Over three years have passed since I started and my most recent relapse was two nights ago

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by berylliumwages, Apr 25, 2022.

  1. berylliumwages

    berylliumwages Fapstronaut

    15
    19
    3
    I started on 4/2/2019. My longest streak was 8/26/2021 - 11/13/2021. 79 days. Second place streak was about 60 days on my initial run that began spring 2019. I don't feel like NF has improved me. I feel worse, and my addiction feels worse. Despite at least two relatively modestly impressive streaks, the material has escalated and I have to wonder if it would have without NF. If you had told me on April 2nd, 2019 that I would still be relapsing over three years later, I doubt I would even have begun. I apologize for the down post, but this is how I feel.
     
  2. Nofap is just the practise of abstaining from porn and fapping. This means we have more time in our hands.
    Also it means that for some people who use porn as a cover to not deal with their emotional trauma, have to deal directly with whatever it is they are running from.
    This is not a pleasant ride and it takes alot of will/pain/sweat/tears to ride through.
    In those long streaks did you keep busy and were you exercising. Did you eat healthy for the most part? Did you drink plenty of water? Did you sleep well? Do you smoke, drink and take drugs? Etc.

    It sounds like there is more to the story than you are projecting. Either you continue to fap and watch porn or you stop it now. Those are the choices we have. Sooner or later if we choose to leave porn and deal with our problems face on, and try ways to make our reboot more fruitful then we will experience better days in the long run.
     
    berylliumwages likes this.
  3. Ren-in-Black

    Ren-in-Black Fapstronaut

    29
    18
    3
    Better to be honest and "down" and asking tough questions instead of sticking your head in the sand, IMO. Something led you here 3 years ago though, so it was probably still worthwhile. And the escalating material is not a moral issue, it's a brain chemistry issue. The brain will use whatever it can to get the dopamine and opiates.

    Best of luck to you as you figure out what to do from here.
     
  4. Rene75

    Rene75 Fapstronaut

    169
    162
    43
    There is a theory that even when you quit your addiction, the escalation continues. When you where start using again, your will continue on the level as if you had not quit. It takes a short time after relapse to reach that escalated level and continue from there. I have seen that by myself and its also described by alcohol addiction.
     
  5. berylliumwages

    berylliumwages Fapstronaut

    15
    19
    3
    Yes to eating healthy, water, sleeping well. Tentative yes to exercising. Compound lifts with light weight a few times a week at most. I've tried heavier and more frequent before and don't place the premium on it a lot of guys in this thing do. No to smoking and drugs. Yes to alcohol, but modest amounts. I'd be willing to try being a teetotaler if you strongly recommend it.
    I am not sure how much is relevant to NoFap, but my background/story is a little more fleshed out here: https://www.reddit.com/r/PhD/comments/djrwrb/cornered/
    I can at least report back I've had no relapses or desires to relapse since posting this thread. Something feels different about this streak. I can't exactly say I feel "better", but it feels easier, like I'm coasting on NF autopilot now. Maybe just venting my spleen in the original post helped. Thanks to all for reading and thanks especially for responding.
     
  6. berylliumwages

    berylliumwages Fapstronaut

    15
    19
    3
    Almost a month clean now. There has been no struggle or difficulty because I have felt no urges whatsoever. My mood is low, but at the same time I feel content, like I've accepted my lot in life. Is this a type of flatline? I don't recall ever feeling this before, even on streaks over twice as long.
     
    lunaisgood4444 and again like this.
  7. berylliumwages

    berylliumwages Fapstronaut

    15
    19
    3
    Reached a new personal record of 80 days on Tuesday, July 12th. This means every day will be a new record. But I rarely even think about it anymore.
     
  8. ChrisJord

    ChrisJord Fapstronaut

    This is true from what I've seen also. An alcoholic who goes back out takes a few days max to get to where it took them years to get to before. Same would be true for porn addiction I would think anyway. Porn has to be looked at like drugs or booze, the only safe level is none.
     
    berylliumwages likes this.

Share This Page