I'm sure I will get drama from this, but I honestly feel it's a long time coming and it needs to be addressed. I do not want to call out specific people, but I will be referring to some damaging mindsets I've seen on these forums. If you're someone who subscribes to those mindsets, I mean no offense and I'm not trying to stir anything, but I want to provide an alternative perspective that I dont see as often. Also, I think its worth noting that this perspective is coming from myself as both a PA and a wife of a PA. So heres thing. I see a lot of damaging views around here that I often ignore for the sake of not stirring up drama, but I am here now to say that if you are a porn addict, you do not deserve to be bullied and emotionally/verbally abused just because you've made mistakes. If your wife wants to leave you because of your lies or your porn addiction, that's her choice, but you do NOT need to put up with being treated like crap just because you've made mistakes. I see a lot of comments around here about how much women are hurting, and I totally get that, but often these comments are used as an excuse for retaliation, revenge, abuse, bullying, and having inhuman expectations of husbands. We are all just human beings. Your husband can not be expected to have no sexual desires or to never think another woman is attractive or avoid any triggers for the rest of his life. That's not realistic. And men, if your wife is treating you like crap, giving you the cold shoulder, using you for her own pleasure and denying you any of your own, and expecting you to serve her 24/7 and grovel at her feet for your mistakes, that. Is. Not. Right. Let me say it again... that is despicable behavior, and it is not just or fair. I get being angry, and I even get yelling and swearing and all that jazz, for a time. Trust me, I've done all of that. But if your wife is unwilling to ever forgive and forget and is not even entertaining the idea of working toward that goal, and she just wants to keep you around for herself and constantly bring up your past as an excuse to look down on you and expect you to serve her, that is an ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP. That is NOT healthy, and you do NOT need to roll over and feel as if you deserve that for your mistakes. Technically, we all deserve literal hell for all the crap we've done in our lives (tou and your wives included). But that is not the appropriate way to handle hurt in a relationship. I'm not talking about temporary hurt, like a few weeks or even a couple months, but it is wrong to continue to hold someone's past mistakes over their head for years and keep expecting them to make it up to you by meeting all of your needs and then pushing them away because you're hurt and need your space whenever they want anything in return. Now, I'm not saying any of the women here are necessarily doing any or all of these things. But I've seen far too many men here who are so willing to accept emotional and verbal abuse from their spouse because they feel they "deserve it" for being addicted to porn and making so many mistakes. You dont need to accept abuse, and if your wife is acting that way I'm sorry, but shes wrong. And while I think a lot of the hurt women are experiencing in the SO forums is helpful for PAs to see, I think a lot of it can also be damaging and lead to bullying and an abuse of power. And it's sad to see. Anyway, that's my rant for today. I dont post many threads these days, but this is something I really feel needs to be said. I'm so sad to see so many men groveling and being bullied and abused for their mistakes, all while feeling like they need to just sit around and take it because it's what they deserve. Its cruel. If someone is not willing to forgive and move on and try to make things better, then maybe they should just leave. That's a far kinder alternative.