P.A.W.S. - what are they, cure, duration

Hey thanks for the reply, I just recently turned 30 so we around the same amount of time of addiction. I don't think I dealt with PIED though, as at most in my addiction was one a day. Just a lot of edging near the end of my addiction, prior to completion which was a huge mistake.

Thanks man! It's really no worries. It's the cost to get better and truly, the symptoms are not debilitating as they were at the beginning, now its different. I can actually function for the most part. It's just tweaking out the stress/anxiety aspect now. With patience, I know things will get better over time.

Thank you Dave! I'm glad it provided some motivation. Yeah the exercise piece was such a surprise, but I guess it makes sense as our cortisol levels were already jacked up as is, so by going to intensively it increases cortisol even more and it derails sleep even more. I think at very beginning the best bet is to go with low intensity. Perhaps even just starting with stretching and walking for a time. If you keep at it gradually you will see improvement.

You as well, keep strong!

 

I think one crucial point regarding sex is the following: don’t immediately jump back into the pool of feel well hormones once you are out of PAWS. There is a lot of motivation to do so as your reward system is fully functional again. Instead take your time to rebuild new pathways as your symptoms fade away and strengthen those pathways by repeating positive behaviour and reinforcing a certain positive mindset. Start to build a good life routine and things that make you happy. Do this for some time. And your overall constitution and well being will be much more resilient.

When PAWS ends you are still fragile at first as your brain has adapt to that new reality. People will be attracted towards you as you gain back your self confidence. Mentally prepare for the time after PAWS, at least that’s what I’m doing.

Give yourself time before having sex and if you want to avoid falling back into the flatline I highly recommend only having sex with a woman that you truly love. This changes a lot about the neediness and motivation why you are actually sleeping with a woman. I don’t think random hook up sex with different girls is healthy and good for a person and I haven’t met anyone in all my years that is truly happy by living such a life.

 

This makes me wonder if there are different chemical processes in play when comparing sex with someone you love vs PMO (or casual sex where no feelings are involved). If so, it could have implications for recovery. Maybe sex with love is either a healing thing or at least much less damaging to someone in recovery, than PMO / casual sex? This matters to me because although I am committed to quitting PMO, and have never enjoyed casual sex, I do want the good stuff at some point in the future. I don't want to be 100% celibate forever... although that would be way better than more of what I'm going through now.

 

Yes there is completely different chemicals involved in sex. Sex releases oxytocin (love making chemical) whereas pmo does not. Sex also involved skin to skin contact rather than just your own hand.

 

Not that old

 

Hello all....

I'm around 290+ days without PM.I am married and 36 years old.I had addiction of MO, then PMO around 19 years and I'm among some of worst cases of long timers.In these 290+ days I never relapsed and it's the genuine and real reboot which I'm doing.I had ejaculations only in two conditions one- due to wet dreams & second - trying to rewire with my wife for a normal sex.Till past November I failed to have proper sex coz I had PIED & PE and any ejaculation will lead me to severe withdrawals.Afterwards ,I stopped indulging in sex and it's very difficult being a married person.

I want to ask specially from long term rebooters who has crossed the line and were married or were in relationship during their recovery.i don't know all but some like @winningover , @DerJogge,@zander13 whose accounts have read on this forum. Tagging you guys to get some answers on this.

Till now I'm finding it very difficult and scared to have or initiate sex in a worry that I'll again have ED and PE and post ejaculation, I'll hit hard by PAWS.Its a really tough and awakward situation for me and I really don't know how to go about it.

Pls.help as I'm at cross road and unable to decide the way.This I'm asking coz I don't want to mess up with my married life anymore.My wife is very supportive during all these days but without sex for so long this is turning bad between us.she doesn't complain but I can understand it.

Question is-
Do we continue to have minimum sex(say once a month) to rewire ourselves for what a normal sex and intimacy is?? And is it help or make things tough for faster recovery?


Thanks.

 

Hi. So I’m married I have somewhere around 740 days in and still have some symptoms. I think that qualifies me as a long term rebooter. I have had sex with my wife the entire time. I’d say over the past 2 years I’ve had way more sex than at any other point in my entire life while simultaneously having the fewest Os. My top priority is to protect my marriage. I get hit with symptoms pretty hard about every 4 days after sex. They usually last a couple of days to a couple of weeks and they suck. However I am getting better. I’m having bigger windows of time symptom free. It may take me a lot longer and my road may be a lot rougher, but my wife did not ask for any of this and my guess is neither did yours. I know almost everyone is all about retention here and I respect the hell out of that path. I simply just don’t see it as an option for me. I made promises to someone and then spent my entire marriage not keeping them. If I have to suffer a bit more to keep them now then that’s what I’m going to do.

 

Thank you for this, it's very helpful.

I have a problem with alcohol and cocaine and crazy sex. I am completely tee-total during streaks, but when I relapse it alwasy leads back to alcohol, drugs and kinky kinky sex, within millseconds. Its so deflating, I just can't seem to break free, but I also didn't fully recover from PAWS, and have a general underlying stress and anxiety constantly. I constantly feel like shit

Compare this to me early to mid 20s (34 now) I was pretty much tee-total, and any sex or masturbation, I have almost instant refractory period

I need to get on a proper streak, its nearly 3 years since I found nofap, and it's fucking demotivating and depressing I could need to do an 18-24 month streak at this point

 

100% every time I date or have sex It kills me, but its like a double bind, dammed if you do and dammed if you dont.

And we have literally 0 stories of anyone recovering and having a healthy sex life, are we now celibate for the rest of our lives (im 34, kind daunting)

 

In my experience there is no 'rewiring', all sexual activity is detrimental during recovery, and I've tested this several times in several ways.

We all know deep down, we are severely broken, and we have to just go all the way to full recovery, and the fastest way is full abstinence for 1-2 years for most of us, until the day you know your healed.

Everyone that heals almost always posts one day, you wake up and your completely healed, and you know. You naturally enjoy life again, mood is high, sleep is high, stress management natural high, anxiety naturally low, back to normal

 

I agree with this. Any time I try to have sex with my wife it takes me back down the PAWS pathway. Even a wet dream takes me backwards. We have done more damage than we realize, but the only way to get out of this mess is one hour at a time. One day at a time. One week at a time. I do think it gets better. Does it go back to perfect? I’m not sure how it can. I pray that it does but I’m just not sure. I just want to have a quality of life back.

 

To me you're not that severe if you can date or have sex. A severe rebooter, this thought is not even crossing his mind due to massive brain fog and other couple paws symptoms.

 

Youd be suprised, Ill give you an example, I went on a date the other night - I had to take 1 valium, 1 proponal and ketamine, ad 1/4 bottle of rum to get to the date, and on the way there I really didn't feel good, felt like I could die at any moment - like literally felt that I was going to pass out, then ended up taking cocaine and ecstacy and having a threesome - where I had to take viagra, but still kept losing my erection

I cant always get an erection without viagra, Im pretty severe, and I don't date much, this was my 4th date in over a year, and 3rd time having sex. Well one time a few weeks ago I had sex 4 times in the night and morning, and that many orgasms left me ill for 2-3 days, like literally ill as fuck,

 

That is a lot of drugs to go on a date. Its also a lot of pressure to put on yourself during a reboot. Why not wait things out and try to embrace a clean reboot for a quicker and healthier recovery?

1 year into my reboot, I remember trying to use Viagra multiple times while dating a girl and failing miserably each time. My body was blatantly telling me that it wasn't ready and the best thing I did was listen to it. 18 months on, and Viagra now works just fine, but I now wonder whether it is worth using?

4 dates in the space of a year while recovering from severe PIED is a fair amount in my own opinion. Severe PIED saw to it that I did not date for months out of fear of not being able to perform. If you are a severe case, the best thing you can do is wait things out. Forcing yourself to date when you are not ready is likely to do more bad than good.

 

I don't see how y'all can date while rebooting. I wish I could too but it's like my lower body part is disconnected from my brain. Penis is broken, gum in teeth, constipation, constant cracking noises in joints and lower back etc... I think my system is unrewiring to rewire.
And it's worrying the fact I'm 7 years on nofap.

 

Thanks @Monkeyboyab2c for taking time for me and replying.
It'll help me certainly.I too want to save my marriage and my wife has immensely supported me till date.
I think my ED is the main problem.I get morning wood, erections, while caressing too I get erection bt as soon as I think or try for sex it'll come and I'll lose erection.And after that I feel exhausted to even try for another.
This addiction has taken out a lot from me.Its like living in hell but this time I'll beat it.

Thanks.wish you full recovery and a pleasent life.

 

That's the exact problem I'm going through man.
but many rebooters who recovered and doctors say that rewiring is also important for those who don't had any experience of sex before starting this addiction.
And I'm one of those.its tough and there is no definite way.eveyone has to chose and walk till the end.
It's good that recovery is possible.

 

@Freeddom_Taker I can 100% relate to how you feel. There have been many times where I have sat in this forum and read about people going on 96 dates in a single week and wondered why I am so behind. The truth is that I only recently decided to attempt to date after 2.5 years recovery, as a way to understand how far along I am with my reboot. After 2-3 dates I realised that while I am making good headway on recovery, I still need more time. With that being said, I have decided to cut my dating streak and go back into monk mode at least for another 3-4 months.

If its of any help, I only recently (5-6 weeks ago) stopped experiencing constipation and back pain and as of this moment I still experience cracking joints.

A final note; 7 years is an extremely long time to still be in PAWS, maybe too long? Are there any lifestyle choices that could be affecting your progress?

 

Yeah in my previous lifestyle I was like Charlie Sheen, so really for me that standard, or not that much lol

It's the 3rd time Ive taken cocaine in 3 years.

It isn't a conscious choice, I met a girl who looks like a supermodel and acts like a pornstar, and she wanted to have a crazy time, and I wasnt strong enough to resist. I had what for most young men would be a dream evening, had the craziest sex with extremely attractive females

The problem is you always end up right back where you started but with tax, and I started in PAWS, Im now back in PAWS, and I still need to do a streeak

I can today go monk mode again, but I can't seem to get past 30-60 days anymore, I start to feel better and just think fuck it I want to live life.

I need to get a proper streak going but its so hard to find the motivation after this long. I already did almost 18 months of streaks, then another 4 months etc etc and still never healed

 

7 years on and off nofap. I have done a lot short streaks such as 30 and 60 days plus 16mo harmode as the longest. Each time I start getting betting, I PMO and that set me back big time.

Anyway the reboot give me Alzheimer's and Parkinson's type symptoms. And a lot of suicidal thoughts recently.