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Overcoming Anxiety and Worrying: The Worry-Appointment Technique

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by BushidoWarrior, Sep 26, 2015.

  1. BushidoWarrior

    BushidoWarrior Fapstronaut

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    The Worry Appointment Technique
    NoFap edition
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    Do you worry? Do you find yourself besotted with anxiety and nervousness throughout the day? Is it interfering substantially with your life? Do you find yourself wishing that you didn't freak out so much?

    This thread is for you.

    What does worrying less have to do with NoFap? A lot. Stress, anxiety and worry are strong triggers for PMO. So if we can figure out how to get a handle on our worries, we will maximize our chances of succeeding - at NoFap, and at life.

    How do you conquer your worries? Not by thought suppression. Your worries are, in fact, made worse by thought suppression. You can't instruct your brain to not think about a pink elephant without doing just that. But 1000x more intensely.

    So, instead, we are going to use the Worry Appointment Technique, an alternative strategy for dealing with worry that actually works, backed up by rigorous research. That is the purpose of this thread.


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    1. Every day (or whenever you feel the need to), post on this thread a list of worries presently bothering you. You can list it as a few, vaguish dot points. Or you can write paragraphs. It's up to you. I, myself prefer to keep it short and summary, but to each their own.
    2. Pre-commit to a time today in which you promise that you will allow yourself to worry. It could be for half an hour in the afteroon. It could even be just before bedtime. There is no right answer here. All that matters is that you pick a block of time today in which you are going to allow yourself to worry about all the stuff bothering you. Don't forget to include this information in your post.
    3. Make a public promise that will defer all your worrying, fretting, freaking out, etc. until your Worry Appointment is due. Publicly committing to it increases the effectiveness of this technique tenfold. It enables you to relax much easier. Trust me, you will be grateful you did it.
    4. Publicly state (in your post) what you plan to do if an urge to worry arises before the Worry Appointment. For example, "If an urge to worry, freak out or ruminate arises; Then, I will remind myself that my Worry Appointment is not for another couple hours, etc..." This is called setting your Implementation Intention, and it is another very effective technique backed by research.
    5. Carpe diem! Seize the day! Life is too short to sit and worry about things that might happen. Go out and live!
    And feel free to reply to other peoples' posts and encourage them! Being kind and supportive benefits both the person giving the support and the person receiving it! If you find 2-3 other people saying to you "Yes. You have permission to defer your worries. May you be calm, peaceful and relaxed throughout your day," then that is going to help that person feel a whole lot better about deferring their worries!

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    ---------------------------------------------------

    ~ Sample Template [Copy and Paste Me!] ~
    What Am I Worrying About Right Now?
    • {...}
    When Will My Worry Appointment Be Today (Where I Can Worry About This?)
    • {...}
    What Will I Do If I Get An Urge to Worry Between Now and Then?
    • If an urge to worry arises,
    • Then {...}

    P.S. Once you have had your worry appointment, it is highly recommended that you delete the accompanying post, as it can trigger episodes of unnecessary worry otherwise. Try to only keep the most recent worry appointment post up on this thread. Cheers!
     
    Last edited: Nov 17, 2015
  2. Julyguy

    Julyguy Fapstronaut

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    Well...

    I'm worried That if I stop worrying, I'll stop being me. That I'll turn into a cringy douche.
     
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  3. Calm

    Calm Fapstronaut

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    Hahaha what?
     
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  4. Calm

    Calm Fapstronaut

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    Crap no time for an appointment, gotta get it off my chest now will schedule an appt. tomorrow!

    I am worried that...well....actually all my fears are pretty fake to be honest, they all stem from my ego and attachments and desires, ah wait, no I do worry, just not so much fear I was getting off track there, although I do fear skipping a daily meditation session, so I am worried that I will be lazy and fall back to old habits gots 2 stay vehemently vigilant now, ah ok I am worried I will not repay my parents kindness fully, yet I have faith and will vow to repay it before I die!

    Filiality is my biggest worry at the moment, for as the Chinese say,

    (Once), when Zhong Ni was unoccupied, and his disciple Zeng was sitting by in attendance on him, the Master said, "The ancient kings had a perfect virtue and all-embracing rule of conduct, through which they were in accord with all under heaven. By the practice of it the people were brought to live in peace and harmony, and there was no ill-will between superiors and inferiors. Do you know what it was?"

    Zeng rose from his mat and said, "How should I, Shen, who am so devoid of intelligence, be able to know this?"

    The Master said, "(It was filial piety.) Now filial piety is the root of (all) virtue, and (the stem) out of which grows (all moral) teaching. Sit down again, and I will explain the subject to you. Our bodies—to every hair and bit of skin—are received by us from our parents, and we must not presume to injure or wound them. This is the beginning of filial piety. When we have established our character by the practice of the (filial) course this is the end of filial piety. It commences with the service of parents; it is completed by the establishment of character.

    "It is said in the Major Odes of the Kingdom:

    Ever think of your ancestor,
    Cultivating your virtue."

    Ok got that off my chest phew, will schedule an actual worry appointment tomorrow and be a bit more down to earth about it!
     
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  5. Calm

    Calm Fapstronaut

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    You know what man I realized something. I'm not afraid of shit. I don't worry about shit.

    Actually I am afraid of dishonor. Death before dishonor, and I don't fear death friend.

    F.E.A.R. - Face Everything And Rise

    I love the idea of this thread though and the article from Psychology Today, legit stuff man.

    All the best my friend! One day we can all crush our worry and fear together!

     
    BushidoWarrior likes this.
  6. I appreciate your rolling out threads like these.
     
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  7. Calm

    Calm Fapstronaut

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    'Procrastination makes easy things hard, hard things harder.' :)
     
  8. Calm

    Calm Fapstronaut

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    Mind if I share a video? Lol I love the School of Life's videos on youtube, so if you don't mind and it is mostly for entertainment but often there is genuine insight in the videos :),

     
  9. tony123

    tony123 Fapstronaut

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    What Am I Worrying About Right Now?
    That im never getting rid of porn. That things in my life is going from bad to worse...
    When Will My Worry Appointment Be Today (Where I Can Worry About This
    20PM tonight.
    What Will I Do If I Get An Urge to Worry Between Now and Then?
    Then i will say that i have to do some stuff that doesn't remind my of the problems i got.
     
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  10. PotentLife

    PotentLife Fapstronaut

    Dude, the energy and creativity you put into your posts, as well as their specificity that is unique to this site inspires me. This is an excellent idea. It reminds me of the renowned animal trainer Karen Pryor's technique of "putting the unwanted behavior on cue and then not calling the cue." I'll bet it also has a similar effect in how the nicotine patch has worked for people trying to quit smoking. In other words, merely changing the context of a destructive habit has a way of loosening its roots in your life. If you can change one part of the pattern, it opens the door to bigger, more comprehensive change. This brings new meaning to that tired minor authority figure who moans, "Yes, but if I let you do it, everybody's going to want to do it." Exactly. One good change brings more good change. For once we can see that weary saying turned on its head with inspiration.

    Another factor of this that is awesome is that it is a delaying tactic on unproductive activity. The Addict is a master procrastinator on things that matter and tends to use delaying tactics like, "I'll quit tomorrow. I'm just going to have one more PMO/pack of cigarettes/bottle of scotch, etc today." Well, here you beat him at his own game! Just delaying masturbation 5 minutes has helped me to go the whole day without doing it.

    Another thing I'm reading into it is that if you have a problem that is unintentional (and let's face it, what problem of ours is intentional?) and making it intentional (by intending to do your worrying at 5 pm, for example), you link it to intention. Now you have reins on your runaway horse. Once it is connected to intention, you can intend for it to be otherwise and this is the time it actually works! Of course, it's vital to know what that "otherwise" is, and have it well positioned and planned so as immediately to make the switch.

    Thanks again, man! All the best on your renewed streak adventure!
     
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  11. BushidoWarrior

    BushidoWarrior Fapstronaut

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    That's awfully kind of you to say @PotentLife! I'm very touched.
     
  12. fennofir

    fennofir Guest

    If you don't mind me giving some advice, how I manage my GAD is by rating my anxiety level every time a worry arises. I am not thinking about the worry, I am only observing the feeling and allowing it to be. I do this regularly throughout my day and it works quite well for me. When I am mindful of my worry, the feeling decreases. It might take a while for the worries to start decreasing in intensity or frequency, at least it did for me. Again, I'm not saying this will work for everyone, I'm just trying to help.
     
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  13. BushidoWarrior

    BushidoWarrior Fapstronaut

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    Thanks! Any help is much appreciated, and any input / contributions are valued. This technique could potentially be combined with the Worry Appointment technique for even better results!
     
  14. BushidoWarrior

    BushidoWarrior Fapstronaut

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    Hi @rabbitz. I recommend you delete this post as soon as you've had your worry appointment. As it can otherwise trigger worrying upon seeing it again. :)
     
  15. HopeFaith

    HopeFaith Fapstronaut

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    There is nothing I am not worried about:confused:

    My worry appointment is at 21.00 daily.

    I will pray
     
  16. rabbitz

    rabbitz Guest

    Deleted my post, remove the quote :)

    My worry appointment was really fun lol, I didn't worry about anything I thought I would and instead I started thinking about this mental challenge I am doing where I don't go on youtube or any of the sites I usually waste time on, I started thinking of so many awesome videos and about the weird cartoon dream I had two days ago.

    I realized that I don't have an anxiety disorder, I just put myself in that position where I worry too much for no real valid reason, I got up and went to study and I thought about the fact if I am sitting alone in my bed thinking i'll get married one day its not going to happen if I keep laying In my bed, I gota get myself out there.

    I didn't worry too much and gosh I am so excited to go to work + its my bday today :D turning 25!, this was great and i'll use this method more often if when I have anxiety/stress again, it really helped me a lot! thanks bro!!! great post!!
     
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  17. HopeFaith

    HopeFaith Fapstronaut

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    I am lying in bed too! Great reminder for me to get out. Thank you.
     
    rabbitz likes this.
  18. rabbitz

    rabbitz Guest

    Tried another worry appointment today, it helped me out a lot because I didn't worry about anything.
    Instead I imagined making some great progress in my work and somehow managing to have a family - like the future me had all those things, now the present me has to actually work to make them a reality.

    Really love this
     
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  19. owler

    owler Fapstronaut

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    Well, i for one could give this a go.i am a frequent worrier. Minor and major problems freak me out on a semi daily basis. A pro of all of that is that i manage my life better so i don't have a reason to worry. But nonetheless i worry. Especially at work. I take the lead in my dept, so I'm always trying to keep a handle on the situation, and it can get hectic, as my dept services all the other ones at my plant.

    Thanks for sharing!
     
  20. BushidoWarrior

    BushidoWarrior Fapstronaut

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    What Am I Worrying About Right Now?
    • My mum cancelled Christmas due to her major depression.
    • I still haven't bought any Christmas presents yet.
    • Still haven't been looking for work even though I should be.
    • I haven't been very productive at all over the past few weeks.
    • I feel like something terrible is impending, over the horizon...
    When Will My Worry Appointment Be Today (Where I Can Worry About This?)
    • 6PM-6:45PM.
    What Will I Do If I Get An Urge to Worry Between Now and Then?
    • If an urge to worry arises,
    • Then I will gently remind myself that I'm worrying at 6PM, and bring my mind back to what I was doing.
    “Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.”
    Corrie ten Boom, Clippings from My Notebook
     

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