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Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Fenix Rising, May 12, 2019.
I don't think so. Maybe I edged like once by accident.
Ok, I meant more like: how long was your session?
It was real short. My dick was so sensitive that I cummed in a matter of seconds.
I wish I could exercise more heavily, a 30 minute walk is often times too much for me after a relapse. Usually it takes me about three weeks to get into a state that I have the energy and brain capacity to read more than two pages of a book or walk for more than 20 minutes. My brain is just totally exhausted from everything, even by writing this post and reading one page of this thread feels like a marathon. It's like some sort of super exhaustion and I have a proper diet and regular sleep and all. That's why I've pretty much avoided this forum for the last few months as it took too much of my mental strength to read through the posts so that I could just get through the day somewhat. And it's all related to PMO, I think o itself is more detrimental. I can pinpoint almost exactly when I start to feel better depending on the amount of PMO or just O and how often I've done it in the past month or so.
EDIT: I should add that any sort of sexual stimulus adds to the exhaustion and dizziness effect, be it a half-naked woman on TV or sexual thoughts. My erections are also directly related to it, they come back after the exhaustion and super brainfog wears off.
You seem to be experiencing exactly what I am, except I can only sleep with the aid of medication. It is a living nightmare.
I'd like to learn new things, study more and generally just do more stuff in life but I'm just too exhausted and dizzy to do so. Even my lifelong passion for videogames is mostly gone as I don't have the mental capacity to play them. What is even more sad that after all this my brain still wants to get its dopamine fix as soon as I get even slightly better and the cycle repeats. You'd think that after all this I'd have learned my lesson but I guess the low IQ syndrome further fuels the relapse progress.
What's going on man???
Happened to me as well where I pmoed heavily twice. Last one was 3 days ago. And have my progress delayed....
Not much, the relapse cycles are almost copies of each other. I get just a tad bit better nearing the three week mark and usually relapse around that time. Then with the last bit of energy I PMO or MO quickly again a day or two later after the first relapse since the dopamine is still running in my system. It takes three days for the dopamine to "cool off" in my head if I manage to resist the second relapse. After that it's trying to recover from the exhaustion and dizziness but only time will help. I'm not going to use a counter anymore since I already know when I've relapsed and knowing roughly where I'm at is better than counting the days.
I'm sad to hear about your relapse but you know where that stuff will lead you. It only takes one peek for you to relapse. The moment you peek, you've already lost the battle since you've given your body a permission to look at P or P-subs. You don't want to go back to your old self, leave it behind. Once you make the decision to stay free and be the person you've always wanted to be, stick to it. It may feel like crap after a relapse, but every single day counts. Every single day is valuable as life is the most precious gift that is given to us so you should value every day, no matter how bad you feel now. Every day you should make the decision to stay free and welcome the new day with happiness that is coming from yourself, not from some materialistic or other person.
Just wanted to post another update guys if any of you are interested.
It seems that this month for me has seen some marked improvements. I have had morning wood most days this month, which is a great sign. I am sleeping a lot better and waking up a lot better. I'm feeling generally more optimistic throughout most of the day. Depression has barely been there at all this month, social anxiety has been much easier for me to manage. I'm finding my daily tasks a lot easier to manage as well, now it doesn't feel like i'm climbing a mountain to try to get things done. Honestly before i was barely motivated to get out of bed, everything i did was forced and work was a nightmare. Coffee also gives me more of a boost in the mornings too. Im finding that i dont need to have naps these days as much because im not as exhausted.
As i said before i'm feeling pretty optimistic in general, but that might just be because I've had these improvements for a decent period of time now.
I have also had 3 or 4 wet dreams recently and they seem to have had no impact on my improvements, nor have they sent me back into a flat line, though i think i need to give it more time to find out.
There are still symptoms that im struggling with, though they feel now more manageable than ever. Social anxiety is still there but improving, though it increases late at night (same with fatigue). I still feel kind of wired/stressed out all the time. I still have brain fog, concentration problems and slow thinking. Ear ringing due to the stress and vision problems. Shortness of breath from time to time. Mood swings and numbed emotions, these still change a lot.
Thats about all i can think of right now. Im at just over 11.5 months. I would like to add also that ive had minimal improvements before 11 months. Months 8 - 11 were extremely dark times for me and i thought i was never going to improve. I had lost hope during that time as i was struggling through each day, so its really nice to be having some sort of break from these symptoms.
Day 106 Hardmode
I deffo turned a corner on day 100. I’m unsure if u can attribute it to Nofap completely.
I’ve lost the zombie lifeless anxious mess who couldn’t get out of bed.
in the matter of a few dats I’m motivated exercising grooming socialising optimistic.
still got poor erections no morning wood tinnitus no libido. But I couldn’t care tbh just feels so good to have some life in me after months of feeling disabled.
had a girl over the other night. Got pretty hard kissing and touching her. Had a little sex but I could tell I was gonna come quickly and i don’t want to do that atm. No libido really but it was encouraging. she’s pretty cool and I told her about it all. So hopefully I can just do regular rewiring with her And see if my functions improve.
Day 98 and i still get them.
I feel great one day and like shit the next.
4 months hard mode today. Have several 4-5 month streaks without binges. Anhedonia, social anxiety, depression, looking dead in the eyes, brain fog, etc. Im litterally suicidal, if i didnt have hope that it could be PAWS and i will get better i would not be here right now. I experienced all the great benefits before PAWS hit so thats why i actually think its still just PAWS. Is there any sucess stories out here? If so please do share..
The only way to break the cycle is to stop masturbating. You don't have to wait three days to make that choice.
P and Psubs do nothing if you choose to not masturbate.
Inspiring stuff man. I'm following your journey closely man, I'm 2 months behind you and am using you as a scout of sorts. Glad you're seeing some light at the end of the tunnel.
Im happy to be helping others out. I had lost hope for a few months because symptoms were largely unchanged for the majority of my recovery. I think it was @Don Quixote who gave me a little bit of hope with his 20 month post when i was feeling pretty low.
I am seeing some light, but the path of progression is still unclear. This whole month has been pretty decent. I have had way more ok/good days this month than bad. This has never happened to me before. Im also feeling a lot more optimistic and positive each day, though this could be because i am finally seeing improvements. I don't have to nap during the day (most days) to fight off fatigue or exhaustion. Im sleeping better and my morning wood has been a constant this whole month, especially strong this morning. I am able to get much more done with my time now as im a lot more productive, im finding everyday jobs much easier to manage. Im still getting some pretty bad days and every time i do i think im about to go back into the dreaded flatline for weeks at a time, but these are only lasting 1 or 2 or even hours and then i feel better.
The only thing to do is to keep holding on because you never know when you will turn a corner. I will hit my 1 year mark on my birthday, so there is something to celebrate.
Day 113. I had a Really good week From 100 and since then I’ve slumped. Have been trying to work out why. Was it the alcohol I drank, was it that I’ve been edging during sex two time’s? Was it my return to work... Or is it just flatline returning. It was the longest good window I’ve had, usually only lasts a day but I felt good for several.
I’m not as bad as I was before. My main symptom is physical exhaustion and tiredness. Tinnitus is louder and constant. Lost most of motivation. Slowly spending more time in bed and isolating again.
my voice is noticeably deeper, especially in the mornings at the minute.
frustrating I was doing really well and looking forward to future. Then for no Apparent reason I’ve just sunk right back down.
So almost at 17months, with two isolated relapses (no binging, and 2nd relapse was sex and MO).
It's almost 3 weeks since last relapse, and in a pretty hard flatline, although mainly just anxiety/stress, and the brain throbbing. I had for the first time a shortness of breathe and anxiety when faced with a semi-intense convo, Ive not had this type of anxiety in 6 months or so, indicating CNS stress and damage from last relapse. It's completely nuts how semi-intense convos are sending me into sheer panic, maybe its karma; 5 years ago I could have public debates, and now I get panic when having to speak 121.
I genuinely believe im one of the worst cases, I've had a continuous 24/7 daily brain throbbing for nearly 17 months now. Life is manageable you kind of just get used to everything.
Still optimistic within the next 3-6 months things will change for me, just my intuition on my journey. Will keep checking in to give you guys updates. Currently rocking monk mode again.
I can only say extreme monk mode is the best most holistic way for me. If you give in just 1% it just subconsciously creeps up on you month by month, you really do have to go the whole 9 yards. Over the past 17 months I've had monk mode streaks of 8months and 5 months or there abouts, and they were mentally the most peaceful parts of my journey.
You have to be militant; no insta, you have to ignore girls who msg you, as it will eventually lead to sex thoughts and fantasy in my case, and just let go of all lust for the opposite sex in everyway
Ill keep you all updated on my journey, my theory is there is a micro and macro element to this recovery, and small relapses only effect the micro conditions (temporary anxiety stress etc), and only slightly increase the macro (overall recovery goes form 18 months to 19 months for example). This will be a good test, as Im 3 weeks from last relapse, and by the time I get to 90 days Ill be around 18.5months in, and we can see the rate of progression/recovery over the next 9 weeks.
Just want to note Ive not had erections in 6-8 months. Thats what kind of caused my last relapse, just despair of not knowing a way out
It really depends on where your symptoms are coming from. It sounds like they are coming from PMO still. The tinnitus you are experiencing is from stress, though it could also be unrelated to PMO.
Definitely stay away from edging if you can, especially to pornography.
Hang in there.
Was your relapse with P or without P?
I have had the shortness of breath and extreme anxiety all throughout my reboot. It is still there and it is a horror to deal with.
I had the exhaustion, lack of motivation, social anxiety, depression and most of the other symptoms well before i even started nofap. For me the flatline kicked in very early on in my addiction so it has lasted 8 + years at this point. Right before i found nofap i was at my worst. I didnt have PIED, but i did have all of the withdrawal symptoms common on here now. At my most desperate point in life i found nofap and finally everything clicked. I saw multiple doctors and spent thousands of dollars trying to find what the cause for my symptoms were and everything checked out fine, so i took matters into my own hands and here we are. After a week or two on nofap my symptoms got significantly worse and thats when i was introduced to depression and man was it rough. Physical withdrawals were brutal and i had all the common withdrawals mentioned plus even more that i had not seen before. My first year was full of relapse and relapses just seemed to make my withdrawal more painful and even longer. I started to get longer streaks, but relapses after a long streak made my withdrawal even worse again. That brings me to where im at today. Ive never been out of the flatline/withdrawal (coming up to 4 years since i found nofap), except maybe for a few days over the last 4 years. Except now where it feels like my flatline semi-ended this month, though i don't know what that means for my remaining symptoms.
I believe most of us on this post are the 1% of rebooters who have had the roughest time. We are the 1% of the 1% as i like to think of it.
I agree with you that social media is a big no, especially within the first 6 months i would say. our brains are so sensitive in those initial stages that it is very difficult to just overcome a triggering image.
There is a way out my friend you just have to keep hanging in there. If we do the right things then eventually we will see results. Stay away from P at all costs
I've followed this thread closely for a while, and it's a great reference where longterm symptoms are still present. Some people in the PAWS threads are virtually recovered, while others are still struggling with various symptoms (despite long term abstinence). With respect to my own situation, from a near daily habit in my teens and 20's I've gradually tapered off my porn use, and fortunately haven't touched it in nearly a year and a half. While I do still experience symptoms they have lessened a lot.
For my own reference I've rated below my various symptoms on a 1 to 10 basis (10 being worst), contrasting how I was at the peak of my porn use / suffering, and how I am now. Progress is sometimes very slow and it can be difficult to identify improvements in our lives. I've done this in the hope that it demonstrates that I / we are on the right path. My life is not perfect but you can definitely see a fairly dramatic change in most areas. It hopefully also acts as concrete proof re the veracity of Nofap.
The categories listed seem to be common to everyone who has had a problem with porn / giving it up.
Anhedonia. Before 8. Now 3.
General anxiety. Before 9. Now 4.
Social anxiety. Before 10. Now 2.
Anxiety talking to women. Before 9. Now 0.
Anger. Before 10. Now 3.
Depression. Before 7. Now 2.
Lustful thoughts. Before 8. Now 2.
Hypochondria. Before 9. Now 3.
Racing thoughts. Before 9. Now 3.
I guess these are all subject to change depending on what life throws at me, but I would say they are a fairly accurate baseline representation.
One caveat. I don't think that giving up porn, lust and masturbation are the sole cause of these improvements. I've made many other changes which have helped. I do however believe that being free of porn is integral to mental, spiritual emotional wellbeing and I wouldn't have seen these improvements by making lots of other lifestyle changes while retaining a porn habit.