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Guest
Hi y'all
Im new at this site, and joined this because i've been feeling like i'm not living to my fullest potential. It's like i know i can do so many things better but i just can't because my mind is clouded and kinda messed up.
I've been through alot througout my life. I was born in a poor area in the world, where war and poverty reigned. In this camp i was molested as kid.
Luckily we got visa to an european country where i got the opportunity to live another life. I was offered school and safety. But somehow i never felt like i fitted in or just felt different and not enough, always compared my self with others, even as child.
Slowly as i got older i got in different social groups where i started hang out untill late. It started with smoking cigarettes. At high school it was smoking+cigarettes. 2. year it was alcohol+smoking+marihuanna. Then it was MDMA, Cocain, amphetamine, LSD.
Then something happend. after my LSD i got some sort of revelation. I could see which path my life was on, and it was not the path i wanted to be on. So i stopped all smoking and drinking and drugs. I got spiritual. I started practicing religion, because i genuinly believe there must be some kind of higher power, because anything else would be lying and denying some kind of universal truth.
But however one thing always kept going on the dark. It didn't feel that bad. And i never imagined how it could affect my life. But now i realize PMO is the hardest 'drug' i've ever been up against. Even though i'm married and have a lovely wife who would go through fire and water with me, i just cant seem to get over this. And it makes me feel like a hypocrite, a looser and a fiasco, like i can see my life being wasted in front of a screen. When it was worst i actually ended up cheating. It has ruined every single idea of who i am as a man, and which kind of man i wanted to be.
I've been reading many books how to overcome addiction, but in reality i feel it very hard to practice. But i know one thing for sure. I'm never gonna quit trying to reach that maximum potential i know i can be. Mentally, physically, emotionally, socially and spiritually.
Im new at this site, and joined this because i've been feeling like i'm not living to my fullest potential. It's like i know i can do so many things better but i just can't because my mind is clouded and kinda messed up.
I've been through alot througout my life. I was born in a poor area in the world, where war and poverty reigned. In this camp i was molested as kid.
Luckily we got visa to an european country where i got the opportunity to live another life. I was offered school and safety. But somehow i never felt like i fitted in or just felt different and not enough, always compared my self with others, even as child.
Slowly as i got older i got in different social groups where i started hang out untill late. It started with smoking cigarettes. At high school it was smoking+cigarettes. 2. year it was alcohol+smoking+marihuanna. Then it was MDMA, Cocain, amphetamine, LSD.
Then something happend. after my LSD i got some sort of revelation. I could see which path my life was on, and it was not the path i wanted to be on. So i stopped all smoking and drinking and drugs. I got spiritual. I started practicing religion, because i genuinly believe there must be some kind of higher power, because anything else would be lying and denying some kind of universal truth.
But however one thing always kept going on the dark. It didn't feel that bad. And i never imagined how it could affect my life. But now i realize PMO is the hardest 'drug' i've ever been up against. Even though i'm married and have a lovely wife who would go through fire and water with me, i just cant seem to get over this. And it makes me feel like a hypocrite, a looser and a fiasco, like i can see my life being wasted in front of a screen. When it was worst i actually ended up cheating. It has ruined every single idea of who i am as a man, and which kind of man i wanted to be.
I've been reading many books how to overcome addiction, but in reality i feel it very hard to practice. But i know one thing for sure. I'm never gonna quit trying to reach that maximum potential i know i can be. Mentally, physically, emotionally, socially and spiritually.
