P.A.W.S. - what are they, cure, duration

Just over 9 months (277 days). All monk mode.

 

Were you an hardcore and severe addict?

If so, 277 days may not be enough for recovery.

 

Hey guys. I like the community you share here at this thread. I will now try to visit here on a daily basis. Im a fellow PAWS-sufferer. Been at it for years, but relapsed so many times and reset the counter and progress. I am tho on a proper streak/journey since March, with a couple of mild relapses (no binges). I have peeked some clips these past days, that must be said. Its been a few scrappy battles with the devil in my mind, but I deem myself the victor as I didn't completely succumb; I didn't relapse fully.
The strong urges to watch Pron these last days is most likely a sign of progress. I can add that I have also experienced some morning erections plus some random, spontaneous ones - surely a sign of progress? I have also experienced days last week where I didn't feel completely DEAD - also a sign in my book.

I am now sitting alone in the apartment I rent. My fellow student-roomies have travelled home for Christmas; I have not - nor will I. I have no contact with my family, nor do I feel any love for them anymore. I do have love for my mother, but the whole situation is just fucked up. I am not going home for Christmas, thats for damn sure. Dont know exactly what to do tho..stay here in a now abandoned college-city completely alone? Shall I find a cabin to rent for a few days, and try to enjoy some time alone in the mountains? I dont know man.. Im indecisive and a bit anxious about it all. I am yet to inform my mother of my absence of this years Christmas too. I might have to come up with a lie.. The social pressure of coming home is so ridiculously high. Friends are asking when Im coming home, family is expecting a homecoming.. all because thats how it goes right?

Anyways, I look forward to connecting with you all. I will for sure face difficulty of urges these coming days. Thats one more difficult part of this journey - we basically go months without any urges, nor any sense of sexuality - and then all of a sudden the brain and stomach is filled with strong urges to ''JUST WATCH SOME CLIPS..COME ON'' - and we are not prepared, nor are we used to these feelings.. Its hard man.

 

Hello mate,

Here is my advice for how to stop relapsing:

-You have to come to a point where you understand that you can never again use artificial stimuli in your life. No porn, no sexy videos, pictures or softcore stuff either. Real or no deal.

-For myself to look at any type of porn at this stage would be like saying that I want to give up my future, and sacrifice many priceless years of my life for a few seconds of excitement. Obviously I am not going to do that. If you think about all your plans and goals for life, porn is the opposite.

-For any of this to work, you have to create a meaningful life for yourself. I know its easier said than done, but just take one step at a time. I myself have picked up new hobbies like rock climbing indoors, drawing, playing the guitar etc. I know when you feel like shit because of PAWS you can have 0 motivation, but if you give yourself a little push it will usually be well worth it.

Once you have the right mindset, the next step is to try to make your life with technology easier. Delete useless apps, and use the necessary ones with some thought. On my computer which I dont use alot I have an app called wizmage image hider, and an adblock. This just makes life a bit easier for me. I dont use any software to block porn sites, if I really wanted to relapse I would find a way.

-Know that in this modern world triggers are always going to pop up and try to f up your day. We have to learn to ignore them, because they only become big problems if you let them.

If you stay on the right path, recovery might be just around the corner. But if you let your addiction win, it might be years away...

 

Bro, that is excellent advise. I do have big plans for the future and 2021, and as you said, a relapse would kill this future. This fear is essential.

Hobbies will for sure be hard to find this holiday.. I am however a very talented soccer player, but I haven't played since august now.. Maybe I should get myself out and practice again. I do, still at the age of 23, have dreams of making it pro.. I was always dubbed to go far, but this addiction and its withdrawals has simply made it impossible.

I fully agree on the software blockers - they simply do not work, the brain always finds a way to bypass them. A couple of years ago I would swear that I NEEDED an optimal blocker for this journey to work out. The big mistake of such a mindset is that I am basically telling myself that I am not in control; that this journey is simply impossible. Not a great mindset to have.

Thank you for your reply and excellent advise, friend.

 

This perfectly describes the way the coming and going of waves works for me. Sometimes there is some dopamine credit building up over the first few hours ob the day and then I feel really great all of a sudden and I start to do all kinds of shit like producing music or getting things down and in the midst of all this my brain is just like switching off everything positive again. This also can go for days before it's switching back. But I never experienced this form of natural motivation and feeling of getting things done before so I feel like this might be were the journey is going. I would go another 2 years of P.A.W.S if this is what true healing would be like for the rest of my life! I'm dead serious. I'm filled with joy thinking about the days that lie in front of us. Sure there will be not so good days and bad life events but man just living symptom free would make me jump around like a lil child again.

 

I know man. Just feeling normal again would be a true Godsend. If I ever get to be normal again I'll never take it for granted like I did before. I'm guessing that I've got another year or more of this shit in front of me. Hopefully it gets easier as it goes. I'm still only at 9 months so I'm clinging to any glimpses of identifiable progress. Lets hope for a good weekend!

 

After a 7-10 day hiatus (for the most part, still had symptoms but I could function, actually wanted to clean my place and be with people), I have returned to the dark ages. It's as if I was Rome, and the barbarians burned me to the ground and I'm back to living in mud and squalor.

Fuck boys. I still have a ways to go. I hope this shit period isn't as bad as the last one.

 

Thumbs up for saying "mud and squalor"

 

Everyone doing ok lately?

 

14 months on the 23rd. Today was fucking brutal man. Symptoms kept me up for more than 24 hours. Literally could not get my brain to sleep (you guys know what I mean). Hope better days are ahead, I'm tired of having my sleep be all fucked up.

 

insomnia or any sleeping disturbances is expected my friend

 

Feel for you, brother. Better days are coming!

 

Merry Christmas to you all!! Hope God is serving you with some sense of joy and pleasure today. I am currently ''celebrating'' Christmas by myself in a lovely cabin in the mountains. Im glad I took this brave choice of a healing holiday by myself. Anyways, I the holiday serves you well. We shall heal!

 

Merry Christmas!!

 

May have figured out the pattern in a deeper way. I've been keeping an excel document to track things the past couple weeks and have been using forum posts (on another site I use as a journal) from the past 2 months to try and figure out some patterns. I have a few hypotheses for the coming days and I'm very curious to see whether or not I can predict what's going to happen next. It'd be really nice to be able to have an idea of where I'm at on the spectrum.

I can say with almost one hundred percent certainty that my worst days are behind me. Never will I feel as bad as I once have. It's like I already made it to the top of the mountain, and now I'm headed back down the other side. It's really fucking nice knowing that things will no longer get worse. That was a scary period--when the pain was climbing as opposed to lessening. Fucking hell man.

There are a lot of things I should be thankful for--things are slowly, slowly improving, as much as I hate to say it. I'll still have some topsy-turvy days and periods of brief (hellish) agony, but the thought that I'm on the downswing is enough to get me through. And if I can have a rough timeline to plan for the ultra shitty days, then maybe they'll be a little more tolerable.

This is my biggest prediction--in a month's time, on the nose, I'll be feeling better than I perhaps ever have before (as an adult, of course). By Springtime, who fucking knows. Maybe I won't have to post on this forum as much and I'll be living a fucking life.

Merry Christmas Eve.

 

Im currently on a good monk mode streak, and feeling determined and hopeful. After my 10 week madness during COVID lockdown of dating, sex and MO - I feel like I'm out the other side, I really hope others can learn from my experiences. What a crazy few years this has been, thank you to everyone who has posted and shared their journey.

I can feel subtle parts of my psyche rebuilding week by week, perspectives, thought patterns, attitudes that I used to have 4-5 years ago are coming back online. PAWS is such a complex, multi dimensional assault on every element of our being, it's really hard to grasp exactly how much effect it has had, and in which ways. It's really the most insane experience I ever had, and such a wake up call. I just hope to make it through to the end goal - by hook or by crook.

Everyone here reading or posting, is going to make a full recovery; I truly believe that. Being in this community, on these boards, is such a crucial and important part of conquering this disease, and I'm thankful to have found you. I honestly have no idea what I would have done without NoFap, I don't think I would have ever figured out how to do this - I'm extremely grateful.

Happy Christmas to all

 

Merry Christmas everyone!

 

Merry Christmas everyone! Tomorrow will be two months of hardmode for me, which I’m both sorry and happy to say is my longest streak ever. A long way to go, but I’m so grateful to have found this thread: not only because it helped me make sense of my symptoms but because it showed me that the way out is both simpler and more arduous than I could have imagined. Onward to 2021!

 

Start from the beginning and read from there. Merry Christmas.