online dating is thoroughly demoralizing experience

I've found a good motivation to stop using porn is to move towards relationships. I was dating one woman whom I encountered randomly again and started dating her. It was going well till we slept with each other. I ended up with PIED and she is dating somebody else and doesn't want to have a single partner. It feels kinda gross emotionally. Also I am so unused to condoms and couldn't cum.

It's making me feel like i shouldn't be with her. Dunno.

I started trying to do online dating and it's gone horribly. I've had so few matches on any of the platforms. It makes me feel very unattractive. I don't think I actually am, perhaps just my photos are really bad. It makes me feel really hopeless...

As I'm writing this I remember how hopeless I felt about so many things through my recovery process and how this will probably get better too.

But jeez it's frustrating being a guy on these platforms. I have really ugly fat female friends who end up with loads of dates and I get none while working out 6 days a week.... This sucks. I'm starting to go to more events. This is a terrible experience. It's easier to be celibate mindset oriented.

 

Thanks. Good to know i'm not alone in this. It feels pretty awful while my friends, mostly female, are getting all the dates they want.

 

yeah. I spoke with a friend. We were swiping together. We realized that most of the women present as really basic/mainstream. I have a different taste. So I'm going to set my profile up in that way. It's helpful to have a friend peek over my shoulder. It's hard not to get attached to it. I'm also solving how to meet people around where I am. I read several articles and am finally dragging myself out of the house.

It's been a multi-year journey to pull myself out of depression, start getting work, get better work, get in good shape, get over social anxiety, buy nicer clothes, get a nicer place, start dating at all..., building more friendships, paying off debt. Getting a year sober from porn.

Writing it out like that puts it all in perspective. It's been a slow, but steady upward progress in putting life back together.

 

i support my friends......

 

update. starting to make it work. getting matches. Now taking more photos and on a calorie deficit to lose a bunch of fat. I put on a lot of fat from the last few years. I'm working to shred it now. I'm actually liking the feeling of calorie cutting. It's a new experience for me. It's like a funny tingling feeling all over as the metabolism searches for calories to consume.


It's also triple frustrating. I was dating a woman and starting to have feelings for her, but they don't seem to be reciprocated. It's quite frustrating. Also having that PIED thing people have been talking about. So had sex for the first time in a couple and years and FUCK FUCK FUCK it's not working. couldn't cum. not that aroused. What the fuck is wrong with me. I'm a year free of hard porn. Makes me want to step up my efforts and go no masturbation. This whole process just sucks.

I'm just pissed overall. I don't feel like I can find an attractive woman for myself. I've never really dated in a big city. I'm sure it's possible to get over this stuff, it just feels so fucking hard right now.

I used to have tons of sex with girlfriends. This is my longest dry period since graduating highschool and now my dick isn't even working. I want to punch walls. Fuck this whole recovery thing and getting out of isolation. Sometimes there can be some serious set backs. I know after writing this that it does get better, it's just incredibly annoying at the moment. I'm not happy at all

 

true. patience probably is the answer. I'd like to just have it start working out. I think i need to get used to some failure on this one. I'm starting to get better photos, which is a big game changer. same dude, different clothing. they are starting to get better ratings on photo feeler. the positive of this is it's forcing me out of my isolation into the real world. I'm heading to loads of events. almost one every night. also pushing me to move up to SF instead of down on the peninsula where I'm at.

I hired a dating coach who has been helping me through this. I've started dieting, bought new clothes. It's like a whole life reset.

It's frustrating, but true that women get a lot more matches than most guys. I am starting to see how I can game it by using different photos and trying out different apps/ sites. They all seem to have different cultures. Also just getting out and talking to women in real life.