P or PM is no better than PMO.

When I first discovered edging, I thought that here was an escape from my depression. I thought at that time, after all, that depression and anxiety caused by PMO were linked mainly to the "O".

And at first, it seemed I had in fact stumbled on something almost miraculous. I would edge while my girlfriend was at work, and then stop when she came home. I felt more energetic, more alive, more easy-going.

I have never had a particularly impressive libido. I can't cum more than 3 times in a single day--it's physically impossible for me. I think that's probably why, despite the fact that I've watched porn since I was 12, that my fetishes, while weird, weren't too out of the ordinary.

That changed with edging. When you're watching porn for 5, 6, 7 hours a day, even your most titillating fantasies are no longer enough. So I moved on to more extreme things that now disgust me, make me ashamed, and even brought me to contemplate suicide.

I feel less depressed because of the semen retention, sure, but dealing with my own shame at my inability to control myself, at my regret that I just threw away another day that I could have spent pursuing my dreams and seeing my girlfriend's anguish every time I tell her that I relapsed is just too much to bear.

Yet it's not enough for me, and edging has only made it more difficult to abstain as I've rewired my brain pathways to be far more dependent on porn than I ever was before.

In the end, I've learned that edging is not the solution, that P or PM is no better than PMO. Do not resort to edging and tell yourself, like I did, that it was a solution. The only solution is abstinence.