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PART 2 : 'Day 108. Healed? Maybe. Feel like sharing stuff with you guys..'

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by Nico1234, Mar 2, 2015.

  1. Nico1234

    Nico1234 Fapstronaut

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    PART ONE FOR THOSE WHO DIDNT READ : http://www.nofap.com/forum/showthre...d-Maybe-Feel-like-sharing-stuff-with-you-guys


    OK, right now I'm just putting you into context, maybe this is not necessary but I guess it helps me to forget my shitty start in life as a young man.I write this shit down, then byebye.

    But wait - there's more. School finished and There came time for College. I had done a scientific high schoçol diploma, but for some reason I chose to go for a Journalism degree (wtf right?) Simply because it seemed easy. And it was, especially since I'm at ease with writing.
    boy those were some dark times. I got my own little apartment and it would be a daily festival of hitting the bong, watching series, getting smashed drunk, and basically being an overall piece of trash. I wasnt doing any kind of sports whatsoever. Eating like crap. I even stole a bicycle once. Like, wtf is wrong with me?? what am I trying to prove here? why am i doing this? I also had to go to the police for a drug search. I remember getting the call from my grandpa, which was the only family I had near college back then. This was horrible since he was actually the only true father figure I had. He didnt get angry with me because he was sick of heart. I think he was just deeply, deeply disappointed by me. (fucking tears right now.)


    I fucked up the college year and wanted to take a step back as I felt like my life is going nowhere. But, as if thing were not shit already, here comes my super-mom!!!! Long -story short, she emotionally tricked me into passing my exams during the summer 'last chance'. Just so she could tell her other female friends "look at me! My son is successfull! he is going through his first year of university on the first shot! woohoo I'm a great mom! I was already pretty hurt by the year and a step back with my family was probably what I needed. whatever. I spent the whole summer closed inside my grandmas house, (but both grandparents were on holiday) studying philosophy, litterature and stuff about which i DONT GIVE A SHIT. (should I mention my family was taking trips all over europe at the beach etc)

    This was my darkest point so far. I was phisically sick and lost some weight, and also I was getting seriously psychologically damaged. I could have committed suicide very likely. Life had no meaning. why was I on earth. Why don't I deserve to be happy. All I have is porn. I don't deserve better anyway cuz I'm a piece of shit. blah, blah, blah...

    Looking back at this I can't believe how immature my behavior was.

    By some miracle I passed my exams with the help of Ritalin, medicinal amphetamines which my mom, a dentist, could give me prescription for. (what...a...fucking...bitch...)


    At the end of this, I came back home and everyone wanted to celebrate. COme on son, aren't you proud? -Nah, fuck off... and stop telling me about your holiday.

    I was really, really hurt. confidence was close to 0. Life had no 'sparkle' and everything was painful, besides porn.

    Another year went by, and my shit habits were still here. I was still studying something which I wasnt interested in. Basically hate my family, Have no interest in friends, can't connect and bond with people. I had to have a surgery because I had shoulder instability. this was causing anxiety. The time for the operation came. For some reason, Grandpa died the same night. Boom. Everything is collapsing. why? why now? I wish you could have guided me. His heart basically busted out of anxiety. needless to say he was anxious for my incoming surgery. I drove to the hospital with my grandma and we basically watched him die. my heart was shattered at this precise moment. TO make things better, my mom arrived. she got all hyped up and basically went COMPLETELY mad and hysterical. (it was her dad) She was acting like a fucking walking disaster. and me too. For some reason, we decided I would still go to my surgery this same night because it was already booked. When I woke up from surgery, my grandpa was dead, everyone was heart broken and I was deeply invalidated and in pain for my shoulder, and my bitch mom was here to, let's be honest, even if it wasnt her intention. bring me down like mad. she treated me like a poor- injured little boy who is a bit lost in his mind and doesnt really know what he wants. She insisted on me giving a speech at my grandpas funeral even though i didnt necessarily wish for it. everything was disastrous.
    I went hard on xanax and basically wanted to disappear. I spent the rest of the year living as half a man. drugs, alcohol, porn, no confidence, physical vulnerability and My spirit was slowly closing down. I felt as if I was an old man at the end of his life even thouth I WAS FUCKING 19.
    my grandpas death really affected me. my grades fell off completely.

    At this point, we decided to give it a break and just let me 'heal' physically and emotionally. SO I spent summer with my family, pretty light-minded and with lame distractions. I was slowly healing but the core problem, my outlook on life, was not fixed at all.



    Then I went back to COllege, still studying the same shit in the same year.
    Take care of grandma. same people, same classes, same habits, same porn. I managed to get 2 different girls in my bed. absolutely no erection and anxiety was through the roof.

    Then it hit me.


    If I ever want to achieve anything good in life, I have to stand up for myself.
    I have to quit porn if I want a meaningful relationship.
    It's time to stop living like a fucking rat.
    I'm responsible for all the shit I am going through.
    I am the master of my destiny.
    I have to stop numbing my potential and finally live to the fullest.



    I have made the decision not to ever listen to my mum ever again. I barely acknowledge her. I only have serious conversations with my sister.

    I said fuck everyting, fuck everyone. I quit muy colege degree and I am now studying agronomical engineering. its much harder, but its much more of a challenge and it's what I'm really interested in.
    I'm not in contact with any of my old friends, but I'm trying hard to get to know new people.
    It takes time and work to develop a positive and aggressive, uplifting beahviour but nofap has deeply helped me with this. confidence is rising. voice is clearer and deeper. brain fog is out. sometimes even feels like I HAVEN'T lived for the past 7 years.

    I don't look back anymore. I actually wrote all my life down so I can burn it and forget it. It's time to write a new one.

    I want to start a new life and become a much better person. I want meaningful relationships, healthy and balanced sex, I want to succeed in everyting I do, whether it's college, relationships, friends, physical health; any kind of stuff.

    My outlook on life is much different. I live day-to-day. I avoid drama. I try to be childish and laugh as much as possible. I'm working out, taking climbing classes and mountain-biking. Taking college as seriously as possible although it's not my priority right now, my priority is ME. The person I am evolving into and the neurological pathways I'm educating myself towards.

    Not touched a spliff or a beer since at least two months. I'm 108 days into nofap now and I finally start to see the changes in my body and mind. I look at women much more differently, and sometimes, when I don't agree with them, I let them know. I just tell they are wrong, I don't agree, go fuck yourslef. And most of times they respect you for this...wtf??? or they get angry and then say they are sorry!!

    I notice much more the hands, eyes, and ENERGY of women. and God knows that's what's important.



    (BTW, all you guys writing, "Day 6 : My whole life has changed, I am superman thanks to nofap"...dude wtf? this takes time and dedication. It's a full-on spiritual and behavior transmutation. just because you kept your hands over your belt for x hours doesnt mean you're healed. however, keep going, you're on the right path.)

    NOFAP has not changed my life but ut has been a catalyst to a great change in habits. I would say it's the first step into respecting yourself as a brave young man, and accepting your past mistakes and believing in yourself.

    I also noticed that the way of life of young men nowadays is just disastrous. I'm starting to get much more aware of this. education never stops, the only difference is after some point you have to EDUCATE YOURSELF.

    We receive WAY TOO MUCH USELESS INFORMATION. Our brain has a limited computing capacity. so you better make every one of your neurons work for something thats FUCKING WORTH IT and useful.

    Think POSITIVE. Don't overthink through stupid stuff. follow your instincts. Erase your brain's hard-drive!!! Unlearn negative pathways! Stay sensitive, open-hearted and sincere! Be one with yourself.

    AS of today, this is all the advice I can think of.




    This is a very long post and if you got until the end, I want you to know that I love you and I believe in you. If you're feeling down or depressed, just accept it in the first place. Embrace it. Let the feelings come out. The SMACK THE SHIT out of your problems and insecurities. We all have a tremendous potential that shouldn't be wasted. we are the future of this society and we'd better make it magnificent or nothing. Have the guts to stand up for yourself. Never take no bullshit from anybody. Ignore the haters. Never look back. Live to your true inner self and educate yourself with an open mind an heart. Spread positive vibes and you will get them in return.




    NOFAPPERS WILL RISE.







    P.S. I am more than willing to share with you guys. If I can be of any help, just contact me
     
    Aloha, MrPrince, AliWantsOut and 2 others like this.
  2. Bigballs

    Bigballs Fapstronaut

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    Super motivational thank for sharing
     
    Awakeatlast likes this.

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