One year fap-free! And porn-free(?)

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by imsoappalled, Nov 15, 2020.

  1. imsoappalled

    imsoappalled Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys,

    Thought I'd share my story with you guys. It's Sunday night and I'm finally done prepping all my stuff for work, so why not. I'll split this up into two sections: masturbation and porn.

    The masturbation side of things:

    How it started:
    Somewhere last June/July I made the intention to quit porn. Had to do with seeing a porn video that went from a fetish to being blasphemous. That woke me up and made me realize that NOW is the time to quit. It wasn't an easy decision, but I put my faith in God and started this journey...

    Almost made it to 3 months:
    But then I got to know this girl, we ended up sexting, which lead to calling, which lead to breaking my almost 3 month streak. I relapsed for a month straight and then I decided to quit and restart my journey.

    One year later:
    Hard to believe, but by the Grace of God I've made it to one year. If you are wondering how I'm feeling and whether I've grown wings yet: nope. I feel normal, not really any different. My energy levels aren't magically up etc. Might have to do with the fact I worked from home due to Covid for almost 6 months so I was extremely sedentary.

    How I stay 'strong':
    I am aware that it's not worth breaking my streak. I'll feel like complete shit and I'd have to start my journey again. Besides that, I'm religious, so I'd be transgressing against God. So I have that going for me basically.

    The porn side of things:

    Relapse due to porn? No:
    This is the real issue, isn't it? Like I said, I quit porn due to a pornsite I frequented releasing a blasphemous video. They took a fetish of mine too far, where I felt disgusting and like scum. Even when I relapsed, I didn't relapse due to porn - like I mentioned prior. It was due to sexting and calling with someone.

    Cravings:
    Just because I was 'fine' not masturbating, didn't mean I stopped thinking about porn. It wasn't on my mind all the time, nor a major part of the day. But I do find myself thinking about some of the videos I used to watch and how I really miss those. It has gotten to the point where I'd perhaps not even masturbate even if I were to see them - I just want to see them. Yes, that is how low I have stooped. So I haven't actually visited any real pornsite intentionally. I might have clicked on some link and then quickly clicked away realizing it was a pornsite. Shit happens. Even now I think of all the videos my (back then) favorite sites must have released and it is an overwhelming thought.

    Loopholes:
    I made a thread 6 months ago, updating my progress. I mentioned that I've developed a guilty pleasure watching sex scenes in movies/series. They may occur without having anticipated them, but I might just rewind and rewatch that scene. I will not masturbate, just a mental satisfaction and pleasure I get out of it. Not quite the same as porn, though.

    I've downloaded a very useful app (********) and added a laundry list of terms to block. At this point I can't even google search anything related to porn. I do google pictures of actresses at times and then simply try to find shirtless pictures of them, soaking all of that in. That isn't quite the same as watching porn, but it sure is a guilty pleasure. Or I might watch videos of bikini models on the beach, getting wet etc. Basically, at this point I'm clutching at straws and watching anything besides porn. I also have caught myself looking for nudes of certain women or proper topless pictures. Again, I updated my ******** list of terms to block, we're doing somewhat better.

    The cure:
    Not cured yet, probably won't be any time soon. I must say that from past experience I noted that relationships solve my problems. When I'm in a relationship, I'm not interested in porn or anything. Nothing would excite me but the very woman I was seeing. So that might actually be a solution. It's been a while.
     
    milarepa999, ron_bar, Toni7 and 9 others like this.
  2. Keep making baby steps man! You got this. You don't want to go back and get hooked again, it seems like you're away so stay away! :) I am on a 12 day streak and I am glad to have parts of my life back. Namely, more time.
     
  3. imsoappalled

    imsoappalled Fapstronaut

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    The time thing is a major one. Flips sake, all those hours that used to be wasted watching porn... granted I'm not Mr Utilize My Time now either, but I'm more likely to utilize it somehow!

    Good luck on your journey bro. From 12 to 30 to 90! Easy money!
     
    MrBlue201 and Different Built like this.
  4. yes, I will succeed.
     
    imsoappalled likes this.


  5. About five days ago I saw a porn video from a web cam girls. They were four lesbians with strapons to make anal sex. There was a time when in the video, whoever was directing the show scolds and mistreats the girls who try to act in the video.

    They also threaten not to pay them if the scene goes wrong. The girls who do these shows are likely to be mistreated behind the scenes as I could tell. In the video I could see that they threatened not to pay them the money if they did the show badly. It was annoying for me to find out about this.

    I was reminded of this by what you mentioned about seeing something on a video that you disliked.
     
  6. Lol san, what you said is a "trigger warning" haha. I agree though, it is a sad way to live if you support women to do that for money. I want to separate completely! We can do it.
     
    yrjyrj likes this.

  7. Hi

    How do to use the spoiler sistem the next time ?
     
    MrBlue201 likes this.
  8. You're fine haha don't worry about it lol. I just try not to describe a sex scene.
     
    imsoappalled and Different Built like this.
  9. imsoappalled

    imsoappalled Fapstronaut

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    I was gonna say, that was flippin descriptive lol
     
    MrBlue201 and yrjyrj like this.
  10. yrjyrj

    yrjyrj Fapstronaut

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    this is the most relatable part.
    sometimes, even i 'miss' porn (usually when i am bored - an empty mind is the devils workshop).. i know it is bad but thats how powerful a drug it is, even a little thought can make us think further about it and stuff..
    and even if i consciously try not to think about porn, everything is soo hyper-sensualised nowadays, it is difficult to even browse sites like youtube without stumbling upon some clickbait thumbnail of a semi-nude woman.
     
    imsoappalled and MrBlue201 like this.
  11. imsoappalled

    imsoappalled Fapstronaut

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    United we stand and hopefully we'll never fall!

    This is why I try to busy myself with reading and researching. Keeps you busy and also makes you useful
     
    yrjyrj likes this.
  12. yrjyrj

    yrjyrj Fapstronaut

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    suree!
     
  13. imsoappalled

    imsoappalled Fapstronaut

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    It's been a rough week. I've unfortunately broken the no porn streak.

    Recently made a Telegram account for legit reasons, then I discovered the search option on there... boy that took me places. It's like you're searching for something, hoping to find nothing. Then when you do find it, click on it and it turns out to be actual porn, you're like: What was this for?

    I'm finding myself having urges again. Not an urge to masturbate, but to watch porn. I think it went all left since I joined this dating app (for serious purposes) but I ended up chatting and sexting instead. This increased the urges. I hate that I actually need Telegram, because I rather delete it. The search option is too tempting and ******** can't block within the Telegram app.

    Luckily I didn't mess up my nofap streak, but I guess ''no porn'' is out of the window. Here we go again...
     
    MrBlue201 likes this.
  14. you dont have to be so hard on yourself if it was a glance. Everyone has different graces they give themself, but in the end the big picture is all that really matters.

    A tragedy would be if you acted well in a situation, yet still felt like you failed and then relapsed (or binged). If you acted well, good! If not, well, just do better next time.

    Also, thanks for the warning about telegram. If I ever get it, it'll be good to know the temptations ahead of time.
     
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2021
    imsoappalled likes this.
  15. Anyway, sorry if I rambled. Keep going!! You're an encouragement bro.
     
    imsoappalled likes this.
  16. imsoappalled

    imsoappalled Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for your kind words bro. Stay strong!
     
  17. That's great bro, myself i am on 730+ days no P and M streak. Can relate with the scenes in movies and rewinding them... But it's occasional and i dont let it slip
     

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