Overcoming Depression with Renewed Faith

[cosmicsea32]

For context, I am Christian. I was in a conversation about faith and mental health, and I was asked specifically how renewing my faith assisted in my mental health (struggle with depression and anxiety). I did some reflecting and wrote a lot and thought I would share it here:

I had been addicted to PMO for a very long time, pretty much since middle school (i'm 22 now), sadly due to unrestricted internet access. It got far worse in college, and ultimately resulted in depression ramping up. I dated a girl that was very bad for me and ultimately broke up with her in 2021 which crushed me and really magnified the severity of my depression. Everything went out of control from there - stopped taking care of myself (exercising, showering, general hygiene), started not caring about my diet and really just laying in bed and not doing anything. In college I ended up gaining about 50 pounds and had no healthy social life. After 6 months or so, it got better, but was still bad on and off. And I wasn't taking care of myself either, because I had been negligent of my faith for a long time. From what I can recall, my two thoughts that went into my head when I was depressed boiled down to something like this:

1.) what am I even living and working for? What is the point of everything? Why do I struggle so hard for no reason? What's the end goal?
2.) Thoughts regarding how imperfect, flawed, bad, and worthless I was in every sense. I'd take mistakes or lack of success in any regard as a sign I was inferior and worthless. This manifested in imposter syndrome when trying to get jobs and stuff like that.

Just about 2 months ago, I kind of had a lightbulb moment. I happened to read the classic sermon "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God" by Jonathan Edwards. And my biggest takeaway from that was that God can take us at any moment. For all I know, I could die tomorrow. And if I died tomorrow, would God be pleased with how I lived my life? And for whatever reason, that just clicked. My thought processes on the two above points changed:

1.) I exist to perform God's will and glorify Him. Following God in this temporary life leads to treasures in Heaven. We fight the good fight on this earth and struggle to prepare for our eternity in Heaven.
2.) Yes, I am imperfect. And I am meant to be. We are inherently imperfect, sinful, and corrupt creatures. And I do deserve the worst of the worst. Technically, that part of my thinking wasn't wrong at all! However, this doesn't correspond to worthlessness at all, but more than that, our imperfections and sins are cleansed by the blood of Christ. We will be imperfect, we will sin, the important thing is that we strive to be like Christ as much as we can, and we come before God and confess when we do sin. Not only that, but I wasn't praying and trusting in God to help me when I needed it most.

The absolute core problem was that being away from God had turned me into a selfish person. I did everything for myself, and relied solely on myself to tackle life's challenges. This is only going to lead to failure and misery. Once I realized that the purpose of each and every thing I do on this earth is to both glorify God and follow His will, the burden was lifted. All I have to do is kneel before Him in prayer and say "let Your will be done." If something doesn't go the way my selfish old self would have wanted, well, there was a reason for that. It wasn't part of God's plan for whatever reason. And I don't have to understand that reason - I trust that God has a plan for me and will use me as a tool, as he does with all believers, with which He can glorify Himself and perform His will and plan. Of course, I still put in the effort to do the best that I can in everything I do - believers can't sit, pray, and not take any action at all. But I trust that through my efforts God will give me meaning, purpose, and fulfillment. You'll never find true fulfillment or happiness in anything of this world.

Another point of note is that God specifically tells us that sexual immorality is a gateway to many other sins and a life straying away from His worthy walk: "But immorality or any impurity or greed must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints...For this you know with certainty, that no immoral or impure person or covetous man, who is an idolater, has an inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God" (Eph. 5:3,5). Additionally, Paul speaks of the disastrous consequences of living in sin and straying away from Christ earlier in the book: "[sinners] being darkened in their understanding, excluded from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, because of the hardness of their heart; and they, having become callous, have given themselves over to sensuality for the practice of every kind of impurity with greediness" (Eph. 4:18-19). In other words, sexual immorality leads to a sort of snowball effect: being negligent of one's faith leads to a life of sin, which in turn makes it more difficult to comprehend God's truths and remain true to the faith, worsening the negligence. Living in sin leads to blindness from God's truth, apathy as to the nature of one's dire situation, and giving into sexual lust, impurity, covetousness, and greed, which are all intrinsically linked. I certainly experienced this word for word, and it was eye opening to see. On the contrary, a vigorous and nurtured faith is part of the armor of God as described in Ephesians 6 - serving as both a foundation for a Christ-centered life - "...having shod your feet with the preparation of the Gospel of peace" (Eph. 6:15) and a weapon against evils and temptations "...the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God" (Eph. 6:17). In summary, a strong faith - obeying God's word and will and praying - are essential for living a pure and righteous life free of sin and lust.

Already since I realized the error in my ways, a lot of things have turned around for me. I've started working out, and actually stuck to it this time, because I'm not doing it for myself, but because God tells us that our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit and that we are to take care of them. I've restored my hygenic practices for the same reason. I feel a strong desire to read God's Word every day and pray because I want to know His will and implement it into my own life. And God always answers prayers - even if they are not in the way that I expect. And most significantly, I'm no longer depressed because I have a purpose, reason, and motivation to do each and every thing I do. And I know that whatever happens, whether it be in my life or throughout the world (politics is something that often triggered my depression, still does from time to time but i remember this), it is all part of God's plan, whether or not I understand it.

 

[cyberDude]

I dated a girl that was very bad for me and ultimately broke up with her in 2021 which crushed me and really magnified the severity of my depression

Breaking up with our loved ones will cause severe mental issues Man, I to had it.

That's why Wise people will say to focus on Ourselfs, We can't take care of the people whom we love if we're already a one who's not stable in Mentally and Economically.

We need to Improve ourselfs, We need to love the God not God's creations. The Creations will hurt us, But not God himself!

Everything comes under as "Plan of God", So Embrace it & Pass the Tests conducted by God!

You have already Won Man! Cause you're Striving to do that So!

 

[cosmicsea32]

Breaking up with our loved ones will cause severe mental issues Man, I to had it.

That's why Wise people will say to focus on Ourselfs, We can't take care of the people whom we love if we're already a one who's not stable in Mentally and Economically.

We need to Improve ourselfs, We need to love the God not God's creations. The Creations will hurt us, But not God himself!

Everything comes under as "Plan of God", So Embrace it & Pass the Tests conducted by God!

You have already Won Man! Cause you're Striving to do that So!

Absolutely. Which is why I'm holding back and working on myself before I pursue another relationship.

 

[LongSault]

I had been addicted to PMO for a very long time, pretty much since middle school (i'm 22 now), sadly due to unrestricted internet access. It got far worse in college, and ultimately resulted in depression ramping up. I dated a girl that was very bad for me and ultimately broke up with her in 2021 which crushed me and really magnified the severity of my depression.

I can definitely relate to this on a deep level. Like yourself, I discovered PMO in middle school around the age of ten, nearly twenty years ago. Unrestricted access to an internet in its infancy definitely had devastating consequences. College (the first time around, anyway) was an extremely lonely and depressing time, one which I "medicated" with porn. Worse still, I also lost my religion at that time too (granted, I never fully embraced or cared for it for most of my life, but in hindsight, if I could do things all over again, I wouldn't have questioned it the way that I did a decade ago). Even though I've been porn-free for nearly four months now, getting rid of the addiction itself didn't automatically make life better. I too met a girl recently who was interested, but I decided to break things off when I realized that my mental state hasn't fully recovered from a lifetime of both childhood trauma, low self esteem and a crippling addiction.

Everything went out of control from there - stopped taking care of myself (exercising, showering, general hygiene), started not caring about my diet and really just laying in bed and not doing anything. In college I ended up gaining about 50 pounds and had no healthy social life. After 6 months or so, it got better, but was still bad on and off. And I wasn't taking care of myself either, because I had been negligent of my faith for a long time.

You and I both. In my case, for so many years I had lived without a purpose. I had no friends for a long time and no clear sense of personal identity. Religion certainly gives one a sense of meaning, purpose and identity, but without it one is forced to pick up all the pieces and craft something new, which can be daunting and confusing at times. As for personal neglect, I did the same at one point, no doubt as a direct consequence of succumbing to the belief that being porn-free was impossible and a fool's dream. My relatives berated me for my neglect, claiming I was living like someone homeless, which I didn't seem to mind at the time. It was an outer reflection of an inner self-image.

From what I can recall, my two thoughts that went into my head when I was depressed boiled down to something like this:

1.) what am I even living and working for? What is the point of everything? Why do I struggle so hard for no reason? What's the end goal?
2.) Thoughts regarding how imperfect, flawed, bad, and worthless I was in every sense. I'd take mistakes or lack of success in any regard as a sign I was inferior and worthless. This manifested in imposter syndrome when trying to get jobs and stuff like that.

As I've probably implied, I asked myself these very questions at times, but the questions themselves were often rhetorical. I believed that 1) There is nothing to live for telling myself that I lacked all the genetic attributes that one needs to be born with in order to succeed (that's the black pill thinking, in case you're wondering). On the other hand, I also believed that 2) I was ugly, unattractive, unintelligent and lacking no talent in anything, even saying it out loud at work and amongst relatives. I' sure I made many people uncomfortable and annoyed with this kind of talk, but it was a genuine reflection of how I truly felt. This view was heavily reinforced by the so-called black pill community, who stress that one's looks determine the overall quality of one's life. It's a toxic mentality that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

1.) I exist to perform God's will and glorify Him. Following God in this temporary life leads to treasures in Heaven. We fight the good fight on this earth and struggle to prepare for our eternity in Heaven.
2.) Yes, I am imperfect. And I am meant to be. We are inherently imperfect, sinful, and corrupt creatures. And I do deserve the worst of the worst. Technically, that part of my thinking wasn't wrong at all! However, this doesn't correspond to worthlessness at all, but more than that, our imperfections and sins are cleansed by the blood of Christ. We will be imperfect, we will sin, the important thing is that we strive to be like Christ as much as we can, and we come before God and confess when we do sin. Not only that, but I wasn't praying and trusting in God to help me when I needed it most.

I'm really glad that you were able to rediscover your faith and fight a sense of purpose to keep you moving forward. While I never returned to religion per se, I did learn over time that the best way to live a meaningful life is to use said life making other people's lives more meaningful. Having been in church my entire life, I did notice that people were conspicuously lacking in any form of community outreach or making attempts at being charitable. If my current career goals don't pan out, I was even thinking of joining Red Cross or a similar organization that provides relief work. In the meantime, I've settled on volunteering my free time at a local food bank, since food insecurity is a big problem where I live.

You're right about humans not being perfect. This may not mean much coming from me, but cling to your faith as best you can. My advice is to steer clear of theological debates or anything that might lead to you questioning your beliefs, but instead focus on following Jesus' example as best you can. In church, people used to warn that one might be the only Bible people ever read, so if you treat others the way Christ would and do so with the right attitude, I think that's the best way to live your life.

I hope that you kick this addiction soon! I don't mind being an AP if you're looking for one (my current ones seemed to have moved on).

 

[cosmicsea32]

I can definitely relate to this on a deep level. Like yourself, I discovered PMO in middle school around the age of ten, nearly twenty years ago. Unrestricted access to an internet in its infancy definitely had devastating consequences. College (the first time around, anyway) was an extremely lonely and depressing time, one which I "medicated" with porn. Worse still, I also lost my religion at that time too (granted, I never fully embraced or cared for it for most of my life, but in hindsight, if I could do things all over again, I wouldn't have questioned it the way that I did a decade ago). Even though I've been porn-free for nearly four months now, getting rid of the addiction itself didn't automatically make life better. I too met a girl recently who was interested, but I decided to break things off when I realized that my mental state hasn't fully recovered from a lifetime of both childhood trauma, low self esteem and a crippling addiction.



You and I both. In my case, for so many years I had lived without a purpose. I had no friends for a long time and no clear sense of personal identity. Religion certainly gives one a sense of meaning, purpose and identity, but without it one is forced to pick up all the pieces and craft something new, which can be daunting and confusing at times. As for personal neglect, I did the same at one point, no doubt as a direct consequence of succumbing to the belief that being porn-free was impossible and a fool's dream. My relatives berated me for my neglect, claiming I was living like someone homeless, which I didn't seem to mind at the time. It was an outer reflection of an inner self-image.



As I've probably implied, I asked myself these very questions at times, but the questions themselves were often rhetorical. I believed that 1) There is nothing to live for telling myself that I lacked all the genetic attributes that one needs to be born with in order to succeed (that's the black pill thinking, in case you're wondering). On the other hand, I also believed that 2) I was ugly, unattractive, unintelligent and lacking no talent in anything, even saying it out loud at work and amongst relatives. I' sure I made many people uncomfortable and annoyed with this kind of talk, but it was a genuine reflection of how I truly felt. This view was heavily reinforced by the so-called black pill community, who stress that one's looks determine the overall quality of one's life. It's a toxic mentality that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.



I'm really glad that you were able to rediscover your faith and fight a sense of purpose to keep you moving forward. While I never returned to religion per se, I did learn over time that the best way to live a meaningful life is to use said life making other people's lives more meaningful. Having been in church my entire life, I did notice that people were conspicuously lacking in any form of community outreach or making attempts at being charitable. If my current career goals don't pan out, I was even thinking of joining Red Cross or a similar organization that provides relief work. In the meantime, I've settled on volunteering my free time at a local food bank, since food insecurity is a big problem where I live.

You're right about humans not being perfect. This may not mean much coming from me, but cling to your faith as best you can. My advice is to steer clear of theological debates or anything that might lead to you questioning your beliefs, but instead focus on following Jesus' example as best you can. In church, people used to warn that one might be the only Bible people ever read, so if you treat others the way Christ would and do so with the right attitude, I think that's the best way to live your life.

I hope that you kick this addiction soon! I don't mind being an AP if you're looking for one (my current ones seemed to have moved on).

It's insane how many people I've talked to that have had the exact same experience and dealt with this. It's frankly a crime that will never be brought to justice. I'm definitely glad you got out of that black pill stuff. That's the product of the Internet age and unrealistic high standards. You get successful by working hard, end of story. And I'm glad that reaching out and helping others has helped you as well. I appreciate the encouragement and I'd love to be AP's!