PA do you ever really forget?

SpouseofPA

SpouseofPA

Fapstronaut
This is for the PAs mostly, but i'd like to know ( if any SOs have seen pics of what they looked at etc), Do you ever really forget what the P looks like?
trying to still use none triggering words: the bodies, the chests, bottoms, fronts, the sounds, the positions, the videos?
Do you ever really forget? Or will you always be triggered by a name? a size? a position?
Can you actually forget or erase it from your memory?
 
I'd like to think we can forget but I honestly feel I will never forget it. I can still remember scenes from scenes I watched as an adolescent (though most it of it has faded, save a few seconds or so!) and stuff from my 20s.

I hope that as I continue rewiring and living PMO free that maybe they will fade. Like scars they may be with us for eternity though after awhile we don't think about them much.
 
My husband has an amazing memory, I know he will never forget it completely. That is a big part that upsets me, he can relive that any time in his mind, even if he can't or doesn't access P now, it is always there.
He's told me now that he doesn't even want to remember it. That it makes him feel physically ill to think of it. I don't know if that is true or not, but that's what he says.
 
My husband completely blocked out all his usage. I will remind him of something he did and he will be in shock that he ever did that because he has no recollection. My husband however has an issue with repression and has always repressed anything that brought up negative emotions (so the guilt and shame he felt when using made him repress the images/videos/names). The only reason he remembers one name is because it was the instagram name she used and he saw it over and over. Other than that, he remembers nothing which is a blessing and a curse since he can't answer many of the questions I had.

It was so strange to me because I still remember the porn I watched (and I only watched porn after my sexual trauma to cope and try to normalize what happened to me and that was for about a week before I never looked at porn again).

I think it really depends on the individual and their brain chemistry...
 
DemonSemen said:
I'd like to think we can forget but I honestly feel I will never forget it. I can still remember scenes from scenes I watched as an adolescent (though most it of it has faded, save a few seconds or so!) and stuff from my 20s.

I hope that as I continue rewiring and living PMO free that maybe they will fade. Like scars they may be with us for eternity though after awhile we don't think about them much.
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though if you hear a name of something does that make you remeber it? or do you need to connect the dots?
 
TryingToHeal said:
That is a big part that upsets me, he can relive that any time in his mind, even if he can't or doesn't access P now, it is always there.
He's told me now that he doesn't even want to remember it. That it makes him feel physically ill to think of it. I don't know if that is true or not, but that's what he says.
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My husband has said it makes him disgusted with himself to know he did this. He has said that he wants a new brain so that he can erase them from his mind. Yesterday was one of the first days in almost 60 days that he had flashbacks (it was fast and quick etc, less then a second) He doesn't want to remember it.
 
SpouseofPA said:
My husband has said it makes him disgusted with himself to know he did this. He has said that he wants a new brain so that he can erase them from his mind. Yesterday was one of the first days in almost 60 days that he had flashbacks (it was fast and quick etc, less then a second) He doesn't want to remember it.
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I often wish I could Eternal-Sunshine-of-the-Spotless-Mind my brain in that fashion. Erase all the porn.

I think the flashbacks may be the Addict Brain's way of trying to push us into a relapse so it can get its dope. That little gray fucker is devious and will do anything for its hit. I have them when I'm doing the most mundane things and sometimes they've caused me to slowly end up relapsing.
 
SpouseofPA said:
though if you hear a name of something does that make you remeber it? or do you need to connect the dots?
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Sometimes if I hear a and it may make me think of a certain favorite actress, or if I see a certain outfit or costume it might make me think of it. That does seem to fade the longer I go w/o porn. The intensity of the memory fades so I'm hoping eventually the hundreds (thousands??) of hours of porn will leak out into the mist. Luckily most of it is forgettable.
 
DemonSemen said:
Sometimes if I hear a and it may make me think of a certain favorite actress, or if I see a certain outfit or costume it might make me think of it. That does seem to fade the longer I go w/o porn. The intensity of the memory fades so I'm hoping eventually the hundreds (thousands??) of hours of porn will leak out into the mist. Luckily most of it is forgettable.
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have you ever associated even worse memories with those "good ones"?
like a fav ****star has non curable STDs.
or something that could tarnish your image of that star..does that make it easier to forget those memories? or would it make it worse cause now your more ashamed?

sorry if that to forward of a question.
 
SpouseofPA said:
have you ever associated even worse memories with those "good ones"?
like a fav ****star has non curable STDs.
or something that could tarnish your image of that star..does that make it easier to forget those memories? or would it make it worse cause now your more ashamed?

sorry if that to forward of a question.
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No need to apologize. We're pretty open here.

I wouldn't say tarnished but knowing they are objectified sex objects who most likely have their own sexual traumas takes away the allure and any "mystique"'they may have had. I know my brain is just wanting a fix. I never had an illusions about what porn stars are/aren't. my problem is more specific scenes I've watched repeatedly and forgetting those. Do I really want to remember thi stuff 10 years from now? No I don't.
 
I've been PM free for a year and a half, and I don't remember the P. For me the longer I'm away and the more I focus on my wife and our relationship, and just becoming a better person, the less triggers I have. I think by doing my CBT theropy, which has really help in my recovery. Rerouting the neural pathways and how my brain processes information. I've actually forgotten the P. Hope this helps.
 
Rock_Star said:
I've been PM free for a year and a half, and I don't remember the P. For me the longer I'm away and the more I focus on my wife and our relationship, and just becoming a better person, the less triggers I have. I think by doing my CBT theropy, which has really help in my recovery. Rerouting the neural pathways and how my brain processes information. I've actually forgotten the P. Hope this helps.
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That gives me hope. I feel Johnny Nemonic "I want this shit out of my head."
 
I remember things, but not intensly. They don’t pop into my head anymore like they used to. I have a steel trap memory, its my only talent. I can remember things if I try, but its more intelectual, with almost no emotional response. I don’t get turned on by the memories. They’re just there. So there is little push to think about them.
 
Thor god of thunder said:
I remember things, but not intensly. They don’t pop into my head anymore like they used to. I have a steel trap memory, its my only talent. I can remember things if I try, but its more intelectual, with almost no emotional response. I don’t get turned on by the memories. They’re just there. So there is little push to think about them.
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My husband says his memory is kinda the same. He can remember images if he really tries to think about them from when he was teen but those ones dont turn him on anymore. and that these ones never pop up on his head. (if he started looking up intensely and Ming to them then they prolly would, but what he remembers does not)

Its the current ones he's working on forgetting.

any tips on how you forgot them? or just time?
 
SpouseofPA said:
Do you ever really forget what the P looks like?
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This is just my opinion, but no, I don't think you ever 'forget what it looks like.' However, I do believe that over time, those mental images have much less power over me if I stay in recovery.

Even as I sit here now--if I conjure up a sexual image in my head, it doesn't arouse me nearly as much if I had an actual image here before my eyes. Also remember, a lot of porn addiction is about novelty--and if images are already in the mental image bank, they aren't novel anymore. It's hard for a PA to generate, within his own imagination, images that will produce the same kind of dopamine spike that actual porn triggers.

As far as other triggers, those might be all over the map. I'm personally attracted to a certain body type, and women who fit that type will always catch my eye--I don't think porn has much to do with it. As far as a particular porn star's image or name ... well, I think we're unlikely to come across those names unless we're actively engaged in porn. Sure, porn is somewhat mainstream, and stars' names get tossed around in the media a bit ... but it's unlikely that a personal favorite would ever pop up. Certainly none of mine have, and I have several.

I have two highly sexual ex-girlfriends who each bore a striking resemblance to two different celebrities. Whenever I see those women on the cover of a magazine at the grocery store, it triggers me and I can't help but have flashing thoughts about those experiences. But they don't send me into the rabbit hole anymore ... I don't walk away and spent the next two hours daydreaming about them, you know?

So do we ever 'forget'? No ... but it does get better.
 
SpouseofPA said:
My husband says his memory is kinda the same. He can remember images if he really tries to think about them from when he was teen but those ones dont turn him on anymore. and that these ones never pop up on his head. (if he started looking up intensely and Ming to them then they prolly would, but what he remembers does not)

Its the current ones he's working on forgetting.

any tips on how you forgot them? or just time?
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Just reject thoughts you don’t want....and time
 
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