Over 100 days PM free! Lessons learned

Deleted Account · Dec 5, 2019

Gandalf the White said: ↑

Hey everyone,

In a couple of hours I'll have cleared my first 30 days. Given that I am sitting on a train and have no strong urges at the moment I think I can safely say I will get there

Feels great that it's been 30 days PMO free. There have been times I thought I'd never get here.

Going to write what I've done, what I think has helped me, and if anybody has any questions or comments I would be happy to discuss.

A little background
I was/am long gone in the Porn addiction. I've seen pretty much everything. And I have porn fetishes that I wouldn't have dreamed of when I started. And I have Porn Induced Erectyle Disfunction ("PIED") making any relationship impossible at the moment.
I won't go into more detail than that. But important to start off by being clear that I was/am far gone. Far gone.

Below will be detailed what I have done that I think is the key to the fact that I finally made it to 30 days. I wrote a nearly identical post in my journal when I completed 28 days (4 full weeks) but thought I'd post it here too. A little altered.

Truly embrace that this is in your control
It sounds like a cliché and it's easy to say the words but once you truly accept that whether you PMO or not a single other time for the rest of your life is entirely in your power that gives you a degree of control. You feel responsible for yourself. It's nobody else's responsibility or fault that I've gotten to where I've gotten. It's my own. And I can fix myself.
This is not to say the porn industry has no responsibility for their product. They do. Just like fast food companies have responsibilities in their advertising. But just like you choose what you eat and what you weigh, you also choose if you consume PMO. That mindset was important for me to finally get to.

Take it one day at a time
I've had other accounts on here before. And I've set goals in terms of streaks. This time I just decided "get that counter to show '1 Days'. No matter what".
Get past the day. The urges. The thoughts of "just a little it's fine". Get past it. Get those first 24 hours. The second day I thought "get that counter to show "2 Days".
And so on. It has worked well so far. I've never thought that I've made it 2/100 days or that I'm a certain % of the way there. I've just... lived. One day at a time. A little better than I used to live. The counter should be a nice side aspect to your improved lifestyle. It shouldn't be the center of your goals.
After all, your plan isn't to get to 30/90/100 days and then go back to PMO. So why set that arbitrary goal in the future. I feel like a lot of people get in their own way by starting their journal with "I'm going to do 100 days monk mode".

Embrace that you most likely need to change some of your other habits
All the success stories and journals I've read on here that show people doing well are those that seem to have understood that they need to make underlying changes to their life. If you are a person that sleeps too little, spends loads of time in front of screens, don't exercise, don't socialize, eat poorly and PMO a lot, you are unlikely to fix yourself just by waking up one morning and deciding "no more PMO but the rest stays the way it is".
I've yet to find a single journal where this has been the case where a person has managed to become PMO free while continuing other really bad habits.
Unhealthy living begets more unhealthy living.
Addiction begets continued addiciton.
The last 30 days I've been to the gym 5-6 days a week + done some running and worked out intensely. Now I have a history of working out a lot so it's not like I've gone from 0-100%.
I've also gone out of my way to socialize a lot. Even on days when I didn't really feel like it. I've also eaten healthy good unprocessed food most days the last 30 days. Keep yourself busy. Keep yourself healthy.
I would recommend everybody to exercise. Walk, run, hike, bike, play a sport, go to the gym. Anything. Get out of your apartment/house. Get fresh air. Release endorphines without PMO.
I would recommend everybody to sleep. I have a lot to work on here, I still sleep far too little but I am sleeping a bit more than I used to. And I notice on the nights that I get a good nights sleep that abstaining from PMO is a lot easier. Everything functions better. Work. Gym. Focus. Mood. Willpower.

Be active on the forums
I've never been as active on the forums as I have been the last 30 days. Daily reminders that I'm not alone. That I can help others by encouraging them. That they can help me. We can learn from each other. We can just be there for each other. Be motivated by each other. Join som challenges, write in your journal, follow some other journals, read some success stories. Glance at what others to do get by the day and see what you can apply to yourself.
In return you will get people who follow you and help you. I have some key people who have been central in helping me in continuous feedback in my journal. It helps. A lot.

Use some dating apps
This one some people may not agree with. Some people will say "focus on yourself first". But I have found that it helped me to get on tinder and write a bit with girls I matched with. Had a date today, my first during these 30 days. It was great.
It has been important to actively remind myself of what I am missing if I continue with PMO. It's easy to get a few days into a PMO free life and you start telling yourself "hey you have no real thing going on anyway so might as well PMO". This way you remind yourself of real women (or men). Real emotions. Real life. In a very simple and effective way.

Changes - physical and psychological
Early in my journey still. But I have gone from PIED to getting morning wood and even getting wood when I flirt a bit with girls on tinder or fantasize briefly. I don't think my PIED is cured yet, it's different to get wood than to maintain and have sex. But it's a clear improvement.

I do feel a bit more confident already for the simple reason that for the first time in many years I feel that I have a degree of control. When we take charge of ourselves we quickly stop feeling worthless and weak. The last month I have not been somebody who sits in my room in the dark tugging at myself while watching porn.
I have been somebody that works out, socializes more and decides what I do with my time. To an extent at least I have a lot of work to do before I'm happy with how I spend my free time, still too addicted to electronics in general but it's again a clear improvement.

What I have learned and will work on going forward
The biggest thing I've learned about myself when stopping with PMO the last 30 days is how much of an addictive personality I have in general and not just regarding PMO.
I have tried to sleep a lot more (aiming for averaging at least 8 hours every night instead of 6 like I usually do). But I get stuck in front of screens and I have a hard time going to bed on time. Should be easy to just say "no screens, I'm going to read and do other things".
But i fail. Time and time again. My main focus has been to not PMO but I'm increasingly realizing that to become the person I want to be i.e. focused at work, somebody who can play instruments, somebody who is more active during social events instead of zoning out. I need to sleep more. I need to change my habits.
And will focus on doing that going forward.
But I will NEVER change them if I go back to PMO. It makes me lethargic and makes me hate myself.

Finishing notes. I am not cured of PMO addiction. I probably never will be entirely. There are many on these forums with much longer streaks. I am just starting out. But I am eager to continue on this journey. I'm not where I want to be. But I am getting there one day at a time.
Click to expand...

Screen time creates more dopamine which could overlap the PMO dopamine which could be the reason for PIED. I would suggest cutting screen time or cutting another dopamine factor in your life & see how you react, maybe if you can’t cut screen time Do it without the blue light

Deleted Account · Dec 5, 2019

James-London said: ↑

thanks for your post. I particularly like the "take 1 day at a time" point. I am still doing this soft mode where I allow myself "edging" P+M but with no orgasm. The "O" has a terrible effect on me: depression, brain fog, low motivation, so it is still something of a win to avoid the "O".

However, your post inspired me to aim for better. I will add in the no porn element too, starting tomorrow. It is important for me to measure my progress, so I will make a note on my wall planner of each day I manage to avoid the P and O.

Hopefully, the lack of P and O will reduce the M, but I'm not sure? Perhaps a further step would be to limit the M to, for example, 2 hours per day?
Click to expand...

Edging will only desensitize your penis

Gandalf the White · Dec 5, 2019

James-London said: ↑

thanks for your post. I particularly like the "take 1 day at a time" point. I am still doing this soft mode where I allow myself "edging" P+M but with no orgasm. The "O" has a terrible effect on me: depression, brain fog, low motivation, so it is still something of a win to avoid the "O".

However, your post inspired me to aim for better. I will add in the no porn element too, starting tomorrow. It is important for me to measure my progress, so I will make a note on my wall planner of each day I manage to avoid the P and O.

Hopefully, the lack of P and O will reduce the M, but I'm not sure? Perhaps a further step would be to limit the M to, for example, 2 hours per day?
Click to expand...

Hey, thanks for your reply.

Hard to say, we all start at different places and to an extent require different approaches.

But to put it bluntly: rewiring your brain takes times EVEN when you abstain fully.
Edging still makes your brain get used to high stimulation for an extended period.
Given that I am far from cured after 37 days of 100% no PMO, you will probably draw out your recovery to insanely long periods of time if you spend 2 hours a day edging.

I'm no expert though so I can't say for sure.
My recommendation would be try to be PMO free 1 day at a time and try to get rid of the habit altogether.

Gandalf the White · Dec 5, 2019

Bradmax said: ↑

Screen time creates more dopamine which could overlap the PMO dopamine which could be the reason for PIED. I would suggest cutting screen time or cutting another dopamine factor in your life & see how you react, maybe if you can’t cut screen time Do it without the blue light
Click to expand...

agreed it's the same type of habit. n
not at all as strong as edging and reaching orgasm but still similar.
I can definitely cut back on it. And i need to

Deleted Account · Dec 5, 2019

Gandalf the White said: ↑

agreed it's the same type of habit. n
not at all as strong as edging and reaching orgasm but still similar.
I can definitely cut back on it. And i need to
Click to expand...

You can do it bro! Get a Nokia & you’ll be set haha

Julius Caesar · Dec 7, 2019

Great post! Keep going!

NF SINCE BIRTH · Dec 7, 2019

Make a rule to keep electronics out of your bed. When you go to bed, go right to sleep. After a while you will start assosiating the bed with just sleep. Then it gets a lot easier.

James-London · Dec 7, 2019

hi guys - I just had this idea.... Would wearing a condom throughout the day be helpful? I know that sounds ridiculous but I put one on earlier and the mastrubation is immediately less enjoyable. Maybe I should just walk around all day long wearing this thing?

Gandalf the White · Dec 8, 2019

Julius Caesar said: ↑

Great post! Keep going!
Click to expand...

Thanks for reading and the encouragement, wish you the best on your journey

Gandalf the White · Dec 8, 2019

Cmv120 said: ↑

Congratulations. I found it funny that you were on a train when you posted this. One thing that I’ve noticed with successful people (on here and in general) is that they don’t stay stagnant.

I appreciate your humble attitude. Screens keep me up at night, too. I’ve been trying to do “no screens past midnight” and waking up at nine... But here it is 4 in the morning and I just said screw it and turned my alarms off.
Click to expand...

Hah ye then we seem to be similar.
I’m very much an all or nothing kind of guy so if i start with the screens I, just like you, end up sitting til late and turn off/delay my alarms.

Gandalf the White · Dec 8, 2019

NF SINCE BIRTH said: ↑

Make a rule to keep electronics out of your bed. When you go to bed, go right to sleep. After a while you will start assosiating the bed with just sleep. Then it gets a lot easier.
Click to expand...

Yep this is what I’ve started trying, no electronics in the bedroom. Works well when applied

Gandalf the White · Dec 8, 2019

James-London said: ↑

hi guys - I just had this idea.... Would wearing a condom throughout the day be helpful? I know that sounds ridiculous but I put one on earlier and the mastrubation is immediately less enjoyable. Maybe I should just walk around all day long wearing this thing?
Click to expand...

No idea if this is a good idea, i suppose of it helps you get past the first few days, but i’m not sure regarding hygiene etc. If it works for too long.
But do what works at least the first few days i guess

NF SINCE BIRTH · Dec 8, 2019

I dont think wearing a condom is going to help. If anything, it is probably just going to make you focus more on what is going on down there. Just practice keeping your hands off. If you dont touch, then nothing is going to happen.

Killer 2003 · Dec 8, 2019

Gandalf the White said: ↑

Hey everyone,

In a couple of hours I'll have cleared my first 30 days. Given that I am sitting on a train and have no strong urges at the moment I think I can safely say I will get there

Feels great that it's been 30 days PMO free. There have been times I thought I'd never get here.

Going to write what I've done, what I think has helped me, and if anybody has any questions or comments I would be happy to discuss.

A little background
I was/am long gone in the Porn addiction. I've seen pretty much everything. And I have porn fetishes that I wouldn't have dreamed of when I started. And I have Porn Induced Erectyle Disfunction ("PIED") making any relationship impossible at the moment.
I won't go into more detail than that. But important to start off by being clear that I was/am far gone. Far gone.

Below will be detailed what I have done that I think is the key to the fact that I finally made it to 30 days. I wrote a nearly identical post in my journal when I completed 28 days (4 full weeks) but thought I'd post it here too. A little altered.

Truly embrace that this is in your control
It sounds like a cliché and it's easy to say the words but once you truly accept that whether you PMO or not a single other time for the rest of your life is entirely in your power that gives you a degree of control. You feel responsible for yourself. It's nobody else's responsibility or fault that I've gotten to where I've gotten. It's my own. And I can fix myself.
This is not to say the porn industry has no responsibility for their product. They do. Just like fast food companies have responsibilities in their advertising. But just like you choose what you eat and what you weigh, you also choose if you consume PMO. That mindset was important for me to finally get to.

Take it one day at a time
I've had other accounts on here before. And I've set goals in terms of streaks. This time I just decided "get that counter to show '1 Days'. No matter what".
Get past the day. The urges. The thoughts of "just a little it's fine". Get past it. Get those first 24 hours. The second day I thought "get that counter to show "2 Days".
And so on. It has worked well so far. I've never thought that I've made it 2/100 days or that I'm a certain % of the way there. I've just... lived. One day at a time. A little better than I used to live. The counter should be a nice side aspect to your improved lifestyle. It shouldn't be the center of your goals.
After all, your plan isn't to get to 30/90/100 days and then go back to PMO. So why set that arbitrary goal in the future. I feel like a lot of people get in their own way by starting their journal with "I'm going to do 100 days monk mode".

Embrace that you most likely need to change some of your other habits
All the success stories and journals I've read on here that show people doing well are those that seem to have understood that they need to make underlying changes to their life. If you are a person that sleeps too little, spends loads of time in front of screens, don't exercise, don't socialize, eat poorly and PMO a lot, you are unlikely to fix yourself just by waking up one morning and deciding "no more PMO but the rest stays the way it is".
I've yet to find a single journal where this has been the case where a person has managed to become PMO free while continuing other really bad habits.
Unhealthy living begets more unhealthy living.
Addiction begets continued addiciton.
The last 30 days I've been to the gym 5-6 days a week + done some running and worked out intensely. Now I have a history of working out a lot so it's not like I've gone from 0-100%.
I've also gone out of my way to socialize a lot. Even on days when I didn't really feel like it. I've also eaten healthy good unprocessed food most days the last 30 days. Keep yourself busy. Keep yourself healthy.
I would recommend everybody to exercise. Walk, run, hike, bike, play a sport, go to the gym. Anything. Get out of your apartment/house. Get fresh air. Release endorphines without PMO.
I would recommend everybody to sleep. I have a lot to work on here, I still sleep far too little but I am sleeping a bit more than I used to. And I notice on the nights that I get a good nights sleep that abstaining from PMO is a lot easier. Everything functions better. Work. Gym. Focus. Mood. Willpower.

Be active on the forums
I've never been as active on the forums as I have been the last 30 days. Daily reminders that I'm not alone. That I can help others by encouraging them. That they can help me. We can learn from each other. We can just be there for each other. Be motivated by each other. Join som challenges, write in your journal, follow some other journals, read some success stories. Glance at what others to do get by the day and see what you can apply to yourself.
In return you will get people who follow you and help you. I have some key people who have been central in helping me in continuous feedback in my journal. It helps. A lot.

Use some dating apps
This one some people may not agree with. Some people will say "focus on yourself first". But I have found that it helped me to get on tinder and write a bit with girls I matched with. Had a date today, my first during these 30 days. It was great.
It has been important to actively remind myself of what I am missing if I continue with PMO. It's easy to get a few days into a PMO free life and you start telling yourself "hey you have no real thing going on anyway so might as well PMO". This way you remind yourself of real women (or men). Real emotions. Real life. In a very simple and effective way.

Changes - physical and psychological
Early in my journey still. But I have gone from PIED to getting morning wood and even getting wood when I flirt a bit with girls on tinder or fantasize briefly. I don't think my PIED is cured yet, it's different to get wood than to maintain and have sex. But it's a clear improvement.

I do feel a bit more confident already for the simple reason that for the first time in many years I feel that I have a degree of control. When we take charge of ourselves we quickly stop feeling worthless and weak. The last month I have not been somebody who sits in my room in the dark tugging at myself while watching porn.
I have been somebody that works out, socializes more and decides what I do with my time. To an extent at least I have a lot of work to do before I'm happy with how I spend my free time, still too addicted to electronics in general but it's again a clear improvement.

What I have learned and will work on going forward
The biggest thing I've learned about myself when stopping with PMO the last 30 days is how much of an addictive personality I have in general and not just regarding PMO.
I have tried to sleep a lot more (aiming for averaging at least 8 hours every night instead of 6 like I usually do). But I get stuck in front of screens and I have a hard time going to bed on time. Should be easy to just say "no screens, I'm going to read and do other things".
But i fail. Time and time again. My main focus has been to not PMO but I'm increasingly realizing that to become the person I want to be i.e. focused at work, somebody who can play instruments, somebody who is more active during social events instead of zoning out. I need to sleep more. I need to change my habits.
And will focus on doing that going forward.
But I will NEVER change them if I go back to PMO. It makes me lethargic and makes me hate myself.

Finishing notes. I am not cured of PMO addiction. I probably never will be entirely. There are many on these forums with much longer streaks. I am just starting out. But I am eager to continue on this journey. I'm not where I want to be. But I am getting there one day at a time.
Click to expand...

Got some good ideas reading this .....thanks a lot bro

Gandalf the White · Dec 8, 2019

Killer 2003 said: ↑

Got some good ideas reading this .....thanks a lot bro
Click to expand...

Glad to hear it! Wish you a successful journey

Paf-On · Dec 9, 2019

So inspiring Bro
My short milestone is 30 Days too, but it's not the point.
Once we became an addict, it will stay deep inside our brain for decades.
I try to active at this forum, it's so helpfull knowing that you're not alone in this journey.
Enjoy the ride, it will ups and down for sure.

Gandalf the White · Dec 10, 2019

Thanks for the reply, glad to hear it inspired you.

A 30 day milestone as a start sounds good, just make sure you are not too focused on the end so that it becomes more difficult to focus on the present day-by-day approach. At least that's my tip based on what seems to work best for me.

Congrats on 4 days down, keep up the great work

Paf-On · Dec 10, 2019

Gandalf the White said: ↑

Thanks for the reply, glad to hear it inspired you.

A 30 day milestone as a start sounds good, just make sure you are not too focused on the end so that it becomes more difficult to focus on the present day-by-day approach. At least that's my tip based on what seems to work best for me.

Congrats on 4 days down, keep up the great work
Click to expand...

Yup.... Thanks for the tip.
You're right. Because it only takes one second for the urge monster to whispering our brain when we're weak.
Stay strong...
Stay focus...

Siple · Dec 10, 2019

Holy shit.
This is seriously inspiring, tbh I just created this account for this reply.
This is my first day here and 2nd on PMO (after some time), the thing is I don't have the urge while I'm distracted (school, hobbies...) Dunno, but the thing that you know you controlled yourself kind of gives you willpower. This day I just started learning something I had been putting off for a long time. Anyways...just wanted to say that this was truly inspiring and I can certainly say that it has saved a few of us.

Don Corleone · Dec 11, 2019

Great read. Thanks so much for sharing with us! This part is amazing:

All the success stories and journals I've read on here that show people doing well are those that seem to have understood that they need to make underlying changes to their life. If you are a person that sleeps too little, spends loads of time in front of screens, don't exercise, don't socialize, eat poorly and PMO a lot, you are unlikely to fix yourself just by waking up one morning and deciding "no more PMO but the rest stays the way it is".
I've yet to find a single journal where this has been the case where a person has managed to become PMO free while continuing other really bad habits.
Click to expand...

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