Pattern: Caring about stopping porn, do good, stop caring, relapse

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by primaljade, Feb 24, 2019.

  1. primaljade

    primaljade Fapstronaut

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    I've had this pattern of doing good with abstaining from PMO, and then seemingly out of nowhere I stop caring to quit, and then relapse. After relapse I'll come back to my senses and abstain again.

    Who else has (or had) this repeating cycle and broken it? Any insight on this is appreciated.
     
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  2. Futurebillionaire88

    Futurebillionaire88 Fapstronaut

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    As an addict it’s called searching for bottom and you need to cut out the non-shalant attitude immediately and take this seriously or it’ll continue to escalate till you’re totally possessed
    You’ve been warned stick to it and take it seriously
    God bless
     
  3. primaljade

    primaljade Fapstronaut

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    Well, yeah, that's my question: How do you keep being serious constantly? How does your attitude not waver over long periods of time?
     
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  4. Futurebillionaire88

    Futurebillionaire88 Fapstronaut

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    I’ll ration with you because yes it is hard.
    I had a dream last night where I relapsed AND it was a wet dream. When I woke up it nearly made me end my streak IRL
    But then I laughed and said “almost you piece of shit. You think I’m going to waste all this effort!”
    You have to make porn the opponent and crush it relentlessly
     
  5. ReclaimedLife

    ReclaimedLife Fapstronaut

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    I have found the what makes the difference for me. I tried Nofap before being on this website but kept relapsing.
    But since i have my own personal "Why", i dont think i will ever relapse again.

    To me, i just decided that my own sexual happiness is more important to me then not to suffer.
    I rather suffer now and live a great life afterwards.
    Everything comes with a price in Life. Your determination will decide on whether you are willing to pay it.

    Usually it goes like this:
    Hard life now, Easy life later.
    Easy life now, hard life later.

    Do you want to be soft when you are with a girl, even thuogh she is pretty?
    I never want to have this situation ever in my life again. FK THAT.
     
  6. It's easy to be "I'm gonna do this" in the early going. But to personify addictions, they are very patient. They have heard it all before. Addictions will wait patiently and trip people up when they are not expecting it. We need to be tougher, more ruthless, and more patient. We can defeat them if we remember that addictions never, ever rest.
     
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  7. ZenAF

    ZenAF Fapstronaut

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    Every human has different belief systems within them. One of your belief systems says that porn is fantastic. That won't change through abstinence. You need to change that consciously and truly modify how you think about porn.
    You can tell if you managed that if you can look at porn and have 0 intentions to masturbate.
    But if a part of you keeps being convinced that porn is good you will go for it, because we always go for the good stuff no matter how hard it is and how long we have to wait for it. ;)
     
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  8. primaljade

    primaljade Fapstronaut

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    Good reminders. I haven't had super strong cravings, but the recent ones which popped up I reminded myself to actively choose suffering over simply relieving it.

    Yeah, I hate being softer than normal or have to make an effort to get hard for a girl. Not only that, but my recent attractiveness standards are incredibly high, since if I choose anyone below HB8, I get sexually disinterested very quickly.
     
  9. davidx

    davidx Fapstronaut

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    Well let me tell you - I have had a PMO addiction for pretty much 37 years and for the first time in my life I understand the chemical and addictive side of this. That is now my approach- I am attacking this as an addiction! That gives me a lot of insight into my struggles and that exact pattern you’ve described.

    Your description sounds exactly like me for years. Imagine that same struggle and failure for over 3 decades- UGH!!! I felt hopeless even as recently as 4 months ago but I didn’t give up. I took some more steps on my own and eventually found your brain on porn website and this forum.

    I now have hope because I understand I am not alone, I have found a place to talk about it and there is some great support and insight in this forum.


    Good luck!! You CAN do this!!!

    YOU REALLY CAN!!!

    Think of porn as your enemy!
     
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  10. Haddock

    Haddock Fapstronaut

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    I have the same problem. This is exactly the reason why I just relapsed.

    I don't know really. But don't forget that your making progress by abstaining for many weeks/months ! Even if you eventually relapse, it does not erase your progress. Try to make it even longer next time. I hope that eventually we will stop forever.
     
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  11. Tryingto

    Tryingto Fapstronaut

    This is an essential question for most of us. And while I cannot claim tremendous success in this regard, I can share a couple things that are working pretty we'll for me:
    • At some point every day I try to do a kind of life review. I imagine what my life will be like if I continue with this addiction in exacting detail. What happens, what are the consequences, who is affected, and so on. Then I imagine what my life will be like if I learn to resist this addiction - again in exacting detail. Then I make a conscious choice: What will it be today - this or that?
    • I try to come here and / or do some other recovery work every day. When my motivation is high, when my motivation is low. When I'm really clean, when I've slipped up. In all instances, I keep engaging this work.
    All the best...
     
  12. primaljade

    primaljade Fapstronaut

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    I think a key point here is that this attitude can change over time. For me, occasionally, for whatever reason, I'll stop thinking of it as my enemy and relapse.

    To combat this, I took another idea: To willfully experience suffering (in general, not just to porn) in order to improve my life over time. It's helped with a couple of recent cravings, so hopefully this will be a good, redundant mantra for me work through the cravings, even when my mind tells itself that PMO is ok.
     

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