One Year of no P-subs and no sexual thinking

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by Tao Jones, May 26, 2020.

  1. Today marks one year of no P-subs and no sexual thinking of any kind apart from the physical and engaged presence of my wife. I am also now well over 500 days of no PMO.

    I wanted to say something more, but after reviewing my post from last fall when I hit one year of no PMO, I realize that little has changed since then with regard to PMO. The commitments I outlined there are the path I have walked consistently in the intervening months, and I think this is the path I will stay on for the rest of my life in order to continue in sobriety. I am finally free from PMO, P-subs, and uncontrollable sexualized thinking -- I will not choose to go back.

    One small amendment I made was to change the phrase about the "physical presence of my wife" to "physical and engaged." I did this to clarify that I do not think any sexual behavior or thinking is okay if my wife is present but not actively engaged with me. For example, if she is asleep in bed next to me, fantasizing (even about her) or anything else would not be okay for me. Hopefully that clarification can be helpful to me and to anyone else who happens to read it.

    Another small change I have made is making the choice not to install accountability software on an iPad I have from my employer. I use it only for work, and I have committed not to use it for any unwholesome purpose. My APs know about this device, and I have committed to them that I will let them know if there is any change in this status. I do not want to go back to the old, terrible "hunting-and-seeking" behavior. This device is one way I am honoring that commitment and enjoying the freedom that is found in my new heart.

    One day at a time, one thought at a time, submitting every thought to my higher power, Jesus Christ, and replacing the lies I find there with his Truth. Whatever I focus my attention on is what will grow bigger and stronger within me until it overwhelms me. I choose to have my thoughts and my heart consumed by peace and goodness and love, so that is where I will maintain my focus. (Hebrews 12:1-3, Romans 12:1-2)

    Recovery is possible. Onward!
    Last edited: May 26, 2020
  2. Congratulations on your achievement, and your exceptional force of will!
    We need men like you! Please share your experiences on how you manage to control your thoughts that well.
    I would really like to achieve that kind of control of my brain and of my life.
  3. WindWolf

    WindWolf Fapstronaut

    Praise the Lord, and good job to you for pushing on, and for setting an example here too.
    Interesting what you said about the Ipad... I've had a similar experience: when I got a new device and "declared" it P free, I stuck to it, never watched P on it.
    It's a mental thing I think, but when I tried to do this with my old devices, it wouldn't work, and I ultimately broke them one day out of anger :D:D...
    Of course I was much younger back then.
    Tao Jones likes this.
  4. Read my journal. It's all in there. In short, I practice a form of Christian mindfulness called the FREEdom process. You'll find links to it all over my posts, as I recommend it to everyone. :)
    the_Raged_Barbarian likes this.
  5. Black jack

    Black jack Fapstronaut


    Happy to ffind you again tao jones you helped me earlier in 2019 but i fail many times after that you were my inspiration at that time and you still are i am on day 12 and i hope i will also reach this :)
    Tao Jones likes this.
  6. Camelon

    Camelon Fapstronaut

    Great as usual sir
    Im proud to be one of ur APs....
  7. Good point okay! I will check that out.
  8. g2stop

    g2stop Fapstronaut

    This is great! Good work!

    I have one question - how do you identify and deal with the lies you find within your thoughts?

  9. The Spirit helps us find the lies in our thinking. We replace those lies with the Truth of Christ from the Scriptures. I highly recommend the book "More Than a Sunday Faith" for practical, detailed info on the process for taking our thoughts captive and running them by the Spirit for assessment. My notes from the book are here:

    Hope that helps!
    Psalm27:1my light and Huskerjim like this.
  10. g2stop

    g2stop Fapstronaut

    That’s great, thanks! I enjoyed reading your notes!

    Tao Jones likes this.
  11. biggame5k

    biggame5k Fapstronaut

    Has no PMO helped your relationship with your wife or is it the same? If it did help how did it help specifically?

  12. runksoneck

    runksoneck Fapstronaut

    Nice!! i was reading your journal, how are you dealing with objectification now?
  13. It has improved things beyond my ability to explain. The PMO and my lies about it kept us apart, preventing our hearts from knitting together fully. Since I have confessed everything to her and stopped steeping my mind in trash, we are closer than ever. My selfishness kept us from being truly one flesh before; now we are more fully realizing this great promise of marriage -- a foretaste of what unity with Christ looks like!
  14. Mostly, I just don't do that any more. Pure eyes do not see a person as an object, a pure mind does not think of a person as an object, and a pure heart cannot! I am far from perfect, but I am decidedly on my way toward Christ! :) When I do catch myself objectifying someone, it is now my default setting to run the thoughts by the Spirit, find the lies, and replace them with the truth so I can stay focused on it instead of the lie.
  15. Chefb87

    Chefb87 Fapstronaut

    Tao! I am so proud of you!
    As you know, you have been a huge help and support in my recovery for over a year now. Thank you so much for being that shining light to so many of us !
    Kingfisher, Huskerjim and Tao Jones like this.
  16. Congratulations man!

    Do you think Jesus helped you with this accomplishment?
    Tao Jones likes this.
  17. I couldn't have done it without him! :)
  18. I suspected that. I mean excluding sexual thoughts for so long is probably impossible for us. But not for him. Personally, I could not even get rid of pmo on my own. I could not go over a month without doing some form of edging. It seems to me that only by the help of Jesus can you do such amazing things.

    And Tao, this post has made me rethink what is possible. Thank you.
    Tao Jones likes this.
  19. Jesus himself says, "Apart from me you can do nothing." I have learned, from long experience, that he is right. :)
    SwedishViking likes this.
  20. Huskerjim

    Huskerjim Fapstronaut

    Thank you for recommending More Than A Sunday Faith. So happy I can read it on Kindle Plus! First two chapters are great!
    Tao Jones likes this.

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