Oogling at women - Help!

Hello everyone! I am new here and created an account to talk about this issue that I have, since it seems that this would be the best and most helpful, welcoming community there is. For now, I wish to thank everyone for taking their time to read and hopefully respond to this post.

I have actively put in an effort to stop watching porn for almost 2 years now. It has been very difficult, and I have gone on and off many times during the process. Nowadays, I have not even the slightest urge to watch anything pornographic. I may see some provocative scenes that give a little spark, but it has never gotten to the point where I have needed to relieve myself masturbating, or viewing anything porographic of the sorts. During this process, I had also stopped masturbating for 8 months

It was very easy for me to do, since I attributed porn to masturbation, and removing porn completely removed all urges to masturbate. To this day, I still have never gotten the urge to masturbate purely for pleasure. I only masturbate to overcome my problem of premature ejaculation (Another story for another time).

As one of the many positive consequences of removing porn and masturbation from my life, I started to view women more as people, and not objects. I genuinely saw this progress and was very proud of the person I had become. Eventually, I started having sex with my girlfriend. I never went back to porn addiction, and I feel as if I never will, because the intense urges I once had have never come back.

I did break up with my girlfriend at the time, and I had a 4 month dry-streak. In june, I got together with this AMAZING person. She is my best friend, and we decided to give the relationship a chance. So far it has been simply amazing. But she said that there has been something that has been bothering her since day 1 of being together. She said that I look and stare at other women. I turn my head, sometimes my whole body to look at a woman's breats, or behind for a few seconds.

When she told me this, I was appalled. I had believed that I was not that kind of person anymore, and didn't believe her at first when she told me this. But she started to cry, get angry and prove that I was indeed doing this for a very long time. And I had never even noticed that I was doing this kind of behaviour. When I saw how sad she had gotten, I started to reflect and think back. And unfortunately it was all true. I had really been looking at other women as "objects", even next to her. I was completely unaware of this, thinking that I was completely "cured", and knowing that I have developed this habit again has made me truely sad a disappointed in myself.

She has since become very cold with me, and has threatened to break up. This has nothing to do with the issue, but I just wish to say that I have spoken with her to make things right, truely apologized for my actions and made her see how deeply regretful and aware I am of the situation, and how willing I am to really become a better person not only for her, but to all women.

So the main point of this post. What can I do to help myself stop seeing women this way anymore? I thought it was because of the porn and masturbation at first, and removing them from my life truely helped me a lot! But I ended up going back to the same habit, and this time there is no porn or masturbation to "justify" this. I have read so many articules and help forums about this situation, but have yet to talk to someone about this. Please, can someone give any kind of advice to help me? I really don't want to lose this person over something so stupid as oogling. Many thanks!

 

This is all very good advice! I will certainly put this all into effect straight away! Today I went out with her and asked her if she saw me oogling (Which she is VERY attentive to and notices very easily when anyone oogles), and she responded with no. This made me very relieved knowing that I didn't just put it in my head, but I am also acting upon it. However she is still extremely hurt over the whole situation, since it could of simply been avoided if I was a decent person to begin with, and I didn't have this nasty habit of oogling in the first place. I really hope that she can eventually feel more relaxed when she is with me, and sees that I am really not this kind of person and never wished to be. Even if she does decide to break up with me, I am not doing this for her, but for me. And I wish to be this better, more mature person not only to myself but to all women who very clearly deserve more respect than this. Thank you all for your advice and replies!

 

These are great tips! I have already started applying some of these since the last time I saw her. I always looked at her when we were talking, I always tried to keep my head up high and never look below the neck line, for both men and women, and I switched off my "auto-pilot", always aware and assuring myself to never succumb to these urges. It has been quite the struggle, since it is a habit I never knew I even had, and to actively try not to oogle really made me more aware of how often and unconsciously I did it. But as you said, I have definitely put my head into it, I am trying my hardest to never lose focus, and is something that I want to achieve. So thank you very much for your advice! It means alot =)

 

That is true, and is something that I truly believe in. It's very easy to think this way of other people, but seems almost impossible when we try to apply it to ourselves. I am very self conscious about the kind of person I am. Many people say I am very nice, but I am terribly cruel to myself when I make mistakes. To me, these mistakes define me as a bad person, even though I never viewed anyone else this same way. It's something I am working on, and I hope to eventually get better and learn to forgive myself, as everyone makes mistakes, but the strongest of people are those who act upon them. But thank you so much for your kind words! They mean a lot, and it's very comforting to see someone else who thinks very similarly to me

 

I'm trying to not even look at them in the first place. I acknowledge their presence, but I have no need nor any temptations to want to look at them. I don't feel any lust for other women, or desires or anything. This was just a habit that I have had for a very long time, and am trying to get rid of for good. I am trying to look at men equally too, so I don't treat any gender any differently, and I get used to looking neck up not only to women, but to men. But thank you for your encouraging words! I will certainly be strong and I will take care of this problem soon enough!