Oversexualizing woman

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by mikexperiment, Jun 13, 2018.

  1. petite_mort

    petite_mort Fapstronaut

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    I've just read the whole post as I've been baited by the title. I like to see PMO as a stain on reality perception, and oversexualisation would be the hard-as-nails strata that years of PMO leave off; on the contrary, it might even have preceded it and lead the disaster that we're all in. Anybody who's had a decent streak could tell after a time that the biggest change coincide with our internal view of sexuality (whether it be lust for the same or the opposite sex). It's quite baffling that the simplest actions, such as talking to an unknown woman at work or any other place for that matter, becomes akin to moving mountains. It goes to show the regressive aspect of porn/oversexualisation, turning us into doomed animals that compulsively think about the same thing which impairs even the most basic social interactions.
     
    Huskerjim likes this.
  2. Very well said. The Whole challenge of talking to woman is perfectly compared to moving mountains. And that’s what I have learned with women at the gym (yes I bring this up a lot, but that only because this is the only place I go that isn’t work where I see women I actually don’t often engage with and oversexualize) that I have talked to is even the most desirable woman has her own insecurities, even in a place like the gym.

    Example: I was so afraid to talk to this girl Brandy Alexander (not her real name) and she’s the original girl in the first post. And after I, me, the male, broke the communication barrier, talking to her is such cake, especially with NoFap. Now lately, she approaches me on the days she’s there to talk and catch up. I have not approached her once since that first time. She’s pretty cool, and very interesting from the things we have talked about and shared and the one thing I have learned is that she has her insecurities and flaws that she feels about herself.

    To me, she’s a 12 out of 10. But she claims she doesn’t like this, doesn’t like that about her body. And I don’t know if she’s just trolling or fishing for compliments, of if she keeps coming and approaching me for the reassurance that she doesn’t get elsewhere, but I never would have thought I would speak to her as much as I have.
     
    Huskerjim likes this.
  3. petite_mort

    petite_mort Fapstronaut

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    The truth is, a vast majority of people have insecurities. Trust me, if you're able to open people up (it's not that hard really if you know to listen to others and withhold judgement), you'd be surprised. The hot ones are often as neurotic as the uglier ones, if not more; they're simply more equipped to conceal it.

    I'm not sure about particular case though, as I haven't witnessed anything. She might simply see you as a friend (which, in a seduction context, would be called the friendzone); there's a chance she approaches you (or rather, trying to make you approach, especially in such a "physical" context that is the gym).
     
    Taylorel M likes this.
  4. Taylorel M

    Taylorel M Fapstronaut

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    It is both reassuring and/or terrifying that everyone has insecurities. Reassuring, because it could mean it's basically human to feel that way since we all do--not only ourselves, dealing with PMO and the insecurities associated with it--but everyone. Terrifying, though, because it is everyone. Almost like it's normal, but should it be?
     
  5. Well said and I am clearly just learning that now as silly as it seems. While I am trying to overcome mine, communicating with people lately who I think have none or believed have none has really helped me not only get closer and respect these people for sharing such info with me but also see how alike we are in such a way as human.

    And I’m perfectly fine with seeing it as just friends. I’m not going to leave my wife for her or push it to having a friendship outside of the gym. Really I’m over analyzing everything as far as our communication. Overall, it’s just a great feeling to know I talk to this woman now and it’s easy to do so after oversexualizing her as badly as I did.

    Back to my first response, it is scary to see that no matter the differences we may have among people we see daily or constantly, we all have our own insecurities we can share, relate and respect once we just simply talk and communicate.

    I feel it is normal, no one is perfect and so far since talking to my friends and peers I have felt more human and more whole because I can relate to people now once opening up
     
  6. MasterRoshi

    MasterRoshi Fapstronaut

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    Sorry your having troubles. I know exactly how you feel. The good news this goes away over time. The sexualization I mean. I still find women attractive but for the most part my sexualization of Them is at a much healthier level than it was the first month of sobriety.

    Also, try and refrain from entertaining the thoughts. I kept my head down as much as possible in the beginning and forced myself to look away. While later on in recovery I think it’s a good idea to have a healthy relationship with our sexual side, it’s orobsbly best not to test it until your reset is complete.

    Without the right length of time and without the healthy tools at your disposal. this could lead you to blueballs and mental effects sending you to feeling the need to act out.

    As the wise Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book says, (paraphrased) “we can hang out in a bar as long as we are sure footed. But if there’s any doubt it’s best we stay away and do some work on ourselves instead, until we can approach the situation with honesty”

    Replace “bar” with “potentially dangerous sexual fantasy/arousal” and it applies to us as well.

    In other words Alcoholics can go to bars if they are on solid ground in recovery, and PMO addicts can explore their sexual side as long as they’re on solid ground in recovery. If not, it’s best to do some more work instead.

    Hang in there, trust me, with some effort and daily work it gets better!
     
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  7. Empty soul

    Empty soul Fapstronaut

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  8. Empty soul

    Empty soul Fapstronaut

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    You are doing great sir.. I feel the same about bother men and women who are pretty I can't stop feeling this way about everyone around me. Joined NoFap only a day ago wish me luck
     
    MasterRoshi likes this.
  9. MasterRoshi

    MasterRoshi Fapstronaut

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    It gets better. I thought it never would but as always, the things I thought were permanant and never gonna change, did :)

    Just give yourself a chance to experience the other side. I spent so long giving up before I got through the hard times that I never got to experience the relief of getting through something. But it turns out, it does get better if I sit back, don’t do anything and wait for these moments to pass, cuz it seems like the always do pass... as hard as it is for me to accept that...it seems to be true lol
     
    RobbyGo36 likes this.
  10. RobbyGo36

    RobbyGo36 Fapstronaut

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    I am encouraged by your words, thank you for this. There is hope that I can have my mind back. I am currently going through a relentless stream of flash-fantasy every day with all the women I see and meet.
     
  11. MasterRoshi

    MasterRoshi Fapstronaut

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    Hey! This is very common. Over time it gets less. I would recommend writing about it until you find clarity then sharing that clarity with someone. His search for clarity is a process of self exploration and rigorous honesty. Which are keys to my recovery I think.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  12. Totally agree with you that it is very common. I still have that stream in my brain with a lot of women on a consistent basis, but it does not feel as detrimental to where I need to find pornstars or porn of a similar scenario to release or feed my thought process. It does get easier with time and patience, and I believe the self clairity of seeing that women are just like us and when we are able to talk/chat to women like humans(even small talk to any woman like the clerk at the store, the waitress etc) helps build a communication that takes away oversexualization and it helps recovery.
     

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