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Overcoming anxiety - Going to cafe. Approval and acceptance-seeking behavior

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by (: Amazing!, Nov 22, 2022.

  1. (: Amazing!

    (: Amazing! Fapstronaut

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    A – Activating event – I feel lonely in my room, without people surrounding me, and then I go to a café where there are employees. I feel lonely, and I seek their acceptance and approval. When I would go to a café, I wouldn’t focus on myself and my work but rather focus on other people’s opinions. Instead of focusing on my surroundings, I would focus inward and feel uncomfortable. I went among people to spend time with them, but I couldn’t be rude and talk with them because employees were working there and didn’t choose to spend time with me.

    B – Belief – I feel isolated even though I am among people. And it encases my unworthy feeling and a feeling of rejection. Automatic subconscious thought is that people reject and ignore me and that others abandon me, and I will die alone.

    C – Consequences – Feeling anxiety and unworthiness, rejection even though I am among people.

    D – Disputing – Even though people are there, I feel alone because they are not my friends. It isn’t about quantity but the quality of connections. I can be surrounded by 100 enemies or have one friend next to me. I choose one friend. I can be surrounded by 20 strangers in a café or be alone as my best friend at home. I choose to be alone because I am my best friend. And I feel much better while alone at home than surrounded by strangers from whom I seek approval. While alone at home, I already have my approval.
     
  2. Joseph Campbell

    Joseph Campbell Fapstronaut

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    Yo, I've totally been there, going to a cafe to get work done and for the most part your focus centers on your inner-life and on how you're being perceived by others... Boy is it a waste of time aye?! So hard to fight though, when all those wily insecurities are running around inside... It is nice to be surrounded by people and not necessarily be involved though... Perks of being a wallflower right? That's why I'm heading to a cafe later today to study chemistry... I usually don't, but I've got off from work and I just feel like changing it up today.

    I'm going to keep this very relatable post in mind, and I'm going to try to remember that everyone else out there doing their thing in the world is pretty busy with their own internal dialogue and probably aren't judging me or focused on me for anything in the least, but also that if I feel insecure, to remember that if I feel like I'm enough while alone at home, then why would it be any different out and about? If I know I'm kosher deep down, like unconditionally, then the conditions of my time and place and people in it are irrelevant... It's all good!

    Good luck to ya, it can be tough no doubt, but you got this... Oh, and thanks for sharing. Onward!
     
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  3. (: Amazing!

    (: Amazing! Fapstronaut

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