One of the Most Important things I've learned through NoFap

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Andrew0268, Apr 9, 2015.

  1. Andrew0268

    Andrew0268 Fapstronaut

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    One of the most important things I've learned through NoFap is that I don't NEED a woman.

    Now I realize, I need a woman if I'm going to have a family. I need women in the world to make life more beautiful and run effectively. Women are needed for all sorts of things and not just sex and making me feel good.

    But, going for more than 30 days made me realize that I don't NEED any particular woman to feel good about myself. I don't need one in order to be complete in my life. I just don't need one anymore.

    Yeah, I really enjoy them, I desire them, I want them... But if I don't get one then I'll be ok. And if I don't get a particular one that I want, while being disappointed, I'll also be ok. It'll still hurt, but I will survive.

    Before I went 30 day I thought I wouldn't be OK deep down. I thought I would never be complete without sex. And now I realize that I can be happy even without sex. I don't NEED a sexual relationship anymore for the purposes of feeling good about myself and feeling complete in myself.
     
  2. fapequalsdeath

    fapequalsdeath Fapstronaut

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    Yeah pretty much true, you won't die w/o fap or sex. I personally consider it as a bonus to have someone you "love", or multiple someone's :D
     
  3. Philip1990

    Philip1990 Fapstronaut

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    that's what i call being enlighted. So many guys are dependent on women -> Nice guys , pickupartist and so much other men.

    Never again i will make women responsible for my happiness and fullfillment. Doing that is like giving your life into their hands and they will play with it. Trust me.

    Regards
    Phil
     
  4. Limeaid

    Limeaid Guest

    Brilliant!! Be with someone because they add value to your life not because you think they are your life. So many people, men and women, seek others to "complete them". You are full and complete on your own :)
     
  5. segaiolo91

    segaiolo91 Fapstronaut

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    Hi Andrew, I'm currently suffering very hard for a breakup, I'm very sad and I'm thinking about her all the time, telling me I'll never find another girl like her, that she was THE ONE and blaming me for my faults . I know probably it's not true, but I'm struggling to change my mind.
    Do you think NoFap could help me in this way?

    Thank you
     
  6. Philip1990

    Philip1990 Fapstronaut

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    You need to grief first and learn to accept its over. Meditate to deal with obsessive thoughts , it really helps.

    Contact me for more help.
     
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  7. segaiolo91

    segaiolo91 Fapstronaut

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    Thank Philip... actually I've suffered a lot, cried and lived every sad thought.
    But I can't come over the fact that everything remind me about her, worst days are gone, but I'm so tired to live thinking at her, she don't deserve it. she has a new boyfriend very soon/immediately after the breakup (4 months ago, probably she also cheated on me) and I find me still unable to be in a relationship. This is very sad, I've pretty lost my faith on women, and I was a very romantic person.

    What kind of meditation do you use? I'm trying mindfulness, following an 8 weeks program by a book...currently focusing on body-scan.
    Thank you,have a nice day
     
  8. Philip1990

    Philip1990 Fapstronaut

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    Bro i know how you feel i am through exact the same, have been thinking about her all the time for 7months i got replaced 2weeks after. Been through this.

    Please visit headspace and take the guided tour.
    Add me on skype or facebook.

    skype : phillard1990
    facebook : philip braselmann (germany)

    I can really help you with your struggle.

    Regards
    Phil
     
    Last edited: Apr 10, 2015
  9. Eskorbuto

    Eskorbuto Fapstronaut

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    I totally agree with this. It's true that during the first week, your mind says that you need sex everytime. But once it accepts that sex is something additional to our lives, then this turns in something uneccesary, you respecte more to yourself and build a kind of filter that shows you which girl add value to your life and which one don't do it.

    Best regards!
     
  10. Andrew0268

    Andrew0268 Fapstronaut

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    @segaiolo91 ,

    breakups are tough. I've been through enough to realize that it's just something you need to go through. You will go through pain, release, anger, depression, blaming yourself, blaming her, seeing all the good stuff, seeing all the bad stuff, wash, rinse, repeat.

    I've met 3 girls who could have been THE ONE. Here is the thing that I've learned. There is no THE ONE. You do the best you can with what you have. Work on yourself, work on your life, work on your relationships and realize that other relationships other than romantic relationships matter. You WILL forget her in time. It's OK to let it go. It's ok to hold on to it for a while. You will learn through the pain as well as the process of letting go.

    She cheated on you? #$%^ her. Get rid of her. She is a low maturity person. She should have broken up with you long ago. Cheating is a shitty thing to do to a person. Find your strength, make yourself whole and strong and resilient. Make your life better and then a woman will find herself naturally attracted to you. Occupy your life with other things and move on. Don't try to figure it out.... there is no answer to the question"why". It is what it is and go ahead.

    And just know that because I'm writing these words doesn't mean that I live them perfectly. I strive for this, I get there sometimes. I also get fixated on women.

    Also, I do think that NoFap will help. But, don't expect miracles overnight. It takes some time, but it's worth it.
     
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  11. jazzphanatic

    jazzphanatic Fapstronaut

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    "Andrew0268", thanks for posting this. I realized a while ago that one of the reasons why I fapped was due to the feeling of loneliness. I was tricked into thinking that if I was able to get a "release", I would be fine. Come to find out, it often times made me feel worse! Now I'm learning how to fill the void of loneliness by doing positive things; one being focusing on becoming a better version of myself. Turns out I don't feel so lonely anymore!
     
  12. ds112358

    ds112358 Fapstronaut

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    I agree. I think that any relationship where you completely depend on the other person is doomed to fail. The hollywood stereotype of 'you complete me' is a myth. I believe that all people, both men and women, must live their own life and achieve their own goals. Once you are such a person, you will meet someone who is similar to you and the relationship will resonate. No person must really NEED another person just to feel happy. All motivation, pleasure and achievement must be intrinsic, rising out of ourselves rather than relying on someone else.

    DS.
     
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  13. DannyCool

    DannyCool Fapstronaut

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    Beautiful women are desirable. A women that cares for you and loves you just the way you are is also desirable. A women that cooks you beautiful food, looks at you kindly and encourages you with your dreams is desirable. It took me 5 years to get over my marriage breakup but now I know again that everything is within. The next time I will not become so dependent. All desire must be converted to contentment or bliss cause desire is just frustration and not real happiness. How do you not become dependent in a relationship?
     
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  14. jazzphanatic

    jazzphanatic Fapstronaut

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    Hello 'DannyCool'

    To answer your question, I think that we are supposed to be dependent on our spouses. Once two individuals have agreed to spend the rest of their lives together, the idea is that the two then becomes one. That means that you need each other to have a successful marriage. So, dependency within a marriage, in my opinion, is 100% normal and acceptable. However; I believe many couples who are NOT married nor are planning to be married, should not place such a responsibility on their significant other. Does anyone else agree?
     
  15. segaiolo91

    segaiolo91 Fapstronaut

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    Ok is Sunday afternoon, a perfect sunny day, and I'm blocked at home cause I had a surgery two days ago. I don't know precisely what to say, I'm so sad. No hope in the future, no hope in a romantic relationship. And it used to be the meaning of life for me. Now I can't trust no one. I used to think that my goal in life would have been to be happy with someone, to share the beauties this world have to offer. But this is not. I've seen her, I've checked her Facebook, she is so happy, showing how superficial a person could be, writing stupid things with no importance. What a delusion, i thought she was different, but it seems she had never suffered for the breakup...It seems love is a fight in which at the end someone have to win and the other have to lose. I don't know, I've been knowing her since we was 14, ten years....if I've failed with a girl I know so well.....I cannot think what I can do in the future....sorry for the post, I wanted to take it out because I'm so tired to cry alone..
    Sorry guys,hope you are doing well...
     
  16. Philip1990

    Philip1990 Fapstronaut

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    i understand you segaiolo i was surprised too after the breakup how superficial my ex was a good indicator is : if you dont like her friends be careful , it has a reason they are friends.

    you must get urself some self-respect , values and the most important BOUNDARIES. without them you are too dependent on the women i made the mistake myself , my ex cheated with me and even came with this retard at my door holding hands with him and looking at me. I was destroyed brother. Fucking bitch.... and my mind sometimes misses her...you know why? My mind has a better version of my ex girlfriend in mind. we are blinded man.

    Self-Improvement in any way , learning from mistakes , being a man (nofap and artofmanliness help a lot in that) will help you get other this. I am still miserable 7months after sometimes. But it got a lot better!

    If you need help contact me bro.
     
    Last edited: Apr 22, 2015
    Andrew0268 likes this.
  17. Bachelorhood can be just as awesome as being in a relationship. The US president Buchanan was a bachelor. He had a tattoo on his right arm with the words "Bachelors forever!"
     
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  18. Immor

    Immor Fapstronaut

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  19. DireWolf

    DireWolf Fapstronaut

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    i can relate, i really do, i love women and i'd love a long time relationship but at the same time i would be fine without it, pretty weird
     
  20. 20cents

    20cents Fapstronaut

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    Before I had a girlfriend, I was very lonely. Everyday I felt as if something in me was missing.

    Granted I was PMOing, which most likely contributed to this, and the vicious cycle continues when you PMO because "hey, I probably won't get laid soon anyway", rather than trying to either solve that through self-improvement, or just trying to resolve that pressing thought.
     

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