P.A.W.S. - what are they, cure, duration

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Fenix Rising, May 12, 2019.

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  1. I will probably have to make a separate post about enemas when I have more time. What I can say briefly is that it has improved my quality of life by a large order of magnitude.

    My experience with PAWS/flatline was similar to a stock market chart; peaks and troughs but overall trending upward. Last week I knew I was out of PAWS because I wasn't merely having a good day. I was on a level much higher compared to any of my previous days and that is where I'm currently at.

    Having been through PAWS twice I truly don't believe there is any substitute for time. Meditation and enemas have improved my overall holistic health and added to my QOL, especially now that I have exited PAWS. Although I will say that meditation is harder now simply because I have so much damn energy all the time.
     
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  2. @mentorr @DerJogge this is not going to be pretty so just a word of caution.

    I've been trying as much as possible to keep my body running like a well oiled machine. Yet despite the fact that I was practicing intermittent fasting, eating a balanced diet, and drinking lots of water one morning the light bulb went over my head while I was taking a shit: why is it that I'm regular (every morning after workout and before shower) but I'm always struggling while dropping a deuce? My only conclusion was that my bowels were blocked which meant there was a problem with my exhaust system. If there is a problem with my exhaust system then my body is not functioning efficiently. If my body is not functioning efficiently then it will manifest as problems with my physical health.

    I bought one of those rubber syringes and allocated a Saturday to clean myself out. It took several fumbles but I finally got the hang of it. Yet after giving myself the enema it only took a few days before I was struggling with my morning shits once again. Tried the enema again with the same result. I started looking online for answers and my heart sank once I realized what I would need to do.

    ***You have been warned***

    I went into the shower, used liquid soap for lube, and started searching for obstructions with my fingers. Immediately I felt a hard mass which was impacted feces that had been clinging to my rectal walls for who knows how long. It had been there for so long that I didn't even realize it was there. I dug it out...and then felt another...and another...etc.

    Here is the thing about impacted feces: it is dead shit. It is completely solid with no moisture whatsoever, and it doesn't even stink. That was the craziest revelation of all to me. To say I was digging shit out of my ass would not entirely be accurate, they were almost like stones. The enema could not even dislodge them. I finally got them all out and the difference was night and day. Now I'm finished with my morning shit in a minute. I don't get bloated and I fart WAY less. My stomach got even flatter as well.

    This is what years of abusing one's body with alcohol and a horrible diet for many years gets you. Having to dig dead shit out of your ass.

    I was still flatlining a bit after I did this but I could just sense the energy moving freely down there. Now that my libido is back I feel horny in my anus as well as my genitals when I'm aroused. Yesterday I got an erection while meditating and I could feel pleasant sensations in my ass. Now part of my morning shower ritual is to quickly clean the inside of my ass with soapy fingers as preventive measures so that I never have to experience that again.

    Yes this is all TMI and I didn't enjoy sharing it but it changed my life immensely. Maybe this can help somebody else, who knows.

    Now that song by Faith No More is stuck in my head...Oh it's a dirty job but someone's gotta do it
     
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  3. @Don Quixote I was a child of the 80s so thankfully high speed internet porn was not available during my formative years. Actually I started masturbating at the age of four (probably earlier but that's as far back as I remember) as a coping mechanism due to growing up in an abusive household. It was a pure dopamine rush, this was before I even knew what sex was. I was addicted to prone masturbation and then a sex addict as an adult although oddly I never got hooked on porn. I would watch it for sure but I never had the compulsion to watch it. As stated earlier I attribute it to the fact that it was unavailable to me as a child so I grew up without it.

    I'm still not 100% sure what edging means. Every time I jerked off or had sex I would certainly try to delay orgasm as long as possible. But I never jerked purposefully to try to get near the point of no return and then stop only to repeat the process over and over.

    Amazingly I was still able to function sexually without problems up to the point when I quit drinking. I should point out that quitting cold turkey nearly killed me, this is how bad of an alcoholic I was while active in addiction. First I went through a good two weeks of withdrawal where I would be lucid in between horrible hallucinations and wonder if this was how I was going to die. After I had passed through the storm I was too weak and shellshocked to do much of anything. Quitting cold turkey was the first time in my life that I had taken a break from masturbation for a length of time and I had started flatline for the first time back then.

    At some point I noticed my dick wasn't working and feverishly burned through a ton of cash going to massage parlors and barely even getting hard, if I was able to get hard at all. This was when I connected the dots and started looking online for answers.

    As for your questions as it relates to brain function I must admit I've never given it that much thought. I'll try to explain as best as I can.

    The overarching symptom during PAWS was a specific type of headache which I call the dopamine headache. It is something I have only felt while going two rounds with PAWS. The way I describe it is that it feels like there is acid slowly eating away at whichever part of my brain is affected on a particular day. Sometimes it's a sharp pain through the top of the crown, other times a dull ache behind the eyes, sometimes a vicelike pressure on the third eye, sometimes left hemisphere, sometimes right hemisphere, sometimes the base, etc.

    I don't know if there is a correlation between subsequent symptoms and the particular part of the brain is aching (should have kept a detailed journal). But my theory is that whatever symptoms I would have on a particular day would be directly caused by the part of the brain that was aching. A big one was fatigue but it wasn't the type of fatigue one would normally have. My body itself never felt tired or restless. Rather at some point in the early afternoon my brain would start to shut down. Having covid as a cover during this whole ordeal helped me big time. While "working from home" I would have lunch and soon after hit the bed once I felt my brain shutting down. I'd wake up two or three hours later feeling completely drained as if I had just had the most intense physical workout ever.

    The easiest way to describe the effects of brain fog were my attempts at reading. I'd try to read something and it was almost like the words themselves were blurry. This wasn't an eyesight issue (although some days my eyes did have problems). My eyes could read the words legibly but my brain was registering them as being blurry. Which was a moot point anyways because I could only retain two sentences in my short term memory at a time. Therefore reading was pretty much a lost cause on days where I had brain fog.

    Thankfully I didn't suffer from anxiety/depression during this round of PAWS. Some days I was a little down but that is it. When I got sober from alcohol I was damn near suicidal until month 21 when it all passed. It's funny how I exited PAWS this time at month 20. For some reason this is how long my body seems to need. Both times I could tell beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was over, it was that sudden for me.

    If I were to describe the difference between how my brain feels structurally between then and now the best word I could come up with is that my brain feels calibrated again. Before the dopamine headaches would throw off the center of my brain's internal compass and it didn't feel like thoughts were passing through correctly. Now the headaches are gone, I've recalibrated, and thoughts are passing through my brain like clockwork. My brain feels CLEAN.

    Regarding your comment about the "thinking nubs" I can't really compare because I never put too much thought into this stuff before I dealt with PAWS. But I will say that when I meditate I can feel a tendril connecting from the backs of my eyes directly to my third eye. With certainty I can tell you that this is something I've never experienced before.

    I tried to type this out as fast I could so hopefully it's not too scatterbrained. Thank you for all of the contributions you have made to this community and I hope you recover quickly from covid.
     
  4. KaliYugaWarrior

    KaliYugaWarrior Fapstronaut

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    Don, did you ever take any supplements like vitamin d or anything?
     
  5. Dave G 123

    Dave G 123 Fapstronaut

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    Hi,

    I've had 2 doses of an mRNA vaccine. Felt rough for 24 hours after the first and that was it, but had zero problems after the second. Of course there could be some lingering problems that are covered up by the symptoms of PAWS, but I really don't think so, and I've been on the lookout. As @UWSDave says, you don't want to risk Long Covid on top of PAWS. That's something that I'm wary of because I'm so physically broken down by PAWS already, I'm not sure I'd survive!
     
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  6. Dave G 123

    Dave G 123 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for sharing. Man, there are so many parallels between our two stories it's spooky. I started MO'ing at the age of 4, and that's just for starters... although I haven't had any serious problems with alcohol, I do have problems with prescription drugs, which I am also currently trying to quit!

    Anyway, I got in to edging with porn big time at 11, and I would describe it as getting as close to orgasm as possible, then holding back for as long as possible, before the final release. During my teens I got in to the habit of going 30-40 minutes at a time, and carried on doing that, with or without porn, pretty much every day, multiple times a day until the age of 36, when the penny finally dropped. I am convinced that edging (or edging as I describe it here) is the reason I've been so badly affected. I know other people IRL who are probably as frequent in their use of porn as me who don't have any obvious health problems (unless you include depression), and I think edging explains the discrepancy. For me porn has only been a part of the problem - really, I've been addicted to orgasm.
     
  7. Seeking_the_answers

    Seeking_the_answers Fapstronaut

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    I've been having thoughts lately about what if I can't heal....I really need motivation and reassurance from you all, about how this healing process works and that anyone can heal if they stick to the process....
     
  8. I truly believe that this is the heart of the matter for everybody on this site and there is needless confusion because this fact is not acknowledged. Soft mode. Hard mode. Monk mode. Can I peek? Can I fantasize? Can I wash my penis in the shower? Should I take rhino pills? Should I see an escort? Does reading erotica make me lose progress? Does seeing girls wearing bikinis at the beach make me lose progress? On and on and on.

    We are addicted to orgasms. Period. It's easy to get addicted to orgasms because they feel fucking amazing.

    I respect the fact that everybody has their own goals and personal reasons for choosing this path. My only mantra from the beginning has been this: if you're a severe enough case that orgasm addiction is causing sexual dysfunction then you're better off practicing celibacy until your brain has a chance to heal. It's a message most people don't like to hear but I think deep down most people agree with.

    Not to derail this thread, just wanted to throw that out there.
     
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  9. Seeking_the_answers

    Seeking_the_answers Fapstronaut

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    Please someone I need to know....
     
  10. Diegomaradona10

    Diegomaradona10 Fapstronaut

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    I read a story of a man here on nofap who have ED during a period where pornography did nt exists yet. He was addicted to compulsive masturbation. I think pornografy sure cause an exhalation of genre to excitement but is so worse because cause compulsive masturbation /orgasm. I think it's the orgasm the real dependence of the worse case like me. I masturbate /orgasm 3/4/5 times a day for years.. So in this case orgasm is the real enemy to fight even in sex (karezza)
    Semen retention for me is the only way and don't watch pornography is the only way to don't release semen
     
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  11. Seeking_the_answers

    Seeking_the_answers Fapstronaut

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    I've been having thoughts lately about what if I can't heal....I really need motivation and reassurance from you all, about how this healing process works and that anyone can heal if they stick to the process....
     
  12. Seeking_the_answers

    Seeking_the_answers Fapstronaut

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    Did your withdrawal symptoms get better with time before you fully heal?
     
  13. Diegomaradona10

    Diegomaradona10 Fapstronaut

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    But it's possible to accelerate the process? If for example fasting increase neurogenesis such as meditation or some videoaudio... Neurogenesis is also correlated with neurotransmitters? So
     
  14. KaliYugaWarrior

    KaliYugaWarrior Fapstronaut

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    No I actually meant during your PAWS journey.
     
  15. KaliYugaWarrior

    KaliYugaWarrior Fapstronaut

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    Don't think so...let it pass. Eat healthy, look out for vitamin defeciencies, excercise as much as you can. No other way out.
     
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  16. Dave G 123

    Dave G 123 Fapstronaut

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    Realistically, you have two options:

    1) Carry on like you were before, and be guaranteed to have a sh*t life where your existing problems get worse.

    2) Put everything you can in to quitting, see improvements, and have a life that will at the very least be better than if you didn't try, and potentially fantastic.

    The bottom line is you've got nothing to loose (ie money, missed opportunities to live a good life) by quitting PMO. Your inner addict will tell you that you're missing the opportunity to get your rocks off, but that's it. It is difficult, and takes a long time, but improvement will happen if you put in the effort.
     
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  17. kumarach

    kumarach Fapstronaut

    think of it as a challenge rather than a withdrawal symptom,that's what i try to do,i try not keeping my brain idle,i haven't gotten to the paws stage but ik the craving factor. ik how bad the itch seems,the best thing that i think a person can do is GO ON A RUN. it helps the body get a rush of serotonin and dopamine through healthy sources plus,u don't have the time to think about the withdrawal which helps in a way,the more u think of it,the more it hurts u.i'm not a professional doc or a psychiatrist,but i'd be happy to share things that might hel anyone else.
    all the best.keep it up.
     
  18. winningover

    winningover Fapstronaut

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    Hello guys. This is just an update post from my side after about 02 months. I have entered into month#27 now without any relapse. On hardmode streak for 14 months now. I am still battling PAWS and have some more symptoms to report. Last 15 days have been really difficult for me because for some reason or the other, my symptoms have worsened. I had the first night panic attack ever during this journey. I had quite a few in the day since I started my reboot but never in the night during sleep. So this was a total new and quite intense. Further, I also sometimes feel a weakening connection between my mind and muscles. This is also something totally new. This is all dopamine related as far as I checked since dopamine plays a key role in mind-muscle coordination and connection. Further, crippling fatigue is also directly linked to dopamine and other chemicals working inside our brain.

    I had my covid vaccine a month ago and I do think that my additional symptoms are somehow related to vaccine. I could be wrong but I am just sharing what I feel. I think when you are going through PAWS, there is a very high chance of having more side effects of vaccine as compared to when your body is normal. My blood pressure shot quite high within 30 mins of my vaccine injection and I needed to stay for around 02 hours in hospital in case my condition worsened. I was literally on bed for 02 consecutive days and it was only on third day where I got some energy to start work from home. I got covid in December and just had a mild fever for a day, nothing else. I was going through PAWS at that time as well but covid didn't do anything to me thankfully but covid vaccine has been quite the opposite. I am not in anyway advocating against vaccine but just sharing my feelings regarding vaccination during PAWS. If i get the time back, I would never get vaccinated for now.

    On to the positives now. My erection is rock solid. My PIED is completely gone. I don't enter into flatlines at all now. My social anxiety is improving but not perfect for sure. I still feel anxiety but not to the point of panic attack or to the point where I just exit social setting. My memory has improved significantly. I can almost say that it is to the pre-reboot level. My fight-flight response is getting better although it still has a long way to go.

    My wife is still not willing to come back. We are separated for 05 months now. It all happened because of my hardmode. I had no option but to do hardmode. I guess it was too much for her because we couldn't have sex for 01 year after my marriage because of PIED. When I cured my PIED after reboot, we started having regular sex but PAWS were killing me inside out. Therefore, I had to resort to hardmode. My wife literally ran out of patience and left. I do not blame her. We have a beautiful daughter as well which was my biggest gift from God after leaving porn.

    Add to the mix is this girl who knows both me and wife and knows that we are separated. She has somehow developed this huge crush on me and is after me for last 03 months to have a dinner. I kept her at bay but couldn't take it anymore after I had my first night panic attack last week. I called her up after and said that I am wiling to go with her. We did go and she was looking gorgeous. I had a rock solid boner on and off for at least 2-3 hours just seeing her. 14 months hardmode can really turn any woman into a queen for you but she is not just any woman. She has the looks for sure. After dinner, we went back into car and started kissing. We kissed each other for about 10 mins and I had an orgasm just by kissing her for this much time. She didn't touch me there at all neither did I. We stopped after my orgasm and I felt some guilt because I am still married. I dropped her after and felt rock solid boner again after approx. 15 mins of my orgasm. I don't know if my hardmode streak is broken now. I never intended to break it though. And I never had the faintest of idea that I would get such a strong response from my buddy down their.
     
  19. wfcasdvwervdsv

    wfcasdvwervdsv Fapstronaut

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    Sounds like your libido is in full force now! What month into the streak did it come back?
     
  20. KaliYugaWarrior

    KaliYugaWarrior Fapstronaut

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    Dude I'm so sensitive, I can't even hug any girl. Forget kissing. I would instantly have jizz in my pants if I do so. Hence I've decided to stay away from any dating or even friendship scenarios until I'm sorted.
     
    Dave G 123 likes this.

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