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Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Fenix Rising, May 12, 2019.
At its worse, how bad was your fatigue, and how long did it take before you saw an improvement?
Sinto muito e peço desculpas por não entender isso, mas o que significa o PAWS? Minha língua é o português e ainda não entendo muito bem o inglês (uso o Google Translate para traduzir posts porque em português as informações sobre noFap são lixo)
I mostly lost my old friends with whom I shared the drug-lifestyle. I'm still in contact with them but the mutual connection we shared has been lost. Beside that I had troubles making new friends but right before Covid hit the world I started to make more friends at university beside my best friend. I was open about my past addiction problems because I wasn't drinking alcohol and I somehow had to explain myself and I thought I also could tell the truth.
I already came from a place of being isolated, exhausted, etc. so I still managed to find new friends under those circumstances but it was a real effort and socialising was actually a burden. This has changed and it no longer feels like a burden as my social anxiety drastically reduced. Being in a transition phase in life where your interests and view on the world changes is often accompanied by a loss of old friends, combine this with a pandemic, the need to isolate myself because my father is a risk patient and very very dark days for nearly a year really does something to you.
Have followed you for a while dude. Great to hear you are seeing process! Must be great getting those good days just to know you are healing. I get maybe 1 "good" day every few months. Been on Nofap for 4 years and only took it serious these past 2 years. Currently sitting on 8 months with no improvements. I feel like my testosterone is critically low. I have this feeling that maybe the flatline is resolving that issue and its an effect of that and i should wait it out. Or maybe i should just take action and go on TRT? Would that mess with me? Im very much against going against nature so the thought of antidepressants and trt i have been putting off for years. But perhaps i should maybe consider that PMO permentantly fucked my hormones.
You need to get your testosterone levels checked first before thinking of "fixing them", you might feel like they're low but you're only guessing at this point. You can order kits online and send them back if you're worried about going to doctors. Obviously I don't know you but if I had to guess I'd say your T levels are probably fine.
I remember becoming obsessed with T levels and stuff as well and would routinely find myself on the testosterone subreddit. That all ended however when I remember this one thread where a guy was asking why can't he get an erection with his wife but he could to porn. There were about 50 comments all along the lines of "post your labs" "what's your dose" "your E2 levels aren't quite optimal" and other such bullshit. I simply posted "stop watching porn" and do you know what happened? My post got downvoted into oblivion LOL and had people calling me all kinds of insults. Anyway that was the last time I ever visited that stupid place.
Sorry for going off on a bit of a tangent there.
I defiently agree. And dont worry of course i would have gotten tested before jumping into TRT haha. Anyways i do think my testosterone is critcally low, man boobs, social anxiety, low muscle mass even when i lift, no manly behavior, etc, etc. But i think its been caused by PMO which i used before puberty. Perhaps i need more time. Maybe there is some link between dopamine and testosterone? Because my dopamine/serotonin are defiently fucked
Don't do that! You could become permanently infertile, and your testicles may shrink permanently. You should really only consider TRT if a perfect lifestyle still doesn't fix low T.
I had a very good day today. I felt like the world was my oyster and everything was going my way. Then now, I feel like what I remember a ritalin comedown feels like.
Yeah you don't realize how bad the addiction was till the reboot process started... And when the withdraws and paws hit and go so long, you'll wish you'd never start with this pmo thing.
The feeling of PAWS is very similar to that of an MDMA comedown for me, which is comparable to that of Ritalin but more intense. It's consistently like I've taken a whole gram in a night and recovering from it.
In other news, I haven't had the soul crushing anxiety and depression which constantly haunted me in my first four months for over three weeks now which is a major improvement. Still struggling with all the symptoms but I would say I'm no longer living in pain, I no longer have to congratulate myself just for getting through the day. I'm also beginning to finally move towards the mindset that I will recover, whereas before intrusive thoughts that my mental state was permanent plagued me every day.
Chuffed to hear about your improvements @DerJogge, you deserve it. Same goes for you @DGZ!
For me, it's my memory. Every time something crucial comes to mind (it always happens when it's something I really care about, or something that is very important—it's almost like a demon in my brain is selectively suppressing my memory to get me even angrier), I have to write it down right afterwards, because as soon as that happens, it's like my memory goes to sleep, and I can't remember anything. The harder I try to remember, the more "foggy" my brain gets. I have no idea why this happens. It feels almost malicious at times.
Just wanna give an update on myself, maybe one day I can come back to this and laugh, currently on day 104 of nofap, last relapse was after a 3 week streek, and it was a flat line relapse in my opinion since my dick was half limp. 19 years old, about to be 20, crazy depression and anxiety is sort of going away after 4 months thank fucking GOD. Libido still nonexistent, feel like I'm coming off of a flatline but im still in one if that makes any sense. The depression thats left me in me could be due to the fact I had to end things with the girl i loved because I couldnt keep making excuses on why she couldnt see my dick, had to stop lying to her, and theres no way I tell her about my problems she has a friend she tells everything to and she has a big mouth so can't take that risk. Anyways man some fucking bullshit out here and life is fucking tough right now, but I feel like the hell hole I was in for 3 months is finally over. Now I just needa get my sexual energy back, stopped drinking alcohol on weekends and I think that helped a bit. My libido is bad that 3 weeks ago I was on a date with my girl who has the body of a pornstar, she was sitting on my lap, only had her underwear on and I could barley get hard lol. fucking pathetic, idk anymore man, I remember when this all started 4 years ago when I had a girl in my bed and boom no erection, again 1 month later, I shouldve started healing there, mistakes were made, but cant dwell on the past. Will post an update when I notice another change.
At worst my fatigue feels like I've been drugged. There is a lethargy that I have never experienced prior to this illness. It's an all consuming, mouth open, stupor that lasts for an hour or two. Aside from those episodes it's just the overall fatigue that goes with low frontal functioning (anhedonia, poor executive function, etc..) It still happens sometimes so I can't say it's gone but it always coincides with noticeably exacerbated GI symptoms. When I eat just the right combination of meats and cooked veggies I can go a couple weeks without a major episode but adding any grains, dairy, or other offending foods makes it all come back with a vengeance. The fatigue and lethargy always gets worse when this happens. I don't think it's a coincidence that all the long-termers here complain about gut issues.
Also, overdoing exercise causes episodes with fatigue and general malaise with sore joints and muscles.
Now that I'm approaching my 1yr mark on Nofap I'm ready to take another stab at repairing those gut bugs. I've tried in the past but nothing really seems to work. Drugs like Prilosec help with GERD but not with discomfort, bloating, gas, and whatnot. If I'm willing to work on my brain I should also be willing to work on my gut. I know it's all interrelated but I just can't find a natural strategy that works for me yet.
I've never been sensitive to foods in my whole life but now lots of things tear me up and give me trouble. Sometimes I can't even tell what did it. I believe that the gut-brain axis is totally real because over the years my mental health and gut health have deteriorated together. The two are connected directly by something called the Vagus Nerve where nerve impulses are exchanged in both directions. A screwed up GI tract may just be a facet of PAWS that runs it's coarse on it's own, I'm not sure. I've read somewhere that these symptoms get better as the PAWS symptoms get better. It might even be that GI dysfunction severity is a marker of PAWS duration. Maybe? IDK.
Here's a very interesting video if you want to get lost for an hour. The second half is more relevant to us than the first but it's all pretty interesting.
Gut bacteria and mind control: to fix your brain, fix your gut! - YouTube
The amount of research linking the microbiome and mental health just keeps growing.
10 Best Probiotics For Depression & Anxiety: Gut-Brain Axis Modification - Mental Health Daily
What do you think? Do you notice any correlation between your brain symptoms severity and your GI symptoms?
Could you mention some of the grains that you used for food? I also think over-exercising could make one more exhausted, this could be a reason why I felt tired recently. It has also been mentioned in a book by a Chinese rebooter: Rebooting as the best remedy. I find some sensitivity to food as well, I think artificial sugar could harm us and make us anxious. I find sesame in particular, sometimes milk, and fatty meat could induce nocturnal emissions.
I see some members are feeling better, hopefully, everyone else is getting improvements. My last week got better, but things are variable, a couple of days feel like I am getting well and in some moments I naturally feel good and interact actively with everyone else, then after a couple of hours or on the next day things will be the opposite. Yesterday I felt tired, felt uncomfortable; felt my anxiety popped again, and felt social anxious unlike a day before when I was feeling almost good, having guts and confidence. I even went to search for a job for the first time after months of delay. Yesterday I was not sure of it. This morning I felt my head sensations again, they have reduced recently and gone, today they were mild but noticed and annoying. They feel like cramps/numbs/sensations either as sides, or front or back. Does anyone here have this type of headache before?
On the other hand, I am trying to reduce the frequency of nocturnal emissions, here is a link about it:
I am also having a daily jog, searching for extra aerobic exercises, if anyone has some tips will be appreciated.
I am trying to eat healthily, I used to fast a day and breakfast the other, it helped, but I noticed I lost weight of 4 kg in a month, so I am reducing it to twice a week. Regarding brain fog symptoms and even anxiety, I try to ignore them and focus on my day. Also, I take a spoon of olive oil every morning, dates, and a quarter of tsp of smashed black seeds. These seem to have a lot of benefits mentally and healthily. However, I take them with intervals not together and with minimum amounts to keep things safe.
Any extra healthy tips are appreciated!
So would it be fair to say that to the outside world (friends, family) that they think you are a recovering drug addict? I ask because I am living a sort of double life - I've tried telling a few people about PMO over the years and been laughed at every time. I also thought for a long time that I had a long-term chronic health problem, so that's what I still tell people, even though I'm now 99% sure that my problems are mostly / all down to PMO.
I don't feel good about this deception. The double-life thing is stretching my sanity to the limit, but if I told my doctor or whoever that I put my health problem down to PMO, I'd get put in a psychiatric institution, and my life, which is already about as difficult as I can cope with, would be... well, lets just say it would be pretty much over.
From what I've heard, TRT can cause the body to stop producing T over the long haul, and can lead to serious problems, as others here have mentioned. I'd avoid it, and tough it out hardmode - there would be a danger that TRT would become a crutch.
But it is an interesting tangent!
Few people want to know about the problems that can be caused by over-use of porn. No-one really wants to talk about it, which is why this place is so important.
Yep, that's why I lost my job!
Yep, that feeling of being drugged is how I feel most of the time, and have done for the last 18 months. It is hellish.
Gut problems have been a big issue for me for a long time, so I am also hoping that quiting PMO for good will take this out of the equation along with all the other sh*t I have to put up with on a daily basis. For me I think PMO has caused mental health and gut (and many other) issues, so my perspective, and it's very much a working hypothesis, is that my mental and gut health issues are each down-stream of my PMO problem, rather than being directly linked - as such; I have had periods where my gut has been terrible, but I've not been noticeably worse in terms of mental / cognitive problems. However, I have had moments where the two do seem to go together, so I'm still keeping an open mind. The main problem for me at the moment is that eating a bar of chocolate is often the highlight of my day, so until my general quality of life is better, I'm using food treats as a crutch for my sanity.
I am interested in the idea of having a fecal matter transplant, but aside from the cost, the main thing that puts me off at the moment is the fact that they do say that stress has a massive effect on the effectiveness of the treatment. I know that my underlying stress levels will be high while my PAWS symptoms are bad, so until I have PMO / PAWS firmly in the rear-view mirror, it isn't worth trying, for me.
I am currently off YouTube, so can't click that link!
I take a pro-biotic and it makes a massive difference to many things, but can't say that I've noticed an effect on my mental health. I'm also experimenting with fermented foods, which have the great benefit of being cheap to make, and more tasty than you might think, but so far no great effects of any kind.
A couple of books I've read that I've found useful are:
The Microbiome Solution by Robynne Chutkan
Gut ("Darm mit Charm" in german) by Giulia Enders
Hope this is of interest!