imsoappalled
Fapstronaut
Hey guys,
Thought I'd share my story with you guys. It's Sunday night and I'm finally done prepping all my stuff for work, so why not. I'll split this up into two sections: masturbation and porn.
The masturbation side of things:
How it started:
Somewhere last June/July I made the intention to quit porn. Had to do with seeing a porn video that went from a fetish to being blasphemous. That woke me up and made me realize that NOW is the time to quit. It wasn't an easy decision, but I put my faith in God and started this journey...
Almost made it to 3 months:
But then I got to know this girl, we ended up sexting, which lead to calling, which lead to breaking my almost 3 month streak. I relapsed for a month straight and then I decided to quit and restart my journey.
One year later:
Hard to believe, but by the Grace of God I've made it to one year. If you are wondering how I'm feeling and whether I've grown wings yet: nope. I feel normal, not really any different. My energy levels aren't magically up etc. Might have to do with the fact I worked from home due to Covid for almost 6 months so I was extremely sedentary.
How I stay 'strong':
I am aware that it's not worth breaking my streak. I'll feel like complete shit and I'd have to start my journey again. Besides that, I'm religious, so I'd be transgressing against God. So I have that going for me basically.
The porn side of things:
Relapse due to porn? No:
This is the real issue, isn't it? Like I said, I quit porn due to a pornsite I frequented releasing a blasphemous video. They took a fetish of mine too far, where I felt disgusting and like scum. Even when I relapsed, I didn't relapse due to porn - like I mentioned prior. It was due to sexting and calling with someone.
Cravings:
Just because I was 'fine' not masturbating, didn't mean I stopped thinking about porn. It wasn't on my mind all the time, nor a major part of the day. But I do find myself thinking about some of the videos I used to watch and how I really miss those. It has gotten to the point where I'd perhaps not even masturbate even if I were to see them - I just want to see them. Yes, that is how low I have stooped. So I haven't actually visited any real pornsite intentionally. I might have clicked on some link and then quickly clicked away realizing it was a pornsite. Shit happens. Even now I think of all the videos my (back then) favorite sites must have released and it is an overwhelming thought.
Loopholes:
I made a thread 6 months ago, updating my progress. I mentioned that I've developed a guilty pleasure watching sex scenes in movies/series. They may occur without having anticipated them, but I might just rewind and rewatch that scene. I will not masturbate, just a mental satisfaction and pleasure I get out of it. Not quite the same as porn, though.
I've downloaded a very useful app (***) and added a laundry list of terms to block. At this point I can't even google search anything related to porn. I do google pictures of actresses at times and then simply try to find shirtless pictures of them, soaking all of that in. That isn't quite the same as watching porn, but it sure is a guilty pleasure. Or I might watch videos of bikini models on the beach, getting wet etc. Basically, at this point I'm clutching at straws and watching anything besides porn. I also have caught myself looking for nudes of certain women or proper topless pictures. Again, I updated my *** list of terms to block, we're doing somewhat better.
The cure:
Not cured yet, probably won't be any time soon. I must say that from past experience I noted that relationships solve my problems. When I'm in a relationship, I'm not interested in porn or anything. Nothing would excite me but the very woman I was seeing. So that might actually be a solution. It's been a while.
Thought I'd share my story with you guys. It's Sunday night and I'm finally done prepping all my stuff for work, so why not. I'll split this up into two sections: masturbation and porn.
The masturbation side of things:
How it started:
Somewhere last June/July I made the intention to quit porn. Had to do with seeing a porn video that went from a fetish to being blasphemous. That woke me up and made me realize that NOW is the time to quit. It wasn't an easy decision, but I put my faith in God and started this journey...
Almost made it to 3 months:
But then I got to know this girl, we ended up sexting, which lead to calling, which lead to breaking my almost 3 month streak. I relapsed for a month straight and then I decided to quit and restart my journey.
One year later:
Hard to believe, but by the Grace of God I've made it to one year. If you are wondering how I'm feeling and whether I've grown wings yet: nope. I feel normal, not really any different. My energy levels aren't magically up etc. Might have to do with the fact I worked from home due to Covid for almost 6 months so I was extremely sedentary.
How I stay 'strong':
I am aware that it's not worth breaking my streak. I'll feel like complete shit and I'd have to start my journey again. Besides that, I'm religious, so I'd be transgressing against God. So I have that going for me basically.
The porn side of things:
Relapse due to porn? No:
This is the real issue, isn't it? Like I said, I quit porn due to a pornsite I frequented releasing a blasphemous video. They took a fetish of mine too far, where I felt disgusting and like scum. Even when I relapsed, I didn't relapse due to porn - like I mentioned prior. It was due to sexting and calling with someone.
Cravings:
Just because I was 'fine' not masturbating, didn't mean I stopped thinking about porn. It wasn't on my mind all the time, nor a major part of the day. But I do find myself thinking about some of the videos I used to watch and how I really miss those. It has gotten to the point where I'd perhaps not even masturbate even if I were to see them - I just want to see them. Yes, that is how low I have stooped. So I haven't actually visited any real pornsite intentionally. I might have clicked on some link and then quickly clicked away realizing it was a pornsite. Shit happens. Even now I think of all the videos my (back then) favorite sites must have released and it is an overwhelming thought.
Loopholes:
I made a thread 6 months ago, updating my progress. I mentioned that I've developed a guilty pleasure watching sex scenes in movies/series. They may occur without having anticipated them, but I might just rewind and rewatch that scene. I will not masturbate, just a mental satisfaction and pleasure I get out of it. Not quite the same as porn, though.
I've downloaded a very useful app (***) and added a laundry list of terms to block. At this point I can't even google search anything related to porn. I do google pictures of actresses at times and then simply try to find shirtless pictures of them, soaking all of that in. That isn't quite the same as watching porn, but it sure is a guilty pleasure. Or I might watch videos of bikini models on the beach, getting wet etc. Basically, at this point I'm clutching at straws and watching anything besides porn. I also have caught myself looking for nudes of certain women or proper topless pictures. Again, I updated my *** list of terms to block, we're doing somewhat better.
The cure:
Not cured yet, probably won't be any time soon. I must say that from past experience I noted that relationships solve my problems. When I'm in a relationship, I'm not interested in porn or anything. Nothing would excite me but the very woman I was seeing. So that might actually be a solution. It's been a while.
I am on a 12 day streak and I am glad to have parts of my life back. Namely, more time.