Paws am I back to square one or worse

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Hisself, Jan 1, 2020.

  1. Hisself

    Hisself Fapstronaut

    I’ve been attempting to reboot since oct 28 2016 and my early reboot attempts left me feeling healed. After many relapses I developed paws symptoms. I haven’t watched porn since 14 months ago. 2 weeks ago I had my first 2 successful sexual experiences with real partners and was feeling libido for the first time in my life. Even unattractive girls were turning me on. I scrolled the social media of a girl I used to know and saw a beach album that I clicked on, I saw some arousing photos and paws symptoms returned worse than I’ve ever had them, a week of panic attacks and confusion, 6 days of feeling on the verge of ejaculation followed by now feeling totally dead down there and my urination is frequent and happening in spurts. I have zero libido and insomnia and I want to know if I’m back to square one. This slipped happened so quick and I only reactivated my social media out of necessity but wound up scrolling in an unhealthy way. I called up 2 friends and 2 family members and told them I need mental help and have been suicidal. Do those with paws who were kindling believe that I am back to square one or that I will need another year even though I felt healed 2 weeks ago
    SLeepisLost and LongBeard like this.
  2. CodeTalker

    CodeTalker Fapstronaut

    I don’t know this case because I was never able to abstain this long. But I don’t think you can destroy a year of no pmo with just one reset.
  3. Ezpz

    Ezpz Fapstronaut

    No, all is not lost. Try to forget about it and move forward. Theres no way to tell how it impacted your reboot so i would try to forget about it and move on
    Hisself likes this.
  4. I had the same during the longest (no porn) streak I ever. Some symptoms (The same ones you mention) that have been subsiding, came back full force after a MO session with real life sexual fanaties. This was just a little setback that lasted like 2 weeks for me. Don't worry about having it too much. You still did massive healing. Things will turn back to baseline after a while. Just don't edge binge PMO.
    Hisself, dudealone and Freeddom_Taker like this.
  5. Seeking_the_answers

    Seeking_the_answers Fapstronaut

    I have a question regarding a particular symptom I've been having for days now (head ache, sensitivity to light and sound, twitches) I've been rebooting for over 2 months now and this symptom appeared at the beginning of my reboot but it went away for quite some time and in the past days it came back and its lasting longer than last time, have you encountered this and is it normal for symptoms or is it migraines?
    Ezpz likes this.
  6. JestfulPotion57115

    JestfulPotion57115 Fapstronaut

    I'm my last long streak I did have similar symptoms and it cleared up with time, couple weeks and everything was normal again
    Seeking_the_answers likes this.
  7. This was during my 280 day reboot. The longest streak I ever had. This was the post I made back then:
    After the setback anxiety, adrenaline rushes, insomnia, brain fog, social anxiety ramped up like I was back in acute withdrawal. They started to get back to baseline after a week or 2. I still suffered withdrawals, but after about 160 days they were gettings less intense and physical symptons like temors, shakes, irritable bowel, sleep paralysis, orthostatic hypotension disappeared. Only the mental stuff was there. Depression, anxiety, social anxiety, insomnia were still around but a lot less intense. Around 200 day all I had left was anhedonia, social anhedonia, insomnia and just a couple days of social anxiety per week. Some days I felt pretty normal but just had flat mood and no libido. But a lot of the withdrawals went away. So I must have been pretty healed.

    Then around 280 days I relapsed and could not maintain a streak longer than 10, 20 or 40 days. So I had a spiral of relapses for a couple of months now. At first the relapses did not sent be into any acute or post acute withdrawal. They did make the anhedonia, insomnia and social anxiety worse. Now after months of spiralling into relapse. (And little by little undoing some of the healing from that 280 day streak) I'm starting to get some brain fog, nightmares, racing thoughts, night sweats and low IQ syndrome back.

    I'm still not having any severe acute withdrawal so far. So that means I still did not undo all of the healing I had done. But if I go into full binge edging PMO relapses for months again. I am totally sure the full blown withdrawal will come bite me in the ass and maybe would be even worse and would take longer to heal.
    Last edited: Jan 2, 2020
    Freeddom_Taker, dudealone and Hisself like this.
  8. Hisself

    Hisself Fapstronaut

    Thanks so much for this detailed response. I had just recently got to the point where I felt comfortable approaching women I’ve never met and going to bars to socialize even though I haven’t drank in almost 2 years. I also just the other week got 2 blow jobs a few days apart in the parking lot outside my work from someone who works next door. This stuff would’ve been unheard of at any other point in my life up until the past month. I got anxiety from being contacted by an ex and reactivated my Facebook to see if she was single and she was. I always avoid Facebook. We were setting up a time to meet up and I all of a sudden had no answers for 4 days. At one point I got anxiety and in the middle of work moving a hand truck I got my phone out to look up a different girl I used to know on Facebook and saw a beach album, I clicked to find sexy pics without giving it any thought and all my symptoms came rushing back worse than ever, including dead dick which has been gone for the past month, finally since like a decade ago. Now it is back and I deleted my messenger because I can’t face this ex because we split 2 years ago after opening up about pmo and pied. I haven’t watched porn in a year and a half and was excited to reveal the new horny me, for the first time ever I was getting genuinely horny for even fugly ass girls and now not even the hottest ones are doing anything for me. This is the first “relapse” that included genuine confusion and suicidal thoughts that I came out and told my whole family about out of fear of acting out. Night sweats, severe, insomnia, panic attacks, colors look different, my dick is dead again. I want my libido back to where it was a 2 weeks ago. I genuinely did not think I was relapsing at the time(it was 20 secs) and I did not anticipate this response in my body.
  9. Ezpz

    Ezpz Fapstronaut

    I have indeed encountered these symptoms and more on and off throughout my reboots. It will go away with time but the most you can do for yourself is reduce stress, this may ease some of your symptoms
    Seeking_the_answers likes this.
  10. Pathofsuccess_1

    Pathofsuccess_1 Fapstronaut

    I haven’t reached such of long abstinence period (only made it to 57 days). But I can tell you that if after 57 days a full on relapse barely made me feel the effects of relapse, 1 peek Is likely not the reason you are feeling this way after over a year.

    I’ve heard of P.A.W.S, Withdrawal symptoms that return with a vengeance (the last and final stage of recovery I believe). Just get through them is the advice I can give! Stay strong my friend.
  11. Hisself

    Hisself Fapstronaut

    Guys quick update, last night I spent 5-6 hrs hanging out with a girl I’ve known for 6-7 years. We’ve gone on a few pseudo dates recently with cuddling and nothing more and on 2 separate nights 3 years ago she made a move on me, we were drunk and she kissed me out of nowhere and slept over in my bed and wanted sex but that was early stages of knowing about pied so I didn’t. Last night I hung out with her even though some of my panic-like paws symptoms were raging and I felt asexual, she looked great though and unfortunately I submitted to a total friend zone chill session on her bed since my dick was shriveled up but I think it helped a bit being around her. I did wake up once with a pounding chest last night but it was less severe and when I woke up that time I had a semi and this morning it looked fuller. My symptoms are far weaker and I’m starting to think I will recover from this slip quicker than usual but I could still be wrong, it could just be a random reboot moment and they may return along with a long flatline. Time will tell, my confidence isn’t there nearly as much as it was 2 weeks ago but I know that taking pills again to sleep and relapsing to nicotine along with that psub slip all play into that. Wish me luck

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