asfixiated
Fapstronaut
Mindset is a really important part of self-improvement, be it NoFap, developing a workout routine or anything else. In this post I'm going to share my thoughts on positive mindset, realism and negativity.
What are Optimism, Realism and Pessimism?
For the purpose this post, optimism will refer to perceiving something positively, realism to perceiving it objectively and pessimism to perceiving it negatively. I don't mean to sound patronizing with these definitions - I just want to make sure we're on the same page.
Here's an example of using these three view points for analyzing an exercise routine:
What's the right approach?
Now, just from reading the above, you're likely to jump to the conclusion that "well obviously realism is the best! It tells us how things really are!". And you're not wrong there. But I will argue that it is actually a combination of optimism and realism that is the most important.
Realism is excellent for creating a plan, and for understanding your situation. It is critical for goal setting, knowing your limitations, and approaching your goals rationally and efficiently. However, realism by itself lacks an emotional "oomph". Strong emotions are a very powerful force that can lead to both progress and relapse.
Therefore the right approach is, in my mind:
This is where I would like to make the distinction between Practical Optimism and Naive Optimism.
You know how I said that you should be a realist when setting your goals and an optimist when you start executing them? This is Practical Optimism. You've thought through your goals logically, and decided they are possible. Your optimism is totally justified.
If you fail your goal here, it sucks, sure. But you didn't fail because you were a "dumb" optimist - you failed because you miscalculated either your goals or your capabilities. Your optimism was totally fine, because you were acting on your best guess. If it's your best guess as to what will work, then it's only practical to believe it will undoubtedly work until you are proven otherwise, because this belief will motivate you to keep going.
Best case scenario? You succeed, using the confidence and energy provided by your 100% optimism as fuel. Worst case? You fail and feel a bit silly - but you don't even need to feel silly, because your optimism was justified! As long as you reevaluate your plan, you can feel 100% optimistic next attempt too, and you'll be totally justified in doing so.
Naive or "Stupid" Optimism is when you omit the realistic goal setting part - this can lead to some trouble as you will fail a lot more and this can be discouraging. This is often the type of optimism that turns people away from optimism. However even Naive Optimism has a better success rate than "realistic pessimism".
We all know that one "idiot" who thinks he's the best at everything - Kanye West is a great example here. Clearly he's not the best at all things... but a lot of times he's really successful because he just acts optimistically and doesn't get discouraged by failure.
He's wrong to be as optimistic as he is, you say? Doesn't matter - only his perseverance and the success and failure of his actions have an impact on the outside world.
He's kind of a dick, you say? Well yeah, he is - but you don't have to be. You can be infallibly confident without interrupting Taylor Swift's Emmy speech. But you have to be invited to the Emmy awards first to have the opportunity to make that decision, and you won't do that by moping about how nothing in your life can ever be changed. Optimism didn't make him a dick - it made him successful. Success made him
The point is - either kind of optimism, even the stupid kind, has a better success rate than pessimism. The stupid kind has the potential to be discouraging because it sets you up for failure more often because you're being unrealistic, but as long as you don't get discouraged by the failure it will still work better than pessimism.
TL;DR - Even being Naively Optimistic is better than being "just a realistic pessimist" - it has a higher success rate on average. The best stance, however, is Practical Optimism - setting realistic goals and believing without doubt that you will complete them. In all cases, it is important to not be discouraged by failure and to not think of yourself as being 'stupid' for failing at something you were optimistic about.
What are Optimism, Realism and Pessimism?
For the purpose this post, optimism will refer to perceiving something positively, realism to perceiving it objectively and pessimism to perceiving it negatively. I don't mean to sound patronizing with these definitions - I just want to make sure we're on the same page.
Here's an example of using these three view points for analyzing an exercise routine:
- Optimism - I'm starting an exercise routine! It's going to be great! I'm going to be fully on board, and everything will turn out well! Woo!
- Realism - I'm going to make an earnest attempt at starting an exercise routine. I have attempted this many times before, and have not been successful. If I want to succeed at maintaining this routine, there will be times when I will struggle and fight myself, but I can succeed if I persevere and keep trying because many others have.
- Pessimism - I want to exercise, but I just can't! I'm so tired all the time. It's so difficult, and I'm so bad with discipline. I've tried so many times before and it has never worked, so why would it work this time?
What's the right approach?
Now, just from reading the above, you're likely to jump to the conclusion that "well obviously realism is the best! It tells us how things really are!". And you're not wrong there. But I will argue that it is actually a combination of optimism and realism that is the most important.
Realism is excellent for creating a plan, and for understanding your situation. It is critical for goal setting, knowing your limitations, and approaching your goals rationally and efficiently. However, realism by itself lacks an emotional "oomph". Strong emotions are a very powerful force that can lead to both progress and relapse.
Therefore the right approach is, in my mind:
- Assess the situation you are in realistically NOT pessimistically.
- Set realistic goals based on your realistic evaluation of the situation.
- Once your goals are set, and your plan is made, approach it optimistically, as if success were guaranteed.
This is where I would like to make the distinction between Practical Optimism and Naive Optimism.
You know how I said that you should be a realist when setting your goals and an optimist when you start executing them? This is Practical Optimism. You've thought through your goals logically, and decided they are possible. Your optimism is totally justified.
If you fail your goal here, it sucks, sure. But you didn't fail because you were a "dumb" optimist - you failed because you miscalculated either your goals or your capabilities. Your optimism was totally fine, because you were acting on your best guess. If it's your best guess as to what will work, then it's only practical to believe it will undoubtedly work until you are proven otherwise, because this belief will motivate you to keep going.
Best case scenario? You succeed, using the confidence and energy provided by your 100% optimism as fuel. Worst case? You fail and feel a bit silly - but you don't even need to feel silly, because your optimism was justified! As long as you reevaluate your plan, you can feel 100% optimistic next attempt too, and you'll be totally justified in doing so.
Naive or "Stupid" Optimism is when you omit the realistic goal setting part - this can lead to some trouble as you will fail a lot more and this can be discouraging. This is often the type of optimism that turns people away from optimism. However even Naive Optimism has a better success rate than "realistic pessimism".
We all know that one "idiot" who thinks he's the best at everything - Kanye West is a great example here. Clearly he's not the best at all things... but a lot of times he's really successful because he just acts optimistically and doesn't get discouraged by failure.
He's wrong to be as optimistic as he is, you say? Doesn't matter - only his perseverance and the success and failure of his actions have an impact on the outside world.
He's kind of a dick, you say? Well yeah, he is - but you don't have to be. You can be infallibly confident without interrupting Taylor Swift's Emmy speech. But you have to be invited to the Emmy awards first to have the opportunity to make that decision, and you won't do that by moping about how nothing in your life can ever be changed. Optimism didn't make him a dick - it made him successful. Success made him
The point is - either kind of optimism, even the stupid kind, has a better success rate than pessimism. The stupid kind has the potential to be discouraging because it sets you up for failure more often because you're being unrealistic, but as long as you don't get discouraged by the failure it will still work better than pessimism.
TL;DR - Even being Naively Optimistic is better than being "just a realistic pessimist" - it has a higher success rate on average. The best stance, however, is Practical Optimism - setting realistic goals and believing without doubt that you will complete them. In all cases, it is important to not be discouraged by failure and to not think of yourself as being 'stupid' for failing at something you were optimistic about.
