only ugly girls approach me in dating sites?

You won't get approached by attractive women in online dating. It rarely happens to any of us. Most of them are too busy sifting through their messages and deciding who to respond to. They don't have time to go searching for you. You have to approach them first.

 

It's okay for you to turn away "bad" looking girls, but it's not okay for the "good" looking ones to turn you away?

Your expectations are hilarious.

Nobody owes you anything.

 

I read something interesting the other day which was interesting. . . 'if you want to attract better standards of women then you have to increase your own standards.'

 

agreed,,

The princess that mary a common people or even a maid rarely hapen in the real world or i can say its only hapen on the fairy tail


If u want high class, slim body, lookin models with pitch black long hair like a princess

Then u must become a prince with the same or higher standart than her


Look at all the selebrity, is they date with someone like average looking guy, common people with common job and average paid?

 

I consider myself attractive, in shape (but not totally buff), and have decent experience with dating. RARELY do cute women make the first move online. Dating sites have a really high male:hot-female ratio, hot women get hundreds of messages a week, so they have no need (or time) to make the first move, they're too busy filtering their inbox instead.

I recommend ignoring the "how many women are PM'ing you first" statistic, and look at your response/dating rate instead, and keep track of it to gauge your progress over time. When you make profile changes (photos, opener, etc), then you'll know if those changes are helping or not.

 

You need to cut out this stuff about "ugly girls" or "bad looking girls". Sorry to sound intolerant, but as an older guy who's been round the block of life a bit, I call bullshit on this. I think this is the way guys talk who've not had many girlfriends and not had much sex. It's porn, wank culture.

There is nothing PC about what I'm saying here.

There are just girls and women. A minority of them are lesbians of course, but otherwise they mostly want sex, love and a relationship with a man. On average, you look as attractive to them as they do to you. And on average, they're the same as you in every other way that counts. They're as into sex as you are (or not), as funny as you are (or not), as interesting or boring as you are. All these things matter. Maybe the two ways they're better than you on average is that they smell better, and are less assholey to other people.

If you actually talk to one of these women and have a relationship with her you'll find out there's a lot more to life than guys' bullshit talk about who's "hot" and who's "ugly". You'll find out that a girl or a woman can be *exciting* in a way that goes beyond a Hollywood/porn idea of "looks" and beyond a porny idea of sex.

There's nothing wrong with being a single guy doing internet dating. That's fun and has a world of possibility. *All those women!* But if you are single, doing internet dating, and complaining about "ugly" women, I want you to realise that there are guys out there who (at the very moment you're swiping left) are with women like that

Spoiler

getting their second amazing blowjob of the night,

dancing sweatily with her at a great gig, downing shots with her at a party, being fed grapes by her,

Spoiler

kissing the top of her stocking,

laughing at her farts in the bath,

Spoiler

tying her up,

walking a dog with her on the beach, letting her know which of the dresses in the shop they really like her in, having a few beers together, and then

Spoiler

doing her doggy style

while Netflix is on.

If you want to leave those real women to me, fine.

 

Same thing for me...

 

Plot twist. Those are stock images. Behind the pc they are all 10/10 BEAUTIFUL gay men.

 

You’re calling bullshit that guys consider some women beautiful and some women ugly? I’m confused.

 

I'm calling bullshit on the whiny idea that the world's divided into a minority of "hot" women who won't date you, "friendzone" you, just want money, blah, blah, and a majority of "unattractive" or "ugly" women who aren't worthy of respect or consideration and can't really be desired by any man. I call it bullshit because it is bullshit.

I honestly think those kind of ideas lie behind any complaint that "I only hear from bad looking women". I think guys saying that need to both respect and desire women more. I'm not trying to say you can't fancy one woman more than another. But I am saying that in reality, most women of working age are potentially sexy and desirable to a healthy adult male.

I've done internet dating myself, and do know what it's like. I think it is and should be very exciting. The fact that some men are not interested in the women who contact them shows they have a problem being attracted to real women, which is part of the bigger problem this website is about.

 

I will give u a very honest non bs answer.

If your aim is hot women. Which is to say women high on the hierarchy of aesthetic value you need to

1. Be high on your own hierarchy of aesthetic value( very attractive, fit and well dressed) or be high on a hierarchy they consider just as important such as have a lot of money, social influence, top vegan, whatever they value.
2. You also need to visually show that is the case to make it easy. This is why on dating apps people will put pics of em in a nice hotel or with a nice car or at a rally etc. Somewhere that tells u hey I am into this seriously as well.
3. You need to not just show it but be in a domain where women can see it and appreciate. For instance lets say ur a smart guy and u want a woman that appreciates that. Do not go to a sports stadium where people are half drunk and screaming at red team vs blue team. If ur strong u go gym or other athletic events sure, if ur vegan u go to environmentalist thing and so on.

To clarify 1. means u must have actual value (not have a notion that hey im average because reality is tellin u average or at least what u consider average is not enough for ur goals), 2. means u must be able to show that value ( in pick up artistry this can be called peacocking or avataring. Attractive women wont dig for much information unless they are given a good reason to. Mr.average joe isnt a good reason.) 3. Basically means do not go to a vegan restaurant and sell meat or take out ur meat sandwich. Dont go to a obama rally wearing a trump pin. U go where the women u want will likely want to talk to u and accepted.

Spoiler Alert: That is rarely dating sites. In fact if you are making a post like this. I can tell u to a 75% certainty that you are searching in the wrong domain.

This is the honest and logical answer you have been looking for. You can deny it and date ugly women. Or you can take it to heart and go after what u consider a hot woman. But be warned hot women come with their own set of problems, if u are willing to pay that price then good luck to u sir.

 

I just think this is all bullshit. There is no overclass of "hot" women who "come with" a specific set of problems. Where are guys learning this stuff? It's obviously not from life experience, or they wouldn't be here opening threads about why they only hear from "ugly" women.

@Shinsoo is nearer the truth I think when he talks about "what u consider a hot woman". That's more like it. We all have different tastes, just as women do. Some of us like short, fleshy brunettes. Others like tall thin blondes. And that's just looks. Some of us like sassy women, some quiet and shy ones, some "bad" girls, some "good" girls ... and all the rest of it. You only know if a woman is "what u consider hot" by talking to her and getting to know her. She's unique because they all are. She isn't in some category ("ugly girls", "hot girls with the problems that come with them") that guys can bond over describing. Cars are like that, not women.

 

If you think being attractive in this society does not breed a set of complexes and pathologies in the average person ( not just female) then you are not paying attention. I mean generally women all have their problems at any rate and getting a 'trophy wife' means u get trophy wife problems. And I can say this from quite a bit of experience. In fact I can tell u from experience having a more successful woman grab you as a trophy guy also comes at a cost to u.

Also I would say you are wrong about there is no such thing as hot and ugly. Its subjective sure in that who im attracted to and who u are is different, how much it matters is also subjective depending on your values, even what we consider objectively desirable might be up for debate. But women and men categorize each other all the time. In fact when u fall in love with someone ur doing it whether ur aware of it or not. U are saying U , THIS HUMAN IS SPECIAL AND I WANT EM. NOT U OR U OR U . Ur saying everyone else is not like this one person i happen to find attractive physically or mentally etc, i value that and im staying away from the rest (in judgement) of u in order to pursue this one person.

Im not saying women arent unique or u should just generalize all of em or u should judge em on their looks. I am saying they are judged on their looks and evolution and culture does define what we accept as beautiful or not. U can use your brain and think beyond that but it does not change realize. And since we are on NoFap's forum it doesnt even change the reason people get rejected and view porn.

Women who are attractive and aware of it will act differently than say a low self esteem person who has been told they are ugly. They will approach men quite differently. Not sure why its bs except that maybe you think its a simple generalization. Humans seek things we find attractive. That is not a bad thing or to be shamed. Being shallow is to be shamed. Only seeing women as physical values on a scale of 1-10 is to be shamed but if someone wants to wake up next to a pretty woman then they are welcome to and must understand to wake up next to a pretty woman means u need to be someone that attracts pretty women. It is not rocket science.

 

See, you just shifted from talking about "hot women" to another cliche, "trophy wives". This is the problem, right here. An ever narrowing category of desirable women, none of the others being like a prize.

Good! We agree on this.

Are you trying to say guys watch porn because they're rejected by "hot" women? This is the problem again. You seem to be blaming women for problems 99-100% created by men.

 

beauty is in the eye of the beholder

 

Well on the first aspect of it. There is literally reality shows of women trying to be trophy wives. This is pretty common. Women are not stupid. Some of em are very aware of what game they are playing. Men who spend a lot of money on certain women are also playing that game and sometimes both people win so its not an issue. I am saying some women look attractive to attract guys with money. Not saying its all women, not saying all attractive women fit in a stereotype. But a woman with a high value of aesthetic worship has a high probability of also having the values that promote that. Like if ur a girl and u really love nice shoes, clothes and make up like u love it a lot ... u really have two options. Either u are a hard worker who earns a lot of money only to spend it on aesthetic value ( statistically unlikely since they are not the same testable traits associated from a psychological perspective.) or you attract a guy who willingly gives u money to shop because he loves u and he likes when u look pretty for him.

I feel like u think im generalizing and demeaning women. No, men are playing the other side of the game too. No one is wrong or lesser than. It is just how it is.

Where did I blame women? Im not at all. But lots of guys hwere on this same section of the forum say it every day. I got rejected by this pretty girl i liked so I relapsed. Thats one of the most common posts. Its not the only reason but its one of the reasons.

I got some work to finish up so prob wont respond after this. But keep in mind im giving him clear honest albeit somewhat shallow advice he can act on and gain his desired results. But it is somewhat shallow because his post is somewhat shallow. And if he is going to play a shallow game even though it is a deep arena then i am just giving him the right shoes to way so he doesnt slip in the pool and hit his head. I cannot change how he sees women in a post but maybe I can steer him to work on his self and go places the type of women he values will also value him.

 

Easy for you to say, you don’t live in America!

 

LOL so true I live in the midwest

 

That’s a real shallow way of looking at it there are women out there who have more to offer than looks and aren’t models. More importantly if you yourself aren’t in shape then why do expect women who are considered “hot” to be interested I use to have this same mentality when pmoing but now I’m slowly getting rid of it. If you want to be judged solely based off looks then continue you to use those apps. I’m 29 now I use to base myself worth on looks and often I have been told by friends of the opposite sex how I’m attractive and I should have no problem finding a woman this made me even more confused and sad.However when I gave up pmo I realized there was more to me than just my looks and having integrity and a purpose higher than myself was more fulfilling. I realize the women I find super attractive may not always be the right ones for me because I want someone who I can laugh with and be vulnerable with. Everything that glitters isn’t gold