Online relationship - broken heart

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Player 1, Aug 28, 2019.

  1. Player 1

    Player 1 Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys.

    To make it short: I had to end up an online relationship with an 'easy girl' I got very close to, with who I spoke during days and nights. But she couldn't always understand my feelings for her. I ain't sure about what she felt about me, she sounded like she cared about me a lot.

    Anyway, I couldn't stand of the lack of proximity. It killed me everyday to not be able to physicly be with her. She cared less about that part despite she talked to me so often, I'm starting to feel that I only was masturbation material to her.
    Now I feel even worse because of the nostalgia, the first days I flirted and shared so much with her...

    I tried to have a chat with her and I said it was not possible for her to not being honest with her feelings, and unhealthy to keep it like that, so I had to block her because she was starting to get aggressive, insulting, threatning. She couldn't understand my feelings but I could understand hers, because the fact that we shared the same experiences, the same personality really got me close to her, I engaged myself a lot and I regret. A part of me still thinks we could've both climb the moutain together to solve our problems, I offered my help telling her she could stop selling herself to other people but she was too much of a woman who accepted living sinfully :( She implicitly begged me to not go and accept her as she is, but I felt so sick about all that.

    My heart is still broken despite I found out she was truly not a worthy person, I engaged myself in something I regret and my suicidal thoughts are increasing now... I even make fucking dreams about me talking to her again but this is NOT what I want. I cried tears because my fucking mind considered such a desperate option, and this is not who I am. PMO addiction destroying my mind & heart even more... She is truly not worth my time. I just want to stop caring for fucking good, but she became an unworthy obsession, a part of me is regretting.

    Please help me guys, these thoughts are harassing me... Addiction just found something bigger to put pressure on me... I shouldn't have started this fucking thing ppl been warning me about all that.

    Thanks for any help or support it'd be much appreciated...
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 20, 2019
    need4realchg likes this.
  2. Good for making This post my friend.
    You are holding back a lot. It seems to me.

    Your friend is headed one direction and you another.

    What emotion is the strongest for you?

    Regret?
    Sadness?
    Fear?

    What is prompting the suicidal thread?
    “Selling herself” I assume you fell in love with a prostitute and now wish to be moral?


    Is this what you are describing ? If not I apologize.

    Many escorts are deeply lonely , used to being used. To join one or love one is exactly like loving a porn addict.
     
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  3. Player 1

    Player 1 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for your message & engaging with me!

    I have many emotions I believe... disappointment of course because of her attitude. But I mostly feel fear mixed with despair: I'm afraid to make the same mistakes again, engaging myself into something that is not worth it, to not being able to move on with my life, to relapse again... I believe rebooting is the only way to go along with going back to healthy habits but the story with this girl just put a knife in my heart.

    And my bad, I probably shouldn't have use "selling herself", bc she is not a prostitute so to speak, she is just heavily seeking other people's attention by doing irrelevant stuff... She is also a porn addict, but I really doubt she is trying hard to fight it. She told me she's also lonely in real life, I wanted to help her out because I felt the same things and understand what she been through. I believe she saw something in me, but anger was her only way to speak her mind, and she kept on blaming me.

    I had to tell her about my problems too and that it wasn't possible to continue online, but it seems like she deeply wanted to keep me as an online friend (with benefits?) I just can't have that. I felt like a deep incompletion feeling, something I started and that I'll probably leave unfinished. I get kinda mad and sick when I see girls I like I can't have for whatever reason, so I removed her from every platforms because we couldn't close up or communicate. Her attitude also makes me sick and I wish she was a better person and a tiny part of me is itching to add her back to appologize to go back the way things were, but that wouldn't be wise and alter my reboot. I also have deep overthinking problems so I never know what to think...
     
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  4. psychedelicjelly

    psychedelicjelly Fapstronaut

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    I had an online relationship once but I realised it was an easier way to maintain my porn addiction because she was never there. Didn't matter if I had pied.

    One day you'll meet someone in real life and fall in love and it will be better believe me
     
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  5. Player 1

    Player 1 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for your testimony man.

    I know what you mean, I don't know if I actually like her or if it's my porn addiction craving for her to be back... Although I felt on constant dopamin when I was talking to her. So I guess there is an inside fight between my impulses. It sucks, it feels like a mountain to climb but I have to go through it once and for all. I trust God to help me as well.
     
  6. You sound hurt man. I have lots of online relationships I wish I could break off. The emotional connections are real. I don’t know any girl who would prefer online only though that is definitely unique. I assume you have video chatted so she is really a girl?

    If she’s a PA then be mindful her struggle is her own. If you are unable to support her then you did the right thing. Love doesn’t force or coherse.
     
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  7. Player 1

    Player 1 Fapstronaut

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    Yeah I got pretty hurt. I don't know if I made the right decision removing her... I maybe rushed things between us, perhaps she wasn't ready to meet me? It's been only a few weeks relation so I don't know, I took it pretty bad when she said she didn't need a man but kept talking to me like I was her.

    And yeah we video chatted and I never had a so easy feeling with anybody. I still think I might have made a mistake rushing things between us.
     
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  8. Man as a guy who is entangled in multiple online and soon-to-be physical relationships... it’s tough man.

    What do you want ??
     
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  9. Eddywordz

    Eddywordz Fapstronaut

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    Been there, done that. Same exact situation. Don’t beat yourself up over an online girl that sent you nude pictures, you’re better than that. Keep blocking her and keep your head up. My online relationship sent me into a spiral of depression until I realized the girl was just looking for attention from any and all people she could. You fell for it like a lot of guys would, but don’t beat yourself up over it. Stay clean for awhile and find a WOMAN that doesn’t spread herself to the entire internet, trust.
     
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  10. Player 1

    Player 1 Fapstronaut

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    Eddy thanks for your message man, although I wish I read it sooner.

    I sadly gave in to my impulse, I've added her back and she accepted, I have no idea why I wanted to check on her & let her know I'm not her enemy. We only had a little chat but tbh I don't have high expectations now. I trust the flame is gone. I will make sure it doesn't go further and keep on ignoring her presence, to eventually remove her.

    After a bit of meditation I realized it's about time I moderate my use of social medias to focus on real life projects.
    I thank you guys for your advices :)
     
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  11. .....keeping it real. Ty for cowboying up on that
     
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