I guess im feeling slightly better today, but for the wrong reasons. Things boiled over and i just put the lid back on. Deep down i still feel that overwhelming lonelyness, selfdubt and alot of self blame. We keep talking about things, me and my partner. Even tho i told him today that i dont really want to, i genuenly feel like hes not in the right mindspace for it. I dont see that heartfelt need to change or some true insight to what he have done. I just see an addict yet again feeling sorry for himself for being busted and wants to avoid that happening again. And in my PAs case that means finding a better loophole not accually trying to recover. One thing he did say that i guess wont hurt is regarding my lonlyness is asking here if anyone would want to talk, more then just replying to my journal. Seems stupid but just a PM would mean alot right now, and im tearing up as I write it cuse it seems so pathetic. I got alot more i would like to write but i think i have to save that for tomorrow. I need some me time and watch Netflix so im somewhat rested for a full day with my little one.