PA and kids

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by SpouseofPA, Dec 7, 2018.

  1. SpouseofPA

    SpouseofPA Fapstronaut

    So my child is 11. He is taking health right now. Someone in class mentioned masturbation. He came home and then asked us if it is OK to do that. (mind you my husband is a PA and the children do not know this). What the heck are we supposed to tell him?
    ALL OPINIONS WELCOME, I am looking for any and all advice!
    Thanks in advance!
     
  2. The Lone Ranger

    The Lone Ranger Fapstronaut

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    This is something I think alot about! Very interested in what answers you will receive. Cheers
     
  3. ClaritySeeker

    ClaritySeeker Fapstronaut

    Yes it's ok, it's natural. As long as it doesn't involve P. The problem we all have on here is P addiction, that's the base problem, not M and O. Some people have problems with M and O because they lead to P. Make sure the computer is in a shared space and make sure P filters are there.
     
  4. SpouseofPA

    SpouseofPA Fapstronaut

    Ok so i wanted to update people on what i actually told my 11 year old.
    We (my husband and i) sat down and asked what he knew about it ( which wasn't much). so First we answered any questions he had about it in general. Then we addressed whether we thought it was ok to do.
    We explained to him what love and connection was. We told him that masturbation does that give you that. It will never give you that. We told him that while its not a bad thing to have done it or to do it. Its not required in life and will never give you the same connection a spouse will. (there were more words used but that is the short version) We alos briefly explained that the relief people feel from it is like a drug. and can cause addictions. people get addicted to that feeling and it can lead to worse and worse things.

    He seemed to understand this. He even said ok so its not bad to do once in a while, i won't become addicted, but i won't die or explode if i never do. we said that is correct (but you wont always know you are addicted until its too late). My husband also briefly explained "urges" and that the feeling does go away even if you don't do anything with it.
    You don't have to react to what your body is. (that your heart beats on its own and you breath by your self, and that sometimes your (we used correct term but i don't want to trigger here so i will say "Parts") react on their own with out your permission and will tell your brain hey i am here wide awake and you have the option to tell your brain and body no thanks im not interested in that. Maybe some other time. Its a choice.

    We also explained that sex is not the only avenue for connection. I am sure there was more we discussed but i think that is main points,
    just thought id update you.
     
  5. kropo82

    kropo82 Fapstronaut

    I'm probably out-of-kilter with others here but my approach would have been similar and different:
    1. Listen, make sure your answering the child's actual questions.
    2. Teach them to accept themselves as sexual beings, masturbation is fine not and is not morally nor physically wrong.
    3. Preferably later, so that it's not mushed up with the conversation about masturbation, talk to them about porn and explain the myriad reasons why porn is wrong. But remind them that even if they do something bad you'll still love and forgive them.
    That said my kids never asked us about masturbation, so we never talked to them about it. They did ask about sex, so we had those talks. I never mentioned pornography, probably a mistake :(
     
  6. SpouseofPA

    SpouseofPA Fapstronaut

    we talked to him about porn and addictions and things like that too. He also knows about video game addictions and how its relatively invisible. we said this one is too.
    we did explain its not morally wrong but it isn't need for anything in life.
    and we did answer his direct question. (not saying you meant that i didn't, just responding to your numbers listed) i agree answer question directly and be the grown up about it :)
     
    kropo82 likes this.

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