OnlyFans and Addiction

Hopefully this will not be a long ass post. I’ll try to keep it short.

For some time I have been suffering from anxiety, I was diagnosed about 1-2 years ago after having some hard time finding motivation even for waking up, or even eating. But I cannot stop thinking about how this all links up to my porn/masturbation addiction, it is amazing how fucked up it all is nowadays with porn. I started with just a playboy magazine issue I found in Facebook on the early days, I was about 12, then I didn’t stop, every month, and then every day, at 15 there were days I would do it 3-4 even 5 times a day. I didn’t saw it as a bad thing, as I often had this impulse to do it, and it felt good afterwards. After some time I felt destroyed, I had lost one of the best times of my life, masturbating, watching fucking porn, how sad is that? One of life’s finest moments, skipped because of watching porn? It is crazy. My anxiety is mostly social anxiety, but I cannot get out of my head that the main contributing factor to my anxiety, and also shyness and loneliness and everything that has been difficult for me, is porn, it has always been. I had some gifted money. And yesterday I spent it all in OnlyFans, this is getting out of hand, I could afford loosing that money, after all I can recover it, but what about people who don’t? Porn addiction is like gambling addiction, but even worst, I cannot believe that society has reached a point so low, where human interaction is so low, not to mention with covid, but wtf is going on, people spending their money, on onlyfans, just to see some girl post nudes, what happened? What happened to the days where you went and spoke to that girl you liked, no fear, you just went all in, in a lunch break at school, and asked directly if she wanted to be your girlfriend. What happened with men exercising, and being active, being outside, talking, socializing. Of course times change, but I don’t know how many men spend all their time, watching only fans or instagram or porn looking for girls. I haven’t had a girlfriend, not even once, just because I know that if I don’t overcome this addiction, I will be fucked.
I just deleted my only fans account, hell with that shit, I’m cleaning up my Instagram now, and hopefully I’ll begin a hard but necessary process towards overcoming this addiction. I was thinking of voluntarily going to an addiction center, this addiction has cost me so many moments, time, learning, family time, me time, everything. It isn’t letting me live, I honestly do not know if going to the addiction center and get treatment.