I'm still not over it completely. 200 days passed away and I was able to survive the urges, and to be faithfull to this commitment. Sometimes this gave me power and much more motivation to serve others. On other days I felt like I'm not loved by anyone and - because I don't fap - not even by me. The thing is that the secret of really accepting ourselves is not solved by this. Not being in a prison does'nt mean that you can deal with freedom. Anyway, this 200 days was a good step in a good direction. I'm still not happy at the moment, but it does'nt matter so much. The direction is good to be well, and that's important. Achieving this goal - success - can add something to my ego, but it is uneffective in convincing myself that I'm acceptable. I'm still running away from my inner shame. Thanks to everyone who encouraged me on the way. Thanks for this community, for this site. And many thanks to God, for saving me in the dark moments.