Overcoming shame

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Thechosenone, Oct 24, 2015.

  1. Thechosenone

    Thechosenone Fapstronaut

    843
    849
    93
    I've transmuted enough of this energy to give myself a new baseline of self esteem. Slowly I'm realising more and more some of the outrageous excessive things I've done because of fapping.

    Ive noticed to cover shame I try and over compensate but using ideals all the time.. It's messed up, the porn and fapping made me escalate other areas of my life I took that thinking into other areas ...

    Now since quiitting I feel calmer and more regular, I don't feel full of gas. I feel like a kid who was being played and patronised. I can look through that now. I'm becoming the real me. The person who I am according to my circumstances - snap back to reality.
     
    Deleted Account and Foxtrot12 like this.
  2. HopeFaith

    HopeFaith Fapstronaut

    1,237
    1,472
    143
    Supper great that you are seeing improvements. Keep up the good work
     
    Thechosenone likes this.
  3. Thechosenone

    Thechosenone Fapstronaut

    843
    849
    93
    Thanks for the support, I'm at day 76 but reality shows me its the start of a new life

     
    HopeFaith likes this.
  4. Ryuk200

    Ryuk200 Guest

    ummmp there goes gravity.
     
    Thechosenone and HopeFaith like this.
  5. octavian

    octavian Fapstronaut

    15
    14
    3
    Congrats! Keep it going.
    But don't beat yourself up over lustful thoughts. Those are biological, and they will come.
    It is *dwelling* on them that becomes problematic.

    I say this from experience. I user to have terrible guilt over lustful thoughts, and I would feel so discouraged that I would just say "what the hell" and would lead to a full relapse.

    My advice is: get a long way down getting off the P and M, and you will find it a lot easier to not dwell on the lustful thoughts.
     
    taqwa likes this.
  6. Thechosenone

    Thechosenone Fapstronaut

    843
    849
    93
    It's not so much lustful thoughts its more about accepting who I am, I went out with friends yesterday and I thought I was better than them all, the reality is that they watch a lot of tv and play a lot of video games because we weren't born with a silver spoon...

    I feel exessive, I can't make a point without having th final word or even I take jokes and inflate them, there's no chill no reality sense, I don't speak much other than to do these things..

    Nobodoy knkws who I am even I don't know

     
  7. programer

    programer Fapstronaut

    666
    901
    93
    Welcome back to reality although day 76 is early. After 2-3 years, you will be back to factory settings.
     
    Thechosenone likes this.
  8. Thechosenone

    Thechosenone Fapstronaut

    843
    849
    93
    I found out about Nofap last summer, been clear from hardcore porn since january, I think maybe another year or upto 6 months 0 arousal should do the trick
     
    programer likes this.
  9. HopeFaith

    HopeFaith Fapstronaut

    1,237
    1,472
    143
    I think reboot would do you really good. I felt better than most people because I could not interact with them or engage them in conversation. I thought it was them being weird and unfriendly. Nothing further from the truth. It was me all along. I know I have a problem as I cannot stop MO. Being addicted to anything would carry weird symptoms with it. Maybe yours would improve once you stop the addiction.
     
    Thechosenone likes this.
  10. Ryuk200

    Ryuk200 Guest

    How your style and fashion? Now that you're changing and also doing things to get fitter, you might find that stuff like that can really elevate your esteem even more, its about volume the powerful feeling you have when you're around the average fapper will increase even more when you enhance your wardrobe, it just occurred to me now and its another thing I have to look into improving and it will be a key to my self improvement. So far I've got nofap, fitness & diet, spirituality and self education. Every I do a man should have impact on the way I feel and my self worth a as male, even the smallest of things should matter, the way I walk, the clothing I choose to buy and wear and the hair style I get.

    The individuality mindset is whats needed. But at the end of the day you are what makes these things, they don't make you and own you, all the things are interpreted differently when it comes to every individual, fitness, spirituality, style ect. all mean different things to everyone. Ultimately its you who has to add meaning to them according to your life and the person you envision yourself to be.
     
  11. Thechosenone

    Thechosenone Fapstronaut

    843
    849
    93
    I agree with what youre saying, it's already helped me hugely, MO was a problem for me since a young age. I knew that itd mess things up but I went through with it anyway. I'm going to control all my vices and hopefully help my family overcome thier vices too once I gain enough strength to fix my own situations. I feel like a snob when my culture is very not snobbish. i feel like an outcast in some ways.

    The snob feelings are based in my abilities which I know I have, and I always feel like I have to assert that i'm better than everyone and they have to reciprocate that. It's a programming I've had since I was young. Too much praise too much ego.
     
    Last edited: Oct 25, 2015
  12. Thechosenone

    Thechosenone Fapstronaut

    843
    849
    93
    I agree man, since i've started university ive been wearing tailored shirts that my uncle has made. I dress smarter and feel smarter than ever. My fitness regime has really given me a huge boost, my posture is really becoming something amazing. I can feel my muscle groups getting a good workout whenever i exercise and I shower a lot more regularly now giving me even more energy. I feel like i'm becoming a real man/gentleman

    I guess the post was a comment on how my friends were able to accept the video games the fast food and all of it and yet still keep a good face on, and be good people in thier own rights. A friend of mine met a girl who is 10 years older, this is the first girl hes met and hes already talking about marriage. It's as if he's accepted his life and said f trying to do anything greater - his character is fixed.

    I told him to use this experience as a stepping stone to meet others. I feel bad for them in some respects, they seem very self assured and confident but not when it comes to these matters, theyre not that kind of people; I dont know where I stand in all of this as I'm just about rediscovering myself. this concept of 'love' I'm not sure I understand fully. Sex and lust and love are different emotions - lust and love especially.

    Anyway long story short a reboot is the answer
     
    Ryuk200 likes this.
  13. programer

    programer Fapstronaut

    666
    901
    93
    Thats nice.
     
    HopeFaith likes this.
  14. mv8652

    mv8652 Fapstronaut

    465
    713
    93
    I agree on the self-esteem of dressing better. My life seldom requires more than casual attire, but I try to avoid looking sloppy at all costs. I've lost 15 pounds from better diet and exercise that have been motivated by not fapping. That has allowed me to get into six pairs of tighter jeans that I haven't been able to wear in a few years. They're only one inch smaller in waist size, but they're cut slimmer all over. I've been wearing them for over a week now, and they show me off as only slim jeans can (if you know what I mean), which has boosted my masculine self-concept significantly. Woo-hoo! (I don't mean that I'm trying to look sexy to lure a partner. It just makes me feel great about myself.)
     
    Last edited: Oct 25, 2015
    Ryuk200 likes this.
  15. Ryuk200

    Ryuk200 Guest

    it feels great doesn't it? Shaping how you look via working out, shoulders, chest and arms and picking awesome clothes that fit you nicely. It really does something and makes you walk like you own the street or building, I need to get back into that. Its more self improvement but the convo kinda went here. The overall goal is too long masculine just like women go out of their way to look feminine, now thats not to say that you don't look like a man or women don't look like women but things like picking out stylish new clothes and working out accentuates those features and in turn makes you look badass. Think James Bond.
     
  16. grADD student

    grADD student Fapstronaut

    69
    59
    18

    I'm a little confused. Does it make you feel good or bad that you feel better than your friends? You use words like "abilities" which is positive, but also words like "snobbish" which is negative. People seem to be praising you for the power you feel, but not addressing the negative feelings (if you think they're negative that is). So I am unsure how to respond to your posts. Great work on the sobriety btw!
     
  17. Thechosenone

    Thechosenone Fapstronaut

    843
    849
    93
    Yeah I feel like I don't resonate with my friends anymore and I'd like to, because I feel like they can accept themselves as they are and I'm trying to be better myself leaving them behind.

    I don't know what I want man, I'm so confused this nofap process has made me question everything


     
  18. mv8652

    mv8652 Fapstronaut

    465
    713
    93
    Friendship is worth something! Just ask somebody who has no friends. If you want to relate better with your friends, be friendly. Be conscious of showing them that you value them--little unexpected favors, offers to help, thank-yous, etc. You can't herd your friends along with you in your self-improvement, but if you don't turn them off with snobbishness, you might manage to inspire them to better themselves by your example. If not, they're still your friends. Treat them accordingly.
     
  19. Thechosenone

    Thechosenone Fapstronaut

    843
    849
    93
    I do but don't get the response id like its something implicit we share, a friend even said to me 'he can draw good pictures but he's a shit friend' because I don't fit their definition of friend...

    Later that day I shouted at him and cried afterwards... Effectively ruining our meeting which was my other friends birthday...

    I'm not keen on keeping friends anymore it feels like ... But I can't afford to not speak to anyone or see anyone

     
  20. Ryuk200

    Ryuk200 Guest

    You can ask me, friendship doesn't really mean much to me, I have many acquaintances but friends I don't really have time for especially, they are draining and always want you to be on their level rather than elevating themselves. I'm probably the wrong person to ask but... self mastery > friends. I'd expect my acquaintances to have a sort of elitist mindset, you are who you're friends are but in my case, you are who you're acquaintances are and they're all self centered and self reliant, they save their money and aspire to own their own house and be their own boss, my attitude is you're either winning or losing and its fluctuates as you go on but I'll drop a friend that doesn't want to be on my level or aspire to be greater than me even if hes nice. Not a popular opinion but its how I am right now, I was much different in my 20s mind you. So I don't see anything wrong with TheChosenOne's mindset, hes developing in his own way.
     
    Thechosenone likes this.

Share This Page