PA- FYI- survey from my friends...we don’t like that shit porn shows girls like!

BetrayedMermaid

BetrayedMermaid

Fapstronaut
So it’s been 2.75 months since DDay. I have a lot of friends that are supportive And helping me through this. And I’m not quiet about what happened. There is not one of my friends… And we are all nurses… So we are used to gross stuff. There is not one of us out of probably 20-30 friends that actually like the stuff they show on porn. Only one actually admits to liking giving blowjobs. And she doesn’t like the cum in her mouth. We do not like the come all over our faces. We don’t like it in our hair. Porn is completely fake. Those sounds that they make are probably to deal with the pain in the receiving from the giant penis in their vagina or anus. It does not feel good to them.!! It’s only about the guys pleasure seeing it from the guys viewpoint. I just hope all of you really know that. It is not making you a better lover to watch that and demonstrate that on your SO’s. In fact… It makes you shitty lovers. If you are able to make an intimate connection and really ask what your significant other likes/doesn’t like and read her like a book that’s the way to make great love! I’m still really too pissed off to read anything on Nofap but I really felt like sharing this. And I realize I am using a lot of general statements and maybe not everybody feels like this. Maybe some girls like to be done the porn way. I don’t know. I’m just saying that the circles that I run in? no...it’s basically sexual abuse. And it’s disgusting.
 
GhostWriter said:
I'm not quiet about what happened..." Why? And to who? What purpose does it serve?
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My friends at work- Because I can’t hide it. My personality has changed so much. And they all are nurses so they assess my depression automatically. So I have told them all that my husband is a sex at because I can’t hide it. My personality has changed so much. And they all are nurses so they assess my depression automatically. So I have told them all that my husband is a sex addict. They all know him and are completely shocked... nurses are not naïve to addicts and their behaviors. We have a whole mental health quarter in school. The purpose it serves? Support for me. And that’s enough. Because I need it.
 
This reminds me of a Men's Health article online I read a year ago about how real sex is different from porn. Because Men's Health condones porn usage they made an article titled something like "6 Things Porn Gets Wrong About Sex." All I remember are two of the points being threesomes being the norm and foreplay consisting solely of blowjobs. I was surprised to see a site like Men's Health that encourages porn use even as a couple's activity saying this. I don't go on sites like Men's Health anymore due to the triggers. It's a shame because many sites that offer nutrition and fitness advice for men also contain a lot of triggers. These sites probably get most of their traffic with their sexual advice articles and therefore flaunt sexual images everywhere.

Oh and mainstream porn is more extreme than you think. It's not just facials and rough sex these days. It's not uncommon to see acts like choking, slapping, spitting, and verbal abuse. Some videos may include women crying and in pain.
 
GhostWriter said:
Well, I don't have a problem with that. As long as it isn't vindictive and retaliatory. I'm just of the opinion that only those who have a need to know need to know. If they don't bring any value to the situation or relationship, then they don't need to know. That's all.
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It’s called negative reinforcement. Not being vindictive.
 
I never liked P that showed women being used. Ugh.
I never wanted or liked BJs because i felt selfish, so my wife was good with that.
My problem was that i like to give oral, but my wife doesn’t like me to do that.
The same rule applies though. If is uncomfortable for your partner, don’t force it.
Also, even P that is sensitive to what women do like would be a bad influence on my brain IMO so I think it’s best to just never see anyone in a sexual situation but my wife.
Things are still rocky between us, but I think they are improving because I have tried to focus on being intimate and not worrying about “trying a new position” or something.

So thanks for outing all the disgusting and demeaning things P tries to promote. Idk if anyone will listen to you, but you have my vote.
 
RecoveringFapaholic said:
I was surprised to see a site like Men's Health that encourages porn use even as a couple's activity saying this
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When we were first married, i kinda wanted my wife to watch P with me. Nothing grotesque, more like slightly more than softcore.
But she didn’t like the idea AT ALL.
Really i just wanted something where we had a reason to talk about our views on sexual things, body parts, opinions, expectations.
She didnt want to do this much either. She is uncomfortable talking about sexual things.
Now i agree that watching other people have sex is not going to help our relationship, but I’m not surprised that men’s health recommended it as a couples activity.
 
Personally, I love doing whatever my wife wants me to do with her. I have no problem performing orally on her if that's what she enjoys that evening. On the surface, oral sex is not the most palatable thing for either party to perform, but giving her pleasure completely overrides all other factors. I also love kissing her in those G-rated spots which drive her crazy.

I believe that when it comes to sex, we sometimes forget that pleasuring the other person isn't the only important thing. It's perfectly okay to be a bit selfish at times. It's healthy to get some REAL enjoyment out of sex by asking your partner to do things that you might feel a little embarrassed about if they are real turn-ons for you. If both parties are consensual, then why not get all of the enjoyment you can out of it. I mean, if you REALLY like being licked behind the ear (or wherever) and he doesn't do that, what's wrong with asking for that? (Obviously, if either party doesn't want to do something, then that should be off the table.)

BetrayedMermaid said:
...out of probably 20-30 friends...Only one actually admits to liking giving blowjobs.
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So if that's actually the average out of 20-30 women, then I would consider myself fortunate. I have often found my SO to be absolutely resistant to my declining that service. She knows that I enjoy it and really wants to give that to me. Denying her this pleasure is a form of rejecting her love. And that is not healthy at all.

Obviously it comes down to "to each his own." But as my wife and I work on both giving AND receiving pleasure, everything will be on the table. As long as I am being mentally healthy in our bedroom, then anything goes!
 
BreatheDeeply said:
Personally, I love doing whatever my wife wants me to do with her. I have no problem performing orally on her if that's what she enjoys that evening. On the surface, oral sex is not the most palatable thing for either party to perform, but giving her pleasure completely overrides all other factors. I also love kissing her in those G-rated spots which drive her crazy.

I believe that when it comes to sex, we sometimes forget that pleasuring the other person isn't the only important thing. It's perfectly okay to be a bit selfish at times. It's healthy to get some REAL enjoyment out of sex by asking your partner to do things that you might feel a little embarrassed about if they are real turn-ons for you. If both parties are consensual, then why not get all of the enjoyment you can out of it. I mean, if you REALLY like being licked behind the ear (or wherever) and he doesn't do that, what's wrong with asking for that? (Obviously, if either party doesn't want to do something, then that should be off the table.)



So if that's actually the average out of 20-30 women, then I would consider myself fortunate. I have often found my SO to be absolutely resistant to my declining that service. She knows that I enjoy it and really wants to give that to me. Denying her this pleasure is a form of rejecting her love. And that is not healthy at all.

Obviously it comes down to "to each his own." But as my wife and I work on both giving AND receiving pleasure, everything will be on the table. As long as I am being mentally healthy in our bedroom, then anything goes!
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You should consider yourself very lucky and remember that.
 
I agree with much that you say. I never watched much, and most of what I have seen was finding out what my bf had been watching. So my opinions may have been colored some there. The first time I watched any I didn't really get it, it was so fake and stupid and did nothing for me. I don't enjoy watching others have sex, however I do enjoy very much having sex with my bf. This may be TMI for some but... I do like to give him a BJ, but he rarely cums in my mouth. I don't mind it, but not my favorite. It is more of foreplay for us. I am no prude, I enjoy trying different things. I'm really up for trying almost anything once. But p is so selfish. It is not about sex and is most certainly not about love, it's just to get someone off.
 
I like to give BJs and I don’t mind it on me. That being said I don’t want that every single time. And when you have a pmo addict with DE who can only O that way you come to enjoy it less and less. I do think men’s tastes and even women’s to a certain extent are highly influenced by what they see in porn. Think about it guys if you had never seen a c&$ shot or heard of the idea would you desire it? Not likely.
 
GhostWriter said:
Unfortunately, it wasn't about intimacy. It was about the dopamine fix. Now I understand that where I didn't before.
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I hadn’t thought about it this way, but I totally agree.
Some things I wanted to do were for her pleasure exclusively, but really were selfish for me because getting her off was what gets me off.
Not in an intimate way either.
It’s the dopamine fix.
At times she was trying to be nice to me so we would have sex even though she wasn’t in the mood and I would be trying desperately to get her excited.
Thinking back it was because I wanted her to be excited, not because SHE wanted to be.
I thought I was being unselfish, but really I was anything but.
 
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