Opening the window - 60 days success

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by vibemaker, Oct 10, 2016.

  1. vibemaker

    vibemaker Fapstronaut

    748
    10,591
    123
    My Journal
    Opening the window - 60 days success story



    Hello,


    I'm 23 and i've been a passionate fapper for.. 9 years? At the moment I'm 60 days clean of Porn and Masturbation. Sometimes it was easy, sometimes it was harder. I never thought porn and masturbation made me suffer. No, i thought every man needs it to function, when not having real sex. Oh yeah, stupid society. And i was part of it. I will not go into detail, cause i don't want to trigger anyone, but my porn use reached it's maximum when i moved to my first own flat. At some point, where i started to smoke weed again pretty much, i noticed that there's something wrong. In my daily smokey dreams i was fantasizing about a relationship with a girl. How it could be.. Warm, really feeling each other. Porn just disgusted me. And the Orgasms i got from it weren't satasfiying anymore. At this point i was trying to start to get rid of it and started little challenges on my own with 5-7 days porn and masturbation free. At this point I haven't known about NoFap really. I just read on some site, that some cultures recommend to wait at least 3-7 days before you orgasm again.

    It wasn't that hard to for me to stay away from porn. But it was hard to stay away from fapping in general. I didn't manage to stay away longer than 3-5 days.


    During this time i watched porn very rarely. Maybe 2-3 times a month. Then i got finally rid of it. I deleted all my porn on my harddrives. It was so releasing. I immediatly felt like i lost some pounds which were lasting on my head.

    Then i stumbled upon some vids, where they said that if you're struggling with social anxiety, you should just try out NoFap. It will solve all your struggles. I was so euphoric about this. I believed it.

    I need to believe it. So i started out.


    The first week was horrible. My head felt totally shitty and in this first week i was pretty much just lying around cause i had absolutly no motivation and focus to do anything. Around day 7 i felt my headaches were pretty much gone and shit i felt amazing. I was bouncing in the street with a good posture and was just happy with myself. The first 10 days i also watched some bikini pics pretty much, when i was bored and stuff, until i read that this is very contraproductive for rebooting. So i reset my counter and started again. I wanted to be honest with me.


    So with the first 10 days included i reached 24 days masturbation free. I felt really good. I felt my social anxiety had reduced, i was more confident and i made eye contact with people. There i noticed how less eye contact i was making before. No matter where. I must have looked pretty creepy sometimes. At day 23 of this streak i fapped a little bit (not to porn) and nearly orgasmed, but i stopped before. I noticed at immediatly in the next day. I didn't feel so confident and i was a bit foggy.


    Day 24 i had an interview in another city. Even if I wasn't feeling as good as the days before i was able to keep amazing eye contact. (Maybe a bit tooo much haha, i was almost staring).

    But at one point i lost my balance and started to talk bit shit, which i was mad about later all way home. And of course my mind wanted to go back. I already indentified with the thought „Ok tonight, we'll fap to this bikini pic, which hit me randomly a few days earlier and i couldn't get out of my head for 4 or 5 days“. At home i was fighting for hours. Riding clouds of negative thoughts for hours, until i finally believed i needed it and fapped. The first minutes after i felt kind of released, but then i just felt like shit. I've written this feeling on a paper in the moment: „This empty dumb feeling when it's over... & there's nothing left.“ „I thought i was weak, but afterwards i knew how strong i was already“


    Next day my anxiety was back. Not as strong as before, but definitley back. My voice wasn't as solid as before when talking. But i learned a lot from this relapse. I learned what causes me the most to relapse. When I'm not feeling like a man, when i'm feeling lost, lonley. It's not because I'm so horny about a pic or whatever. Most of the time i choosed to get horny, to get rid of another feeling.

    I was never able to accept negative feelings. They always grabbed me. I was afraid to show that I'm not perfect. So i got into my own fantasy world with Porn and Weed.


    During the next ride a lot of things showed up. I bought a little book where i wrote all thoughts in, i thought they were important for beating this addiction.

    I discovered that i was always looking for props and attention from other man, because my father never liked me the way i am. He often reduced my self-worth. It was narcisstic abuse. Blamed me for not having a girlfriend, told me i'm gay, compared me with other kids, always complaing about things i did not achieve. And things i liked and were good in, he didn't gave any attention to.

    I was afraid of showing any feeling. Was always trying to please other people. Afraid of their rejection. Always looking for signs of rejection.

    I worked this up with a therapist and it was so releasing. Now i can accept that I will never get his validation and I don't need it.


    There's no worth in taking the role of a victim. It just blocks you from unfolding yourself. So don't push away your feelings. Accept them, watch them and let them transform. Forget your past. There's no energy in it.


    I discovered why i was never good with girls. I was always needy and depending on others people opinion about me. I can recommend to read Mark Manson's Models Attract Women with Honesty. It's not one of this bullshit pick up books. It's about being yourself.


    The hardest days during this 60 days, were for me from about day 30-35. And again Day 58, because of one girl in a TV show, which triggerd me hard.


    The best ways for me to overcome urges are meditation, cold showers, push-ups, any sports, listening to some piece of music which gives you fire and maybe reading a good book.

    Also seeing random hornyness as a sign, to seek a real partner and not to masturbate. And well finding a partner, is way easier if you got the fire.


    Here some of the main benefits i have now:


    -No Brain Fog

    -Confidence (Shyness and Social Anxiety fade more and more)

    -Feeling Light

    -Good ability to make intuitive desicions

    -Motivation (most of the time)

    -First Person feeling, no more paralyzed voyeur

    -easier to make some new habits (reading, fitness, good eating)

    -darker facial hair

    -able to control/watch feelings

    -deeper voice, no crack ups

    -attention from girls

    -More creativity

    -feeling connection with other people again

    -Drive to leave comfort zone and socialize

    -nearly no more blushing

    -you just put out a better vibe (haha)

    -no anticipation anxiety (fuck yeah)

    -learn about other addictions (I haven't smoked any weed since about 3 months, Don't get me wrong, I'm still weed friendly, but for me It's just not good at the moment and maybe never will be again)


    I think there are no securitys for staying away from PMO. I've tried to write them all down in my little book, and it really helped me in the beginning, but in the end you just have to be awake enough to realize it doesn't give you anything. Let the energy flow upwards instead of downwards and benefit from it.



    At about day 30 i made some notes about something i called the „bubble effect“. The „bubble effect“ hits me for example on days were i tend to lay around or surf without a real „aim“ on the internet, bored, not showered, not eaten good. It hits when i'm kind of foreclosed of other people, outside, what they call „real-life“. In this moments i think there's not really any energy or it's not really flowting. And when you're in this bubble you think that you don't need any energy, so you're about to Press the PMO-Button. And afterwards you're shocked cause the bubble is gone and everything strikes back in.



    So yeah, i'm defentitly not „healed“ at this point of nearly 10 years of porn and masturbation, but this is a great point to start. My next goal is 90 days. (I read somewhere it takes 30 days to create a habit and 90 to develop a lifestyle) When i reached the 90 days, i want to reach christmas clean. I like this time of the year and i think it can be awesome this year.



    One great line from another thread: „"When you feel like giving up but you keep going, this is when you are separating yourself from your old self."



    So let's enjoy the moment. Thanks for reading. Wish you good luck! :D
     
  2. YvesQuits

    YvesQuits Fapstronaut

    21
    20
    3
    I've read the whole story man.
    We seem to have a lot in common, for instance: the weed style, kinda being a perfectionist and "the bubble effect".
    The videogame called League of Legends has had very bad influence on my mental health, that goes with my porn addiction I guess.
    It's very hard to get out of a certain habit and I'm feeling like I'm in that bubble now.
    I'm just at day 1.5 atm, but I will sure grow to day 90 and follow you there.
    Thank you.


    My English does kind of suck, so I hope I'm being clear.
     
    vibemaker likes this.
  3. I can strongly relate to your story.
    That is 100% accurate.
    That is the thing I can't deal with.. I'm aware of the problem but I can't help it..

    Very honest and insightful story you've posted.
    It inspires me a lot, thank you.
    All the best!
     
    vibemaker likes this.
  4. A Batman

    A Batman Fapstronaut

    489
    430
    63
    I loved it. I am absolutely inspired.
     
    vibemaker likes this.
  5. vibemaker

    vibemaker Fapstronaut

    748
    10,591
    123
    My Journal
    Thanks man. I will.
    Thank you. I've been an online gamer for years too. But at some point i quit it cold turkey. I knew i will regret it, if i don't. And so i began to master some other things i always delayed. It's really hard at the beginning and i still watch a lot Video on Demand and stuff sometimes.

    No your english is pretty good ;) See you there.
    Thank you. I happy that i could inspire you.

    What really helped me with this problem was meditation and books like 'Power of Now' by Eckhardt Tolle. It just gives you kind of another view on everything.

    Thank you. I will keep it up.

    Thanks man. This is great.

    Once again. Thank you all for your kind words. I really aprecciate it and it gives me power to go on. :):D
     
    Real_OGH and Awakeatlast like this.
  6. congrats my good man
     
    vibemaker likes this.
  7. Luka

    Luka Fapstronaut

    97
    43
    18
    Thank you for the great post man! I'm also 23 now and can relate to many of the things you said. The girls, the needyness, social anxiety etc. I also have been on PMO for about 9-10 years but with a bit more porn. I think I still didn't experience flatline.. did you and when if its not a secret? hehe :)
     
    vibemaker likes this.
  8. @vibemaker thanks for your post. I can relate. I've been in that bubble effect, this whole weekend actually.
     
    vibemaker likes this.
  9. ichabodcr

    ichabodcr Fapstronaut

    Well done brother! Inspirational story, thanks for sharing. Now keep up the good work!
     
    vibemaker likes this.
  10. vibemaker

    vibemaker Fapstronaut

    748
    10,591
    123
    My Journal
    Thank you guys! :)

    I don't know really.. But i think i experiecend some kind of flat around day 45 to day 50. And some days around the 30 day mark maybe. This were times were i was really "bubblin" sometimes and it wasn't so easy to keep focused for longer times and get stuff done in generally.
     
  11. Luka

    Luka Fapstronaut

    97
    43
    18
    Yeah that sounds similar to what I have been experiencing. Hmm I always though the flatline will be Horrible as most people said but I guess that depends on how long we were addicted. Did you start feeling better after those days than before them?
     
  12. vibemaker

    vibemaker Fapstronaut

    748
    10,591
    123
    My Journal
    Yeah definitley, i would say after each "downtime" i reached some new plateau. When the "bad" feelings were very strong, the high feeling after not giving in was just awesome most of the time. For example today i took this old harddrive of mine, where lots of P subs were on. It was in a garage for about 1 month and i knew i'm going to delete it as soon as i get it "back". I was afraid of this moment, because i knew this will be hard, cause i've been collecting these pics since 16 or something. Getting rid of this "soft" stuff was way harder for me than the "real" porn. And yeah, as the moment came, it was feeling like a snake or something was bubbling in my stomach "oh just give it one more look before you delete".. Its always this one more.. But i shredded it straight. I was feeling very low at first after it. Like really loosing something worthfull. But now I'm shining.
     
    peacefulwarrior likes this.
  13. Luka

    Luka Fapstronaut

    97
    43
    18
    That sounds motivating! I have no idea when I'm gonna hit the flatline, but I did have some up's and down's for sure. It might be soon I guess. I congratulate you for doing that, I'm sure it was hard but you did the RIGHT THING! And you are right, it's always that one more time, and that's when the shit hits the fan! But you endured and I'm very glad to hear it. And btw nice profile picture :D
     
    vibemaker likes this.
  14. vibemaker

    vibemaker Fapstronaut

    748
    10,591
    123
    My Journal
    Haha thanks man! Once I read Hank Moody actor David Duchovny was addicted to internet porn too.. Who knows.. maybe he quit fapping too and this is why he plays his role so good :D

    Keep going man!
     
  15. Luka

    Luka Fapstronaut

    97
    43
    18
    In californication he probably already quit so our goal - rank Hank Moody! You too :D
     
    vibemaker likes this.
  16. vibemaker

    vibemaker Fapstronaut

    748
    10,591
    123
    My Journal
    Another 30 days have passed.
    At this time it's 90 days since my last relapse.

    In this 30 days nothing really BIG has changed. But i really feel now what BIG void PMO has left in my life. Most of the time I'm pretty fine with it. But there still things i do to fill this void, which take less to zero effort, but don't fulfill me or block me from unfolding my potential. Things like endless sessions of TV shows. I also feel numbed after them sometimes, not like porn, but kind of.

    I'm still stuck in my past sometimes, which doesn't bring me anything. To get out of this loop, i need to get out IN LIFE more.

    More meditation, more being present.

    This 3 months of Highs and Lows showed me that the life i want to life is definitley possible, but NoFap on it's own is not enough. It's a good basement. A very good basement, but not enough. It teached me to accept bad feelings, fall down & stand up. I want Life with all its insecurities. That's what makes us alive. Every day a new adventure. And without PMO this is possibly. To get out of the hole.

    Let's show some encourage to fight, fail, whatever is happening!

    Fuck comfort, fuck securities.

    Also i don't want to come back to this forum in the next times. I mean i know everything i need to know, and it's really depressing to come back here every day, cause it always kind of shows you what you're 'lacking'.

    "The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun."

    Have a good time!
     
  17. Thrivelife

    Thrivelife Fapstronaut

    144
    50
    28
    One of the better posts I've read, thanks for your words man!
     
    vibemaker likes this.
  18. Strength And Light

    Strength And Light Fapstronaut

    2,291
    8,893
    143
    Awesome post. We're very much on the same page. Today is Day 81 for me. It's a bit of a down day with some very minor, faint urges. 75% of my days recently I've really had no urges at all. It's awesome to read of your successes. Keep kicking ass!
     
    vibemaker likes this.
  19. Wolf_2016

    Wolf_2016 Fapstronaut

    12
    12
    3
    As a newbie it's great to read your journey VM, thanks for sharing. I'm on a 90 day reboot...3 days in.
     
    Strength And Light and vibemaker like this.
  20. Casey54

    Casey54 Fapstronaut

    360
    190
    43
    Hey vibemaker, thanks for sharing your story. I'm a little older, 30 and I've had social anxiety as well. I'm hopping I can have some of the same social Benifits as you have experienced in your journey. Good luck continueing on the path -Casey
     
    vibemaker likes this.

Share This Page