P at work got me suspended...

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by SpacePunk, Aug 27, 2021.

  1. SpacePunk

    SpacePunk Fapstronaut

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    Hello everyone.

    Before I get into the thread I should give some context on who I am and why it matters.
    I don't use this forum as much as I want to but my addiction goes back as far back as the age of 11. I'm now 23. I've been trying to quit for years but no luck. Obviously, it's stunted my growth as a person. I'm a late bloomer to everything in my life. The root of my P addiction comes from a traumatic event that happened when I was 11 and P basically hijacked my brain to make me feel wanted in a time where I felt unwanted. Since then it's never shifted. I recently became a Christian which is more incentive to quit as it's a sin and it affects both myself, my relationship with my future wife, and my relationship with God.

    On to the main problem. I work in a school as an IT Apprentice. I've been trying to get one for over a year but I managed to get it. The school I work at isn't great. It's considered the "bad school" but it's in a trust of schools so I was forced to go there even though it's not what I asked for. I was very frustrated over many weeks but I was doing well on NoFap. During the summer break when I was working, I was in a classroom on my own working on the computers in there and the urge hits me. I'm on my work laptop which doesn't have all the software I have that I put on my personal laptop to guard me against P. So I looked at some P for about 20 seconds and then shut it off. I knew I screwed up real bad.
    A couple of weeks later I get called into work after my week of study I do every month. My boss said he needed my help. At this point, I started my summer break for 3 weeks. I meet with my boss and a HR lady. I was preparing to y'know help around the school. But my boss tells me dead on "we detected that on your work laptop there was inappropriate content" my heart sank. They detected it with Esafe which is basically spyware on all PCs belonging to the school. Of course, I denied it, it's not like I could admit it. They took my laptop for "investigation" which sent my anxiety through the roof. I had to wait a day for their "results" and yep they found what I looked at a few weeks prior but not quite. I did admit in a meeting with the head of HR and head of Operations which basically had to judge if I would be suspended. They didn't see what I looked at as I removed the history and I use Oprea which is quite secure. I told them about my addiction and why it happened. In their final judgment, they suspended me for an indefinite amount of time with a medical referral.
    I have a phone meeting on the 7th with a doctor and an in-person meeting with the headteacher on the 10th. I was expecting them to say "don't do it again" and let me go but no they were very strict.
    All this has caused my addiction to get worse as it's made anxiety much more erratic as I don't want to lose my apprenticeship because I'm doing so well. I'm hoping that they can make me a little better as it's gone as far as to interrupt my work.

    I might update you guys on this story but let me know if you guys would like to know how it goes.
    If anyone has advice or anything let me know.
    If you like to call me an idiot for this dumb mistake, you can do that too.

    Thanks, for reading.


    Update: I had a call from the doctor they referred me too. Basically they're going to get me in contact with a counselor. I have a meeting with the headteacher like I've mentioned this Friday. I'm expecting to get a bollarking.

    I just came back from the meeting and they added stuff to my "allegations". No joke, they said I breached policy for using Opera and installing Minecraft. I'm beyond annoyed that they have the audacity to add to my dumb mistake with anything they can get their hands on. Anyways I'm still waiting on a counselor.

    Update: I got a letter in the post. I'm suspended for another month. Is it just me or are they're taking this way too far?
    I don't know how long I can keep this up with my family. I told them I'm working from home. Even my mum was being really nosey with the letter I got which clearly says "private and confidential" and I'm not allowed to tell them. She's now being really petty because I'm "hiding something". I'm just gonna try and just get on with life. While I'm in exile I do have plans to improve on my skills. For example, I have books to read, music to make, and IT stuff to learn ie I want to learn ethical hacking.
    Wish me luck.
     
    Last edited: Sep 24, 2021
  2. Addiction clouds the mind and impairs proper thinking! That’s why it’s important to fight against porn and other addictions!
     
  3. CodeTalker

    CodeTalker Fapstronaut

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    That's harsh. I think a warning would have been enough.
    Was the content illegal? Or did they suspend you just because it was porn?
     
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  4. SpacePunk

    SpacePunk Fapstronaut

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    It wasn't illegal. If it was I would definitely have lost my job. I don't even know where to find that stuff anyways.
     
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  5. Quezatolah

    Quezatolah Fapstronaut

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    Bro, the only advice I can give you is to do nofap/semen retention immediately.

    Besides that, if you have to do it let me tell you how I used to do it before, I've jerked off while doing internships, I've done it at school, outside and anywhere you can think of.

    The main thing you need to be aware of is if the urge strikes and you can't resist then be smart and use your phone to watch porn, make sure you're using mobile data and not any available wifi if you're not at home, excuse yourself to the bathroom, make sure you lock the door and then rub one out quickly, of course don't have any sound on when you're watching the porn, I would've thought this stuff is obvious but apparently it's not for some people.

    If you're going to do it, atleast don't be a fucking idiot.
     
    Last edited: Aug 27, 2021
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  6. I_Am_Strong_54

    I_Am_Strong_54 Fapstronaut

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    Honestly if i were you and wanted to kick the porn addiction, working it on a work computer and being suspended would be a low point for me. And any time afterward that i would think about watching porn I would remember the consequences and the might help you to quit. I believe if you remember the low points that's the key to quitting because you don't want to feel like that again
     
  7. First, this is a really tough thing to happen to you. I feel really bad for you.
    However . . . it is a massive wake up call for you. Let's face it, using a work computer to check out porn is basically asking to be caught.
    You can make this the turnaround event in your life if you go for it.
    I wouldn't bother talking too much about your "addiction" to these folks. They won't get it. I would imagine the best you can say is you were very wrong and you understand that you've let a lot of people down, including yourself.
    I hope you get the help you need and deserve.
     
  8. KellticJK

    KellticJK Fapstronaut

    P while your working in a school, suspension is the best that could have happened! You need to go hardmode, and it wont be easy, sorry, not gonna sugar coat it - but, it's also not going to be easy because you work in IT. As do I, I work in front of a computer 15 hours a day, 5 - 6 days a week and I work from home and to top it all off I live alone! So I know what your going to be battling against, however there is hope! For 7 days (we'll make the goal short, then you add another week, etc), your gonna abstain from PMO, and your gonna study your IT stuff - assuming your doing a course while being an apprentice - use something like Cold Turkey to block P sites from your computer, also have a look at Taming your computer and Phone.

    It will be tough, but the rewards from it out weight the squirt of dopamine you get, which will last a millisecond maybe 2. Should also think about your job, it can be very hard to get hired if you have things like P hanging over your name. Especially in the IT industry, we are given "god mode" (we have access to everything), so Management need to know that we can be trusted, and we wouldn't jeopardise the security of a network.

    If your struggling with hardmode, writing a journal here makes a massive difference. Everyone here, has gone though what your going to be... and if your struggling with IT, you can pm me if you want.

    Also, check out the nofap challenges, it makes it easier to know others are fighting right along side you

    Stay strong
     
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  9. SpacePunk

    SpacePunk Fapstronaut

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  10. Rebootman123

    Rebootman123 Fapstronaut

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    Hey, I know it probably feels shit now but you’ve experienced how horrible PMO addiction can be. Hopefully you can use this experience to get serious about quitting P. Stay strong.
     
  11. KellticJK

    KellticJK Fapstronaut

    Best advice, your gonna have to tell them that due to your addiction, you have decided to leave the job, in order to work on your self. They will find anything & everything to use against you, and it will build up. Leaving, and telling them that your working towards cleaning your self up and removing the addiction. Will go along way in your future.

    I had an engineer 5 years ago (I don't bring it up, cos I was the one that had to go through all the shit he downloaded, and I still get nauseous), who was using company hardware to download "stuff" (not just P, movies, music, etc and the P was illegal). A few months later, I got a call from another firm asking me to vouch for him, the guy only worked for me for 3 weeks and those 3 weeks were used to download illegal stuff - as soon as I honed in our security system to look at his activity, I had 3 weeks, every hour downloading content. If I recall correctly he had 2-3 terabytes of data... - Obviously I asked the person who called me, who they were, and who they worked for, turned out to be a primary school (5-11 yo), I organised local police, myself and the person into a meeting and we went through everything... long story short, the guy was put on the register as being a pedo, and is currently doing 5 years.

    I'm not saying you were looking at illegal P, far from it! But looking at P in a school... outside of people understanding P addiction wont understand the addiction itself and the eventual progression towards more extreme (which can take years, and years - it is an eventual progression towards that genre, some are more inclined to wards it, and it not being for a shock value... it's how they are inclined... still makes me wanna cut their balls off with a buttering knife) etc. They will however, voice that you were engaged with illegal activity and or installations. P in the IT world, can mean anything, and the vast majority of people (not understanding the addiction) when they hear "P in a school" there's only one type that will cross their mind!

    You need to apologies, and leave that job, that is the best course of action.
     
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  12. ForceMaster

    ForceMaster Fapstronaut

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    Holly SHit Man !!!!! GotDang !!!!!! be carful so that guy dosen't get out of jail and come seeking revenge from you !!!!!!!
     
  13. Slider8

    Slider8 Fapstronaut

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    You got terribly unlucky mate, but there is no reason to worry about the job as long as you are healthy and your head works you can get plenty of work to sustain yourself. The bad thing is PMO destroys your health as well as ability to concentrate and think clearly which are basic requirements in everything you do which has any value in it. To quit the addiction you have to study addiction and the ways to recover, practice them diligently and pray. Hope your life will become better which is quite inevitable if you improve yourself.
     
  14. ForceMaster

    ForceMaster Fapstronaut

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    Dang Broosky !!! in 2016 i was working in an office on a computer in a hotel , and i watched porn on the work comuter , they had blockers , like google didn't open anythin that had the word porn or sex in it or other sexual words , but i found a way around the system , i used to watch porn on Tumblr , and not just pictures , like full clips , and also Vimeo , but yeah , hope all goeas well for you bro !
     
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  15. KellticJK

    KellticJK Fapstronaut

    Unlikely, pedos in prison don't last long...
     
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  16. ForceMaster

    ForceMaster Fapstronaut

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    Dam !!! :emoji_joy::emoji_joy::emoji_joy: this story is crazy !!! :emoji_smiley:
     
  17. This is crazy. Never do it again. And I would leave that job, and that area. Your reputation if sullied because of this, could prove disastrous in the future
     
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  18. SpacePunk

    SpacePunk Fapstronaut

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    I told them about my addition and they have taken action as I've said but it's very slow. There was nothing illegal so I'm not going to prison or anything. After this apprenticeship is over I'm going to do a higher apprenticeship in Cyber Security. Not only is Infrastructure boring as hell but working where I am, it's borderline torture. My 2 coworkers are grumpy old guys, my manager is a good guy but he makes a lot of mistakes and obviously, the IT room feels like a prison, the students are just awful (it's considered to be the worst school in the area, I didn't even want to work there but they forced me anyway) the higher-ups are ruthless. It's funny how schools preach about mental health but in my case, they have almost no empathy.
     
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  19. SpacePunk

    SpacePunk Fapstronaut

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    I have a trade union rep but he reached out to me waaaaay later on. I didn't even know I had one till he called me. Next thing that happens I'll be contacting him. I have talked to them about my addiction and they are getting in touch with a counselor for me.
     
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  20. SpacePunk

    SpacePunk Fapstronaut

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    I wouldn't go that far. They said"everything is confidential". I mainly want my manager to not know because I actually respect him and I want him to not see me as an idiot. But he's mostly easygoing on me since we're both Christian.
    After my apprenticeship is over in a year I'm not staying with the school/trust.
     

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