randomname3
Fapstronaut
Hello my friends,
I had gone over 500 days in the past, when I had a different living situation, with two very godly housemates who were also older and wiser than I. Part way through there, I also went through a discipleship school, which helped a lot with externally motivating me to stay far away from PMO, as well as allowing few opportunities.
1. A new ground zero
Then in summer of 2022, we had to break up the guys' house and, by my grand parents' invitation I went and lived with them for a month, while I looking for work and an apartment. It really helped me abstain from PMO, knowing they were right on the other side of the wall, and motivated me to find a job, since I felt more embarrassed to be endlessly looking for work with them than with my parents.
Sadly, after getting blessed with the new job I have now, I did not find a new apartment in time, and ended up moving back in with my parents for what I promised myself would be a short stay. The first several nights I stayed there, I slept down on the living room couch, which still made me feel sufficiently exposed to avoid doing a PMO. Still, I was too comfortable in that house, and when mom said I might as well go sleep upstairs, where my old room was, I listened to her. And it must have been that very night I PMOd, breaking my 500 day streak.
2. The long fall
Having moved into the same old comfortable space, I continued to fall to PMO for months on end, even a up to a day or two after Christmas. Then, after a time of some purity, mom and dad decided to fly over to Florida for about a month, leaving me to house-sit. This was a terrible idea, as I quickly started to watch actual pornographic movies on the living room TV, which I had never done in my life. This I still repeatedly pretended didn't count somehow, because I hadn't touched myself to achieve orgasm, but only watched.
Then after a clean period, that summer I house-sat for someone else--feeling obligated because they helped me get my current job. There I gradually descended from pouring over the fashion magazines that showed up in their mail to watching porn alone at their house. It's really pretty sick anyone would do that. That though was the last actually pornographic thing I have watched, now coming up on a year an a half ago.
3. An improved living situation
I moved in with two other guys who are also godly, but I was the oldest this time. The lack of feeling they had some kind of moral authority over me is what allowed me to kid myself about it being okay to lust over images whether on screen or in my head. That went on until early this year, though much more spaced apart.
4. A new awakening
I ended up lusting over AI-generated images to reach orgasm back in about February, and decided that was a bridge too far. I deleted any and all AI art accounts, and swore off the stuff forever. I also began tracking using a spreadsheet, not only full resets but tracking each time I looked to lust after anything. That change has so far dropped my rate of even looking at a woman to lust after her to the lowest levels ever. Probably about a month apart, and I certainly haven't PMO'd the entire time. I recommend this method, once you've gotten the the point you can reach a month clean.
5. A greater awakening
Finally, most recently, though I had been doing great, I asked God one day as I finished reading the Bible, "How can I kill porn more in from my mind?" And He seemed to direct me to get accountability software. I realized at that point how strange it was I had resisted getting such stuff earlier. I really didn't have any good excuse not to. The one I got tracks your screen, whatever you're doing, and uses AI to scan for suspicious content. It then will alert your allies. This is not an ad for any particular software, to be clear, but I recommend you look for one that meets your needs wherever you are in your journey, and just commit already. I then got my room mate, and an elder at my church to be my accountability partners. Simply knowing they're able to see screenshots from my screen, as well as get automatic alerts, that really makes it easier for me and I really ought to have done it sooner.
6. Summary
In short, by God's grace, I've made the biggest strides this year even compared to my previous 500+, because now so much more of my recovery is internal, not merely a result of external circumstances. Also, about a day after I signed up for accountability software, a girl I had my eye on for months at church asked for my number, so, there's that.
I had gone over 500 days in the past, when I had a different living situation, with two very godly housemates who were also older and wiser than I. Part way through there, I also went through a discipleship school, which helped a lot with externally motivating me to stay far away from PMO, as well as allowing few opportunities.
1. A new ground zero
Then in summer of 2022, we had to break up the guys' house and, by my grand parents' invitation I went and lived with them for a month, while I looking for work and an apartment. It really helped me abstain from PMO, knowing they were right on the other side of the wall, and motivated me to find a job, since I felt more embarrassed to be endlessly looking for work with them than with my parents.
Sadly, after getting blessed with the new job I have now, I did not find a new apartment in time, and ended up moving back in with my parents for what I promised myself would be a short stay. The first several nights I stayed there, I slept down on the living room couch, which still made me feel sufficiently exposed to avoid doing a PMO. Still, I was too comfortable in that house, and when mom said I might as well go sleep upstairs, where my old room was, I listened to her. And it must have been that very night I PMOd, breaking my 500 day streak.
2. The long fall
Having moved into the same old comfortable space, I continued to fall to PMO for months on end, even a up to a day or two after Christmas. Then, after a time of some purity, mom and dad decided to fly over to Florida for about a month, leaving me to house-sit. This was a terrible idea, as I quickly started to watch actual pornographic movies on the living room TV, which I had never done in my life. This I still repeatedly pretended didn't count somehow, because I hadn't touched myself to achieve orgasm, but only watched.
Then after a clean period, that summer I house-sat for someone else--feeling obligated because they helped me get my current job. There I gradually descended from pouring over the fashion magazines that showed up in their mail to watching porn alone at their house. It's really pretty sick anyone would do that. That though was the last actually pornographic thing I have watched, now coming up on a year an a half ago.
3. An improved living situation
I moved in with two other guys who are also godly, but I was the oldest this time. The lack of feeling they had some kind of moral authority over me is what allowed me to kid myself about it being okay to lust over images whether on screen or in my head. That went on until early this year, though much more spaced apart.
4. A new awakening
I ended up lusting over AI-generated images to reach orgasm back in about February, and decided that was a bridge too far. I deleted any and all AI art accounts, and swore off the stuff forever. I also began tracking using a spreadsheet, not only full resets but tracking each time I looked to lust after anything. That change has so far dropped my rate of even looking at a woman to lust after her to the lowest levels ever. Probably about a month apart, and I certainly haven't PMO'd the entire time. I recommend this method, once you've gotten the the point you can reach a month clean.
5. A greater awakening
Finally, most recently, though I had been doing great, I asked God one day as I finished reading the Bible, "How can I kill porn more in from my mind?" And He seemed to direct me to get accountability software. I realized at that point how strange it was I had resisted getting such stuff earlier. I really didn't have any good excuse not to. The one I got tracks your screen, whatever you're doing, and uses AI to scan for suspicious content. It then will alert your allies. This is not an ad for any particular software, to be clear, but I recommend you look for one that meets your needs wherever you are in your journey, and just commit already. I then got my room mate, and an elder at my church to be my accountability partners. Simply knowing they're able to see screenshots from my screen, as well as get automatic alerts, that really makes it easier for me and I really ought to have done it sooner.
6. Summary
In short, by God's grace, I've made the biggest strides this year even compared to my previous 500+, because now so much more of my recovery is internal, not merely a result of external circumstances. Also, about a day after I signed up for accountability software, a girl I had my eye on for months at church asked for my number, so, there's that.
