that you have a bf and dont need him to check up on you or follow you.
     
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  7. CTRL + DEL

    CTRL + DEL Fapstronaut

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    Self-control and willpower go hand in hand here :D

    In an unavoidable peril such as this, the only thing you can do is to improve your own skills while learning the fragile balance between ignoring someone and being unaffected by them.

    This is an internal struggle, and so the solution can be found in your own persona :) You need not look far! It's a new approach you need; nothing else. The answers are with you, but the route is one you must forge on your own!

    Think. What exactly is so triggering?
    The way he looks?
    The way he behaves?
    The personality he has?
    What is the real attraction towards? Once you find it; alter your view on it!
     
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  8. abcdofindia

    abcdofindia Fapstronaut

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    Hmm... True. I'll try doing that.
    Thank you so much for your time and patience :) Really appreciate it :)
     
  9. abcdofindia

    abcdofindia Fapstronaut

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    I agree with you. The answer probably lies within me. I just need to have the patience to think it through.

    I don't know what it is that triggers me. It's jus his general persona. I've never felt something like this my whole life. Maybe its the consequence of over-indulgence into my fantasies. I should have joined NoFap a long time back.
     
  10. ras-tanura

    ras-tanura Fapstronaut

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    Harmless flirting is normal between friends. The journey we're all in isn't normal.

    How much do you really want to recover from PMO? If you are sure he is a trigger, cut him and the social group off (temporarily). Remember the saying "Those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter". Everyone has the right to space. You're at war with your mind... people can wait.
     
  11. kropo82

    kropo82 Fapstronaut

    One other thought, and you may not want to hear this, but do think through the possibility that being triggered by his persona is a sign that perhaps you should split up with your boyfriend and move on. That's probably not the case but you should think about it.
     
  12. CTRL + DEL

    CTRL + DEL Fapstronaut

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    Yeah!
    Just don't give in and tell him outright how you feel. I speak as a guy who's spent a few years in the same country as you and trust me when I say that guys here metamorph when they hear a girl likes them. *shivers* I guess I can't speak for everybody though.

    Make the transition very gradual. Funnily enough, treat your case as a science experiment. Everyday, try to understand a little better what aspect of him is the real cause of your attraction.
    Divide the possibilities into the following classes:
    1. Appearance
    2. Personality / General Attitude
    3. Common Interests
    (You can expand as you see fit).

    An easier way, however, is to reverse engineer your way into identifying what makes you "click" when he's around. Ask yourself what you want in an ideal bf and cross-check that list with his traits. You don't need to experiment if you follow this way.

    Good luck ^^
     
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  13. abcdofindia

    abcdofindia Fapstronaut

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    wow that's a great idea!
    I'll start with the ideal boyfriend thing... I'm pretty sure this guy wouldn't make it anywhere close to my checklist... he represents everything that i don't like in a guy
     
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  14. CTRL + DEL

    CTRL + DEL Fapstronaut

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    It's smooth sailing from here ^^
    And thanks for the follow! You honour me :D
     
  15. ClaritySeeker

    ClaritySeeker Fapstronaut

    A guy-friend whose general persona turns you on when you are around him. Maybe you're in love with him? I have no idea, but that's what it kind of sounds like to me. Or maybe it's just an effect of PMO and you won't find out until you've completed your NoFap Quest.
     

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