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Online chatroom addict - hoping for recovery

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by JoeyjojoJr, Jul 6, 2018.

  1. JoeyjojoJr

    JoeyjojoJr Fapstronaut

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    Hi all,
    I’m writing this before reading anything from the community, so not sure how common my “affliction” is - though there was almost no mention of on-line chatting in the NoFap primer literature.

    Anyway, that’s my weakness: online chat. Nasty, filthy fantasy typing - or voice chat when I can get it. That has often led to phone sex, either with paid “pros” or others who are into talking dirty.

    I...hate it. I want to stop, and I can’t. For years and years, this has been a thing I do. I’ve always had girlfriends (or a wife), so no real physical side-effects for me - just lots and lots of time wasted and the feeling that what I’m doing is very pathetic.

    At this point, PMO isn’t my problem: it’s ChatMO. And I’ll settle for not doing the chat part. If I can fap without it, it’ll be a great success!

    Any tips, tricks, suggestions? Anyone else suffer this same compulsion?
     
    Last edited: Jul 7, 2018
    Deleted Account likes this.
  2. Hi. Welcome to forum!

    Make sure you create a personal journal thread in Reboot Logs section and blog there on a regular basis. As well as just generally be active participant in various forum discussions. I recommend this to everybody new here because it's the major thing that helped me when I was first starting. Just lurking on forums, reading and learning is great. But it usually is so much more powerful to engage. It helps to keep us motivated and accountable when we are active part of community. And keeps this in front of our minds so we don't forget about importance of it and slip away in our old habits. Sharing is also therapeutic. This is a major reason why AA meetings work so good. But that was developed before internet era. These days we can get most of the same benefits online through communities like this. So don't underestimate the power of active participation.

    I would also like to suggest you to look into mindfulness meditation. It has helped me personally tremendously to learn how to deal with urges and triggers. It takes a while to get good at it and notice results, so you need to be consistent with it, but once you do it's very powerful. It has been used by sages for thousands of years to deal with various issues of the mind. And in recent decades the science is also catching up to what ancient sages have know for centuries. Meditation these days are widely used as very effective tool by psychologists for treating addiction and by neurologists for supporting recovery of the brain after physical injury. Plus it is generally a great exercise for the brain the same way as jogging is great exercise for the body.

    You gotta make sure it is proper mindfulness meditation though. "Mindfulness" meditation where we just focus on breath is more like a concentration meditation instead. It works too but differently and not as powerfully in my experience. Real mindfulness meditation however trains you to accept your urges by understanding the nature of them by observing them, not just suppress them by concentrating on something else instead. It makes you comfortable with them. And once you accept and become comfortable with them there is no need to get rid of them, so there is no need to PMO. Only reason why we PMO is because that urge, that itch in our crotch is uncomfortable, we wanna get rid of it. And then after PMO we have our release. Or we simply want pleasure. And inability to have that pleasure makes us uncomfortable. But if we accept that we can not have pleasure then resistance is gone and there is no reason to PMO.

    Acceptance and mindfulness is the key. Check out this Ted talk on acceptance and mindfulness practice, it gives a good idea of what's it's about when it comes to philosophy. The mindfulness practice as described by psychologist in a the video can be used by itself but ideally should be used as supplementation to your daily sitting meditation. Sitting meditation I personally practice and recommend to people is as explained by meditation expert in this YouTube playlist. If you don't like the monk or want other method there is this awesome smartphone app called Headspace for guided meditations.

    Wish you lot's of strength and success in your reboot journey!
     
    jblaze129 likes this.
  3. Septimus

    Septimus Fapstronaut

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    Welcome! I'm glad you're here.

    Oh yes, I understand. I was there. I loved chat and gave a lot of time to it. Probably the main thing that got me away from it was that I'm into guys, and for various reasons, what I wanted from chat with guys was really, really, hard to find, so I pretty much gave up on it. If it had been easier to get, I might still be hooked on it.

    I think the same thing is at work as with porn. We become habituated to a fake human connection, where what we need is true human connection. Learning about this, and being good to ourselves, while we rekindle true human connection, will help.

    Keep coming back!
     
  4. JoeyjojoJr

    JoeyjojoJr Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for a reply.
    I really would like to discuss this addiction with someone who understands and has experienced it themselves. It’s *absolutely* not something I have EVER talked about with ANYONE in real life, although it’s been a part of my life, practically daily, for many many years.

    I’m sure it has something to do with feeling less alone, like I’m getting off “with” another person. I’m straight, but I even enjoy chatting with guys, like a PMO comrade. Just seems like there’s some kind of human connection there instead of just lonesome, solo M’ing to porn.

    ...but the second it’s finished, I close the chat screen, shut it all down, and bemoan the fact that I spent however many hours doing it all.

    I am sure I’m probably a sex addict to some greater or lesser degree, and I’ve gotten in trouble for cheating (a whole different can of worms, but chronic infidelity isn’t really an uncontrollable problem for me). Mainly, though, as a realistic step I can take to at least reclaim hours and hours of my life per week, I want to cut all cyber out of my life.

    ...but it’s hard. I was already tempted earlier today when I found myself home alone. I managed to NOT log on to the site I’ve used for years, but it was a struggle, and the struggle was only truly won once I successfully O’d with P, and not chat.

    So...I don’t know. The struggle is real. And I’m not sure that a site like this will really help me, since this is a text-based chat kind of thing, which is the very addictive behavior I’m trying to eliminate from my life.

    O delicious irony.
     
    Last edited: Jul 7, 2018
  5. Septimus

    Septimus Fapstronaut

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    I do understand. I don't want to induce you into something harmful for you. If I can help, let me k ow.
     
  6. JoeyjojoJr

    JoeyjojoJr Fapstronaut

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    Thanks.
    I wonder: what’s been your procedure? Functionally, in the moment, when you want to indulge the habit and itch the itch- what do you do?
     
  7. Septimus

    Septimus Fapstronaut

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    Well, if you follow the link below -- "What's working" -- you may get some answers about my overall approach. As far as chat specifically, my interest has waned simply because getting what I want is nearly impossible. I am into guys, and in my experience, gay chat rooms are almost always about planning meet ups. For various reasons, I was not going to do that. Honestly, when I was younger and fitter, it was a real temptation, but now I am middle aged and pudgy, so, to be blunt, I am not a partner anyone wants either for a meet up or for chat. The last time I messed with it was a couple of years ago, and I got nowhere. In years past, I would misrepresent myself as a young guy, but that got harder and harder, and it was wrong, of course, and it bothered my conscience. So the last time, I gave my age and weight accurately. No bites.

    So I conclude that when there is virtually no hope of satisfaction, chat ceases to be a temptation for me. Even so, it surely was at one time.
     
  8. JoeyjojoJr

    JoeyjojoJr Fapstronaut

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    I’m fresh off of a relapse, or whatever the term is here.
    Ha. I made it 48 hours - the easy 48, when my wife was home. The second she left for work, I had 10 min to chat and MO, and I did.
    Is it good and appropriate to jump right on here to talk about that?
    Why didn’t I get on here first?
    Seems I have no will power.
    ...on a plus side, i only spent about 15 min online. the time waste aspect of this is one of the things that bothers and disappoints me the most.
     
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2018
  9. Septimus

    Septimus Fapstronaut

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    I see no problem talking about it, but it is a good idea not to be explicit.

    This is a matter of learning new habits for old. I suggest taking time to explore this site, and others linked here, that explain how this stuff works on our brains. Also, to learn from others.
     
  10. JoeyjojoJr

    JoeyjojoJr Fapstronaut

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    I’m not seeing the “what works” link.
    That’s what I’m looking for - something that works. I think there is value in talking/writing about issues: that’s how I process other difficult things in my life. But I also don’t really think it will benefit me to just come here and type words. I’d like access to some proven self-control methods and techniques.
     
  11. Septimus

    Septimus Fapstronaut

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    What is working for me: http://www.NoFap.com/forum/index.php?threads/aiming-for-success.41257/page-4#post-303825
     
  12. JoeyjojoJr

    JoeyjojoJr Fapstronaut

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